My 5 year old daughter has been hand-flapping (literally flapping both of her hands for one to a few seconds at a time) since a very early age. It was kind of cute when she used to do at 1 or 2 years old as if she was a little bird or butterfly trying to take flight. Of course, at that time we knew nothing of autism and that hand-flapping is one of its tell-tale signs (but not necessarily a definite sign of it).
The “Silly Dance”
Hand flapping may occur in combination with movement, such as bouncing, jumping and/or spinning. My daughter usually hums while she flaps. Occasionally, she’ll also kick her legs but that has waned. We never really pointed it out to her and she seems to have never noticed herself doing it. Once we tried to get her to realize what she was doing and her reaction was like “I don’t know what you’re talking about”. Recently she shocked us when after hand-flapping she said “I was just doing my ‘silly dance’”. Not only were we taken aback by this unexpected self-awareness but I immediately got hung-up on the name she had for it. I seriously doubt she came up with it herself; someone at school must have. She flaps constantly – is this an ongoing nickname? Is the name supposed to be funny or mean?
I’ve recently met some adults with Asperger’s Syndrome who constantly “stim” (self-stimulation) – flap, tap, bite things, rock, and make various noises – and it was, I’m ashamed to say, an uneasy and uncomfortable situation. I simply wasn’t used to seeing it and it was very distracting. Aside from realizing that I need to be a lot more sympathetic, it seemed like we should probably address this sooner than later in order to help her chances at social acceptance since the world is filled with people who are unsympathetic to those that are different.
Why?
Autistic stimming behaviours are self-learned and are used to either increase stimuli or to help decrease or shut it out. These behaviors along with the testimonies of various autistic individuals, have led researchers to believe that those with autism are either severely over-sensitive, under-sensitive, or both to outside sensory stimuli (hence the term “sensory integration dysfunction”). Typically, hand-flapping occurs when the child is happy or excited. I used to think my daughter also did it when she was anxious although I don’t think that is true anymore. There could be other reasons for it also.
A profound first-hand account of hand-flapping is featured in an article called “A Boy, a Mother and a Rare Map of Autism’s World”. In it, Tito Mukhopadhyay, a 14 year old boy from India with severe autism explains why he flaps his hands like this: “I am calming myself. My senses are so disconnected, I lose my body. So I flap. If I don’t do this, I feel scattered and anxious. I hardly realized that I had a body. I needed constant movement, which made me get the feeling of my body”. Tito’s nervous system receives so little input that he cannot sense a connection with his own body. His hand flapping is his attempt to calm himself and gain a sense of his body’s existence.
Approaches
If the goal is the try to reduce some of our daughter’s more socially inappropriate behaviors, then what should we do (or not do) about her hand-flapping? She obviously needs to do it and it would be cruel to deny her this. Does that override any type of intervention?
What follows is a brief discussion of three different approaches I have comes across. Since all kids are different and have different needs and in varying amounts, I stop short of concluding what is the best way to deal with hand-flapping since what works for one person may not work for someone else. It’s up to you to figure that out and to decide what you think is appropriate…
- One Occupational Therapist (OT) said that she will probably grow out of it. Given my experience with the adult flappers, I’m not completely convinced of that. Nonetheless, the OT felt that eventually social pressures will force her to change her behaviour on her own. This isn’t very comforting to me either. Although some kids on the spectrum will go through life mostly oblivious to social cues or pressures, my daughter isn’t like that. I’d prefer to intervene and to try to help her than to do essentially nothing and leave it up to insensitive kids to force her to change.
- A second option, suggested by other parents of autistic kids, is to try to manage it by setting times and places for when the child is free to flap and stim. I could be wrong (it happens a lot), but I don’t think this would be appropriate for my daughter because I think it is a real-time need for her and not something that she can queue up for a while to deal with later. You can check out this story of how trying to manage hand-flapping led to behavioral problems for a child.
- Finally, another OT suggested that we start getting her to recognize that she is doing it with the ultimate goal of getting her to change her behaviour to a more socially-acceptable alternative. This sounds reasonable but I’m a little afraid that I may do a poor job of it and make her self-conscious or lead her to an alternative behaviour that doesn’t fully satisfy her need. Could she really undo 4 years of flapping and be willing to give it up for, say, a squeeze toy? I think the key to make this approach work would be to take both steps very slow.
Personally, I’m leaning towards the third approach but I want to make sure I got my game plan all figured out first. For example, I need to come up a nice way of pointing out to her that she is flapping without making her think she is doing something wrong. Also, I would need to experiment with different alternatives to see if anything reduces her flapping. I’ll let you know how it goes…
Final Thoughts
Certainly, these approaches do not represent all the possible ways to deal with hand-flapping. I’m interested in knowing what others may have tried – successfully or not – to deal with flapping or other types of stims. For sure there will be many who simply believe that doing anything at all would be cruel. As Eugene Marcus says on his website: “This whole series of ‘treatments’ designed to make me look more ‘normal’ didn’t succeed in doing that, but it did succeed in instilling shame and fear.”
My daughter does this too. I got the book “Autistic Planet”. It’s a kids book. You can buy it but I just requested my local library to and they did!
Towards the end of the book it mentions flapping. It helped my daughter see that other people do too and it’s not just her. Then we discussed ways of dealing with it.
She liked the idea of when she needs to flap she puts her hands in her pockets. And of course at home she can flap all day long if she wants. So we have to make sure all the pants/skirts/shorts we get her have pockets.
She is 9 now and her teacher said that she never notices her flap. :)
I hope you are still even reading replies here, my reply is probably too late and will get buried. I found this topic thanx to a Google search.
I’m replying because I have the unique perspective of being a 32yr old autistic adult who has hand flapped since very young.
Of course when I was growing up nobody mentioned autism, and I had an older brother who was-we now realize- severe autistic but at that time just diagnosed as “learning disabled”. So in his shadow my symptoms went pretty much ignored.
I could list my many symptoms & hopefully u can sea my emailif you’d like to know more but I’ll only address the hand flapping here.
I would say foremost just don’t worry. The older I got the less I did it where anyone saw me. It is very similar to thumb sucking. Even the rare adult who still thumb sucks knows not to do it publicaly. Girls are usually more self aware and able to notice-as I did- that nobody else s doing this.
Still I had to do it. It is hard describing why. It is totally about stimulation and when doing it my brain is far more alive and alert. Like how you feel, say, in hearing an upbeat energetic song and it then helps you get more done or even focus more than say if you had to exercise or do a lot of housework in total silence.
I would infact even say that the more I supressed my flapping at school, the worse my learning became because the flapping really gets my brain moving. For me showing up to school everyday not allowed to rock or flap would be like asking you to study dance without any music. For side issues my parents withdrew me from high school in 10th grade & I did homeschooling & actually finally bring at home where I could flap away (though always in the privacy of my room, I learned even to hide this from my parents) then I did FAR better.
I also can draw very well. I had amazing artistic development early on but can only do it while flapping.
Anyways, your daughter will likely learn to control it. NEVER let her know you think her flapping odd. That will urge her to supress it even more. I was about 7 when my mom began wondering why I did it. I was very embarrassed. I wish so much my parents had accepted it. I wish too that my parents had very casually told me if I dd it publicaly kids might tease me but that I then could just explain it’s something I needed to do. Just like they liked music played during gym I liked flapping sometimes. If I had gained a voice and casual acceptance of it just being who I am early on that would’ve done wonders for me in school and in my art and my feeling that I wasn’t a freak.
Still, the desire to fit in will likely be all the force needed to get her to supress it. Now here I am a wife & mother and not even they know I do this in private.
Sad really. But I promise you do not want your daughter to feel about it as I had to. So just accept it. When older prepare her for others opinions but give her a response to what they might say that will help her explain to them and t herself that she’s fine, she just “dances” better with this “music”.
Feel free to email me if you can for more info.
Hi Jane,
I have a seven year old son that is a flapper. I was so glad to read your email. My son has expressed too that when he flaps he thinks more clearly and “smarter”. He is getting to the age when his peers will start to notice that he is doing this and I am looking for ways to deal with it and not make him feel self conscience. I will take your advice about casually telling him he may be teased and help him come up with a good response. Thanks so much for sharing.
Jane like you said I dont know if this will go unread but I have been looking for answers I cant seem to find from anyone or anywhere and maybe an adult like yourself could help me!
Jane, Thank you so much for sharing! My son is 3 and I have been struggling with his flapping. You helped me understand more than any of his therapists.
Dear Jane,
Thank you so much for sharing. My three year old son has been flapping since he was a baby, and we just call it his “happy dance” – as does he. We have never discouraged it, but I worry about him when he is school age. What is surprising to me is that this is characterized as an autistic trait. He is the more social and outgoing of my two children, and I always understood Autism to be associated with trouble expressing emotions or connecting with people. Can you shed any light on that?
Thank you again!
Anita L.
Jane,
Thank you so much for sharing! What you said REALLY helped me to understand why my son flaps. He just turned 6 and has flapped since about the time he started walking. Recently, I have been concerned that the flapping will draw attention from classmates at school and have been wondering if I should address it. He has a sensory integration disorder along with poor muscle tone. He is also academically gifted. We stopped OT and PT about a year ago due to finances (insurance did not cover it) and I work with him at home as much as I can. Although I have not addressed the flapping with him (I ignore it), I feel that I will need to say something soon. What you said about giving him a response to peers when they bring it up was extremely helpful. Thanx again!
Anita Lewis,
I can’t reply directly to you, so I hope you are reading these responses. I want to let you know my son is not autistic and has hand flapped for years. He does have a sensory integration disorder (or sensory processing disorder), although he would be classified as mild. He is fully functioning on every level and people (even those that know him) do not notice anything. I was not familiar with sensory disorders until my aunt (who is a physical therapist) noticed my son was displaying a few symptoms. Anyway, he hand flaps the most when excited or nervous. I often see it when he’s trying to tell me a story about something that happened and often at the dinner table (which is often later in the day when he’s tired). Hand flapping can occur with no other symptoms. Google Primary (Non-Autistic) Motor Stereotypies to get a little more info.
Thanks for posting “Primary (Non-Autistic) Motor Stereotypies”… I’ve never heard of this before. My son who is now 10, has been flapping both hands (very rapidly) since I can remember; he does this along with a jumping motion. At first we thought he was just acting like a bird, or being funny; however, as the time has gone by, We have grown concerned, with some very recently added behaviors, like hand biting, and head shaking. I’m not sure my son has autism. He has not been formally diagnosed. It seems like everyone who evaluates our child is just as confused as we are, they say things like “He seems to have some autistic-like behaviors.” Mack excels in some areas such as spelling, and reading, but does seem to lack in social skills. Perhaps it’s because we’ve homeschooled since the beginning, but today I stepped out and registered him in a public school. I feel that he could benefit from a school setting, especially from the social aspect of it (well maybe). I’m just not sure how the other children in the class-room will respond to the flapping, head shaking, and hand biting.
( I asked him why he bit his hand at times and he said, “It’s the smell” ). Maybe this is the way he stimulates his sense of smell? Well, anyhow, for now we are just reassuring our Mack that everything is going to be ok.
so Powerful…Thank you and Bless you!
Hi Jane!! I am a 35 yr old female and I am very interested in speaking with you about flapping. I myslef have dealt with this my entire life and would love to hear about your experiences.I have felt so alone on this issue. Please feel free to email me if you can see my email.
Thank you, Jane, for opening my eyes about this. My 9yo son has arm and hand flapped for years. Everything I found about it up to now was written in the context of autism, but he does not have other traits of autism. I now have a better idea of what direction to go in to find the right help for him.
Thankyou so much,I know now how to help my beautiful bright 7 yr old Asd effected daughter. I have saved this message from you to my favourites as it is probibly the most helpful thing that i have found to help herself worth and will help her believe us that we except and love her more than our words alone can tell her, she needs a big self esteam boast and this gives us some words to help with that.
Thankyou,
much appreachiated
Jillian Pratt
Jane,
It is June 2013 and your reply not only brought tears to my eyes, but relief to my heart. My daughter is 7 and we have always just accepted her motions as happy/excited Caelyn. At this moment she is playing a video game, and bouncing, shaking, and flapping away. While watching her, I thought to myself. why don’t you look up on line (again) and see if this is something related to her ADHD (genetic from me) or if it is something I needed to worry about. Your answer that it helped you is what brought tears to my eyes. Caelyn has said it is her excited dance, and damn if I can blame her. I wasn’t sure how to react to her, and now know how I will help her, and myself. By being there, and accepting her as her.. God Bless you Jane. I hope you read this one day, and know all the people you have helped by your 5 paragraph response.
Hi Jane
I am very grateful and have been inspired reading your email. I have a son who is nearly 18 and he was diagnosed when he was about 12 as showing some of the traits of Aspbergers. He certainly does do many of the common things although as he is getting older, these little traits such as getting anxious, looking you in the eye etc have definitely improved. I had noticed a little bit if hand flapping over the years when he was younger but the other night I saw him when he was looking at some school work and reading over it on his computer. He did not know I was in a bedroom behind him and was observing him. He was holding up his left arm, bent at the elbow and flapping his hand at a great speed. He would do this for about 5 seconds then stop and then start again. When he was about to start again, I noticed he was looking back towards the staircase, making sure no one was there or coming up the stairs. So he obviously didn’t want anyone to see him doing this. At first I thought what is he doing and after watching for a while realised it was something he needed to do. I had heard about flapping but had never really read up on it. So thanks for your email that I stumbled across because you have given me an insight into why he was doing this. I didn’t have the heart to let him know I had seen him and don’t really know whether to mention it or not. I suppose I’d like him to know it is normal and if it helps him that’s a good thing.
Anyway thanks again Jane.
Kind Regards
Lisa
14 posts up I mentioned Joe Cocker. Thanks for posting. Most recent re eval with a Doctor that evaluates for these things said that as my son gets older the flapping will be socially unacceptable. I asked “who’s problem is that?” Then she tried to make a comparison to flapping and masterbation. It is hard for be to believe the stupidity of real doctors. Shocking and sad. I did not say much to her as my child and wife were present. An emotion so large that it is shown through a physical response – much like goose bumbs – These are blessed humans.
Thank you for your comments, they helped me understand why my kid does it, specially because I ask him (he is 9) and can’t tell me why,
HI Jane,
If you are still available I would love to chat with you. I have a 14 year old son who has since he was a toddler been flapping his wings, as I call it. We have had a long journey with his learning path and even had the autism ruled out many years old, or so we thought, but as he enters high school, I feel at such a crossroads and am looking for insight where i can. I have always told him that his wings are a gift and that part of his journey in life is to find what that gift is. I still very much believe that. However, I am also realizing that he may have different learning abilities and I wish to help him find that road. I am wondering if I could chat with you about your experience and listen to any insight you may have to offer.
Please feel free to contact me any time. Really would love to hear from you.
Thank you.
Shannon
hi Jane – I just want to thank you for your post. My 12 year old son has spd & flapping has been his “choice soother” since very little. However, since he has started middle school, my husband & I notice other “things” he is doing, like gritting his teeth while making grunts. Now I understand that perhaps he too is trying so hard to suppress his flapping because of not feeling accepted. It breaks my heart to think my husband & I may be making him feel this way. I am so thankful to you! I hope its not too late to help him feel comfortable about himself. I would appreciate your advise on how to open the dialogue wihtout it being embarassing for him or making him feel as if something is wrong with him.
Hello, I just read this and make me feel better about what can I do later for my Lil daughter. She’s almost 2 and she star flapping around 3 weeks ago. She’s getting her therapies and I’m getting some tips” about what to do or how to redirect her behavior to another way.i wish I would read her mind to know better what she means sometimes. I know her better then anybody but sometimes I’m little bit lost about her feelings :( I’m waiting for her to star talking. I wish that happend.
It’s been 4 years since you posted this and I truly hope you are still looking through this string, reading the wonderful things people have said to you. My son is now 5, exactly a year old to the day you first posted. He has been hand/arm flapping since forever, more noticeable once he started crawling when he’d lay flat on his tummy and flap his arms, but not his feet or legs as most babies do. He is most compelled to hand/arm flap when he is engrossed in an activity as a sort of reset or when he is ‘super excited’ as he puts it. He has integrated a slight hop or bounce since he mastered walking at the age of 18 months. He is mostly self aware though I have spotted him doing it while standing watching tv. He has a healthy attention span for his age, he can watch a whole movie or complete tasks with minimal distraction. I’ve been told by doctors that he will outgrow this and that he is not autistic. Needless to say I will be consulting a neurologist and an OT to see if they can give me any more insight. In the meantime, I will continue my routine of acceptance and reassuring him he is doing nothing wrong. My gratitude to you and those of you who have posted sharing your stories and how you are dealing with your child. It has certainly helped me have a better understanding.
Hi Nikki,
I posted on here over a year ago about my daughter and I get posts emailed to me which I read them all and very much appreciate them. I wanted to reply to you for something you said. My daughter (who is now age 11 and in middle school) has been flapping her hands since just a few months old. Our pediatrician said she would out grow it. She has not. She enjoys doing it, it makes her feel good but she has been teased and bullied at school over it. Kids, especially girls, are really mean. She is very smart straight A student and her teachers rave about how smart she is and how good a student she is. But she struggles in the friendship area to the point that she’s wanting to give up the hand flapping to be able to make friends and fit in (she does have a couple of friends but she’s teased a lot). I took her to a child psychologist and discussed this with her. She liked going to the psychologist to talk about friendships and bullying but it did not help her at all with the hand flapping. Since our pediatrician has been no help, we are not sure where to go from here. She can definitely stop it if someone points it out to her but it comes naturally to shake her hands when she is excited or expressing something exciting. She has missed out on roles in plays at school because of her hand flapping and as a mom, I just don’t know how to help her. We were told she is not autistic but I know the hand flapping is part of autism/Aspergers.
So please, if you learn anything or find a type of doctor that can work with kids on this, please let me know – post here. She has been flapping for over 10 years and it has not changed – she has not grown out of it. Now she wants to make a change. Thank you.
Thank you so much for being so candid in how you felt about having to hide your flapping in front of your parents. My 12 yr old son seems to try & hide his flapping from us …now. When he was younger, he flapped freely. So after reading your thoughts, I immediately suspect my son is beginning to feel ashamed even w/ us now. So I want to try & reassure him that he’s free to be himself & not at all a freak! It’s sometimes difficult to have dialogue though. Do you have any suggestions as to better ways to engage conversation? I understand that flapping helps the brain engage the learning process. Does it also help in relating & talking w/ someone?
hi, jane. I’m Srisha from Malaysia. Can you mail to me? I need to talk to you badly about autism.
Hi.. I am trying to figure out some things about my youngest son, now 21 and myself. At a young age, I remember when getting extra excited , I would find myself with my arms raised and shaking them faster than morracas for a minute or so…because my mom would get on to me it has reduced to at times arms down but fingers moving wildly which I wont even hardly realize im doing till someone points it out. I have had a few other issues, not hardly gone to dr much, cause of no insurance, but have been diagnosed as ADHD and OCD tendencies. My youngest son has pretty much all of these symptoms and the movements of his hands are a little different , but very similar. He has never viewed me at all when my hands would go wildly. Beyond that, We seem to have high IQs, but unable to just comprehend things audibly, but must read it or be told it several times to fully understand, almost like our brains dont want to slow down to process.
I would so much appreciate your input
Thanks,
Traci
Thank you, thank you for writing your response. My husband just woke me up to read to me. We have a six year old who is flapping. I was a teacher, a special ed teacher, and now with 3 children, I seem to be helpless with our 6 year old- who is dancing without music we can hear.
Hello Jane, thanks a lot for your comment.
I have a 3 years and 10 months son. He is completely normal, but flaps his hands when he likes something.
A few days ago I took him to one of the best neuropediatricians of Spain, the country where we live.
She told me that when my son flaps his arms, I should start telling him: “calm down, that’s only done by very small children, but you are a big boy, so that, stop doing that”
I started saying that to him, but he started flapping his hands down, under the table or just next to his legs.
After reading your coment, I stopped telling him to calm down.
I’m confused, I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want him to suffer for a lack of social acceptance but I don’t want forbide him to do something he needs to do.
I even don’t know what to would I say if I see some children saying “how weird” about his flapping.
What could I say?
How could I explain to him why he does it but the rest doesn’t?
And at what age should I advice him that other kids could tease him?
Thanks a lot again and congratulations for your contribution.
Thanks a lot too to Aspiringdad.
I find the advice you are getting from your doctor in Spain troubling. Most recent re eval with a Doctor that evaluates for these things said that as my son gets older the flapping will be socially unacceptable. I asked “who’s problem is that?” Then she tried to make a comparison to flapping and masterbation. It is hard for be to believe the stupidity of real doctors. Shocking and sad. I did not say much to her as my child and wife were present. An emotion so large that it is shown through a physical response – much like goose bumps – These are blessed humans.
Jane, Thank you so much. I have a 12 year old son that has been doing this since he was small. He does not do this as often as he did when he was younger. I was dropping him off at Middle School today and noticed him walking and flapping. I just guess maybe as a parent we dont want others to make fun or tease our child so we might notice this behavior more often. Thank you ! :-)
I have to say that I so appreciate your analogy of “studying dance with no music” I am an education assistant working with many different kids (most on the spectrum) and I found your well written response very helpful for a person in my line of work. I’m very glad I came across it.
Hi Jane,
Thank you for your honest words. I have a 5 1/2 year old son and he has language delay, however he is high functioning. In hearing your words and feelings you have given me such a valuable tool to help my son with his self stimming needs. Your willingness to share has given me great inside to better understand and try to meet his needs both at home and school.
Again Thank you, Carllie
Hi Jane thank you so much for your response me and my husband are so worried about our 19 month old son he does the hand flapping and feet kicking all the time and we are very concerned he was born with EVA and we have an appointment with a Neorogist and Developmental Pediatrician to see if our son is autistic which we look up signs of autistic and this is the only thing he does and after reading your story it brought some sort of relief thank you I wish I could talk more to you in reference to this
Just wanted to say thank you for explaining hand flapping “dancing” from your own experience how brave.
I’m a 34 yr old mother to a 4 yr old boy who is currently awaiting asd assessment. He spins flaps squeezes between small gaps and runs up n dwn my livingroom burning copious amounts of energy. When outside I just let him continue this as best I can as he cnt control it . It’s good to know how a person with autism feels when they do this as he can’t explain it to me.
Thankyou
Love this!
Hi Jane, thanks for the insight, it was very helpful. I know its an old post, but I would love to get in contact with you.
the comments here are really thought provoking and informative. We do not have autism in our family that we know of, but my son has A.D.D and he has a couple of friends at school who have Aspergers. Lately, these parents and i have been getting more interested in the relationships between autism and add, and perhaps other neurological issues. my son, like many add kids, hums, drums his fingers, and bounces up and down in his seat all the time. Somwhat similar to many autistic kids, this seems to be both a tensional release to him,and a way of both creating stimulation for himself and shutting out external stimulation. And we have to deal with similar issues of how much do we try to intervene. By and large, we have taken the third apporach, trying to give him outlets that are less distractingfor other kids around him, and also creating times and places for him where he can hum, twitch, drum, bounce etc. to his heart’s content. I do agree it is really important that the kid not feel embarrassed or wierd about this self-stim — he’s going to get that from his peers anyway, he doesn’t need it from his parents. A lot of the comments from autistic people and their parents have been extremely helpful to us. I can’t agree with the “do absolutely nothing” approach, b/c we feel that our son does have to learn to deal with other people, and wether in school or in meetings etc. at work, constant humming and drumming will affect other people.
This makes me so sad! I have been a flapper and a mattress foot banger my whole life. No none has ever told me anything is wrong with me. I was slow at reading (couldn’t read at 3rd grade ) but my parents worked with me every single day for a few yrs. I graduated college with a 3.9 GPA and at 29 yrs old I make WELL over 200k. I honestly don’t know if I was younger and read these type of posts and if my parents felt this way about “autism” I would be where I am today. Stop the maddness. Some kids learn differently and need more help than others. GIVE IT TO THEM. Stop saying everyone is autistic and needs to be on meds. What a cop out. Do some people? Absolutely, but stop acting like the masses need it. This is getting sad. Really?! Flapping hands?! I am 29 and still flap my hands when excited around my house, never been medicated. If I can do this well in life I ensure you so can your child, GIVE THEM A CHANCE!
FXSmom – that’s terrific. I’ll check out the book. Thanks!
Don’t you dare try to stop her from flapping! Why can’t you just leave her alone? Who cares about being socially appropriate? How could you take that right away from her? I’m 16 and I flap all the time. When I flap I get a feeling of overwhelming joy and creative thoughts and images come from no where. My brain functioning becomes super fast and I can create perfect images or beautiful sentences in my mind. That’s how I’m writing this post. If you could do this, you would not give it up to be socially appropriate. I was diagnosed with Aspergers, but I think its rediculous. Some people are just different. It is certainly not a disability or a disorder! Social apropriateness is for conformists. It is not the innocent, amazing, and free children who should change to meet society’s standards. Society should change! Society is full of conformists, which would change at the prompting of a few leaders and pioneers. Most children grow up not knowing who they are, going with the flow, and following the crowd. So-called “autistic” children grow up unchanged by the pressures of society. They don’t mirror the behaviors and thoughts of everyone they are around.
Unless they have cognitive deficits, autistic children do not need intervention. I had a speech pathologist giving me silly little social skills lessons weekly in elementary school, but I didn’t pay attention to it or try to change.
My dad is always saying that I need to overcome my “disorder.” He says that social norms are naturally correct, but I am blind to it because of my defecits. He says that my feelings about it are wrong, because something is wrong with me. Once, I walked in on him and he was flapping. I said, “You flap too.” He was extremely defensive about it and claimed he was just being silly. He is so rigid in his interactions with me, trying to make me like him and thinking he is always right. He thinks his life is so normal, but in truth it is unnaturally regulated, made to fit the prototype of “normal” down to every last detail. I will never forgive him for the way he thinks of me and the way he tries to change me. Maybe you should examine yourself for autistic traits. It is supposed to be based on genetic factors… If you found that everything you felt, everything you wanted, and everything you thought was, in the eyes of a neurotypical person, simply a trait of a neuorlogical disorder, your opinion would hopefully change.
Brainwashing children into thinking they have a problem when they are really just free and independent and highly intelligent is wrong. I know you are trying not to make it that way, but even if you try to put it mildly, she will know. Long live Awe-tism!!!
I as a Grandmother was so inspired to read your reply! My bright beautiful grandson of five years ,will have the freedom to be himself, always.Nice to read at sixteen years of age you’ve made it in “our” world. If the people around him don’t understand him they really don’t need to.I just hope and pray life will be good to him,you and others out there who are not all “the same”. My hope is that people will not be cruel to any of you.Thank you for your words.Good luck in your life and you relationship with your father.
I like your post. My son is 10 and flaps his hands and jumps up and down when he’s really excited or inspired by something and has for 5 years. I see this as an expression of joy and creativity. I don’t see why I would need to devalue this expression or try to change it.
Hello NothingsWrongwithMe,
I am an occupational therapist working with a three year old boy who is a twin and who is non verbal. He not only flaps his hands but his feet also when he is excited however I have been noticing he flaps when at the snack table waiting for the teacher.
I was looking for more insite and understanding of why he is hand flapping so I can reach him and provide him with tools to express himself so he can relate to his peers more.
I was very impressed and touched by your article especially when you stated that when you hand flap you see perfect images and beautiful sentences in your mind and I thought of “my” little guy; if maybe he is doing the same.
It gave me a different enlightened positive avenue to “walk down” along side of him.
Thank you! :)
Kathy
Dear NothingsWrongWithMe,
You are wonderful. I have a 6-year old daughter who recently started to “flap” only when she’s really excited, and usually when she’s doing a drawing that she loves. She always looks immensely happy when she’s regarding her drawing and flapping, and when I asked her what she was doing, she said “making the objects move.” She was assessed at 4 for a slight “fine motor delay”, and they also found her IQ to be unusually high. She’s barely 6, but reads just about anything, even bits of the NYTimes. She’s been getting negative attention lately for the flapping from OTHER PARENTS, not the kids, which infuriates me. She’s sweet, smart, kind, imaginative, creative, playful and curious and they look at her (and then at me) as if something’s seriously wrong with her.
She likely has Asperger’s syndrome, as we’re fairly certain it runs in my husband’s family (and perhaps in my own, too, to some extent), but it would be difficult to diagnose. I just wish more people thought as you do; that people don’t have to fit some mold of “normal”. Even Sophie says to me, “Are we supposed to behave like robots?” She takes people aback often for her insight, at just 6 yrs. She says the most remarkable things, and I’m humbled – often.
Hopefully your post humbled others, too. I wish you the very best!
yeah you need to calm down. get off of your high horse. if you’re so accepting of neurodiversity, why don’t you accept a man trying to help his daughter? he’s obviously trying to go about it the best and least harmful way he can, without making her feel disordered, etc.
i’m eighteen and diagnosed with asperger’s syndrome. i hand flap when i’m excited, when i’m upset, when i need to block things out, and when i feel disconnected from my body. i hand flap because i used to hit my head on things but that was harmful [neurodiversity be damned, i’m not going to spend my life slowly developing brain damage.] so i switched my main coping method to hand flapping. i still head bang when i’m really bad sometimes but hand flapping is my go-to.
i’d love to be able to stop hand flapping and go for something more socially appropriate. my friends are the most amazing and accepting people [we treat hand flapping almost as a secret language] but not everyone is like this, and as i am working toward licensure in special education i need to be able to provide a good example AND have good social skills. and i WANT to, because i am so unhappy being disconnected. i’ve seen so many kids struggling to connect and being so unhappy when they are stopped to by autism spectrum disorders. i don’t want to be like that, and no way will my students be like that.
if you’d like to spend your life disconnected from people, well you’re obviously cognitively aware enough to make that choice. but don’t jump down the throat of a man who is trying to give his daughter opportunities, instead of letting her shut herself down. if later in life she chooses that, that’s fine. but she needs to be able to HAVE that choice. she can’t choose if she doesn’t know what it’s like to be able to connect in a real way.
I am 53 years old and have been a happy hand-flapper my whole life!! I’m well aware that I have a unique brain, and I really like it. I did very well in school, have always had a lot of friends, and am a very creative, deep-thinking person. I was lucky and was able to follow my heart into some very exciting, adventurous occupations, and won many awards for creativity. I am happily married and have a wonderful child.
No one in my life ever called the hand-flapping to my attention or made me feel bad about it. I guess I mainly hand-flap when I am alone, although when I’m really happy or excited or inspired, it just comes out naturally. Trying to stop the hand-flapping would be like cutting out part of my soul, or like telling myself not to feel joy!
Another habit I have is hand-rubbing. That one I find myself doing as an expression of excitement OR anger and frustration. It is more involuntary, and I’m often unaware that I’m doing it. Its never caused me any problems though. If I wanted to stop hand-rubbing, I don’t know if I could. And to be honest, I would consider it a huge waste of my time when there are so many meaningful things to focus my life on.
So I thought I’d let people know that hand-flapping may be a good thing in some people’s lives, and perhaps it excites beautiful parts of the brain or spirit that would otherwise lie dormant.
“Be yourself, but be your best self. Dare to be different and to follow your own star.”
I have a four-year old son with high functioning autism. I find him to be very intelligent, funny, and loveable. He hand flaps and jumps a lot when he is excited. I have to admit I worry about what people are thinking when he does this. What words of advice can you give me?
Yes! That is exactly how it feels, you described it perfectly. It’s amazing we tell kids “put your thinking cap on” but then assume that th “thinking cap” will look the same for them all. But flapping just might be that cap for us. Taking tests in school and absorbing brand new things was very hard for me. By my teens I was angry, skipping school, and soon dropped out. But I am so thankful kids today get this diagnosis. Gosh what wonders it would’ve done for me had the autism awareness today existed then. Supressing it was how it was done. Infact my brother with far worse autism was taught to supress soi much so that he chewed off the skin on the inside of his hands. That’s what agony he was in being “reprogrammed” to be”normal” . It is helpful reading how many if us are infact quite creative and vibrant people. Hand flapping allows me to sketch for hours what most people never can and to write poetry or evento be an amazing cook too. But imagine what more I’d be doing if I could’ve hand flapped as much as I wanted, even in school, and then gone onto college.
Very sad.
I hope you get this being that it’s been awhile since your post. I am a mother of 5… 2 of my kids have special needs. They are 16 year old twins! They both have cerebral palsy & are in wheelchairs. My 3 year old flaps & I’ve been searching for answers which is how I found your post! Your post was so inspiring you brought tears to my eyes. I have so much respect for you & your integrity. You are amazing & it is obvious to me that you are an abundant blessing to every life you touch. Thank you so very much for your heartfelt words! I wish every person on the planet had to read your post!
Thank you for your in sight. I now have an understanding possibly of what my 10 year old daughter is thinking and why she does this. After I read your comments (I know it’s been 2 1/2 years since you posted this) I sat down with her to talk about her hand flapping that she’s had since birth. The reason I decided to search this on the internet is because she is being bullied in school because of it. She has tried to ignore them but she is struggling with this so much that even though this release with the hand flapping makes her feel good and she does it when she is being expressive or creative, she doesn’t want to go back to school because of the bullying. This is who she is but getting kids to accept her for her is tough. Next year is middle school then high school and that scares me. She asked if she could go to a school where all the kids flapped their hands. We are working on some strategies for her. She is a very smart, intelligent girl one of the top in her class. She has self diagnosed this, realizes what she is doing is different and is trying to come up with some solutions for herself. She would flap her hands for 5-10 mins at home before the bus, but the problem is that after a couple of hours, she has to do it again and get it out of her system. Even the bathrooms aren’t private at school so she really didn’t have a place to go. We are trying to come up with some things to say to people when they make negative comments to her about her hands flapping. They tease her and say she’s going to spill something or knock something over or fly away. It breaks my heart. I wish I could sit in class with her every day but that really won’t help her. I love everyone’s comments and suggestions I have read. I can’t tell you how good it felt to know that she isn’t alone in this and as a parent we aren’t alone. Anything we find that may help her, I will post in case anyone is interested in reading. I am hoping anyone else will post what has worked for them. I don’t want to change my adorable sweet little girl but I want her to be happy and have a happy life. Right now she is very unhappy. I am hoping the school will do an assemble on how kids are different in their own ways; just as people have different hair color, eye color and skin color, people have different habits and things that make them happy. But this is only an immediate fix or help in elementary school. I can’t control how other parents raise their children and their will always be bullies or people that won’t accept those that are different.
One other comment/details about my daughter if anyone is reading to compare any similarities. She is very smart and has been at above reading and math levels since preschool and she’s now in 5th grade. Straight A student so no learning disabilities. She knew all her states and capitals before the age of 2. She has struggled with making friends but she is not really shy. I have not noticed if she makes or doesn’t make eye contact with people. I know she does with us. She does have a couple of friends but none that will stick up for her when she is teased about her hand flapping. Our pediatrician said she is not autistic and she said she should grow out of it. She is now 10 and she hasn’t grown out of it at all. She has only become more aware of what she is doing, why she does it (and she does like it but doesn’t like being embarrassed or teased over it) and she said if she could learn how to stop it she would. But it sounds like from other peoples perspective or input that stopping it may not be the best solution for her. It breaks my heart to see her so unhappy. She is so creative and loves to write stories, she writes constantly. She flaps with one hand while she writes with the other. Interesting she said that when she can only flap with one hand due to a pencil in the other, her hand flaps twice as fast. It was recommended to me I should seek out a behavioral therapist that can help work with her on when she does it, how to hopefully make it not as noticeable and give her some guidance on bullies. What we are working on at home is trying to build up her self esteem because it has just been deflated. I am open to any and all suggestions but the one thing I don’t want to hear anymore is don’t do anything. We took our pediatrician’s advice and did nothing for 10 years and she is a very unhappy girl now, so we need some help. Thank you to all who spent the time to read this.
Hey, I feel a bit silly as I didn’t know how to post normally and could only reply, but I hope someday can read it. I couldn’t believe I found this site! I am a nineteen year old girl, currently at university. I have ‘hand flapped’ for as long as I can remember too. My parents always thought it strange and asked me why I did it, although I don’t think they told me directly not to do it, I just began to realise they thought it was odd so kept it to myself, in private. I think if I had continued to do it in public, they would have been fairly concerned. But, they thought I stopped years ago and have no idea I still do it (although recently my dad has started teasing me and reminding me of it, which annoys and embarrasses me because I know I still do it). I always thought it was something weird that only I did and have always been a bit ashamed of it. There have been times I’ve stopped briefly, but the urge to start again eventually meant I did. I never even thought about looking it up before until now and am so surprised by how many people it seems to have affected, especially those who are my age and older.
I was intrigued when someone mentioned their grandson has to have certain items in front of him when flapping. For me, I always have to have something in my hand – as a child, it was my favourite toy, now it is generally a piece of jewellery. A lot of people have said that they or their child flaps when excited. That is not quite the case with me. For me, it has always been when I have a story in my head. I hope one day to become a writer (if I can motivate myself – the actual getting down of words onto a page and maintaining a plot is the difficult part! :p). I constantly have stories running through my head so that there often isn’t much room for anything else! My parents have always known I was a daydreamer! It does often mean I do things a lot more slowly than others and perhaps am not as connected to reality as I perhaps should be, but I enjoy making up my stories and the time they really take off and I have more ideas is when I’m flapping. A few people have mentioned a possible link to creativity, and I realise that this is probably it. You have no idea how good it feels to read all of these posts and think that, even if it is something I continue to keep to myself, it is actually not a bad thing or something to be ashamed of, but merely a part of me that helps me to be who I am and aid in my creativity. I feel like a bit of a lost soul at the moment – with bouts of depression and lack of self esteem (nothing to do with the hand flapping), I am still trying to find out who I am and where I belong in the wide (and somewhat terrifying) world. Without the escape of my stories, and thus my hand-flapping, I think I would be completely lost. So thank you all! xx
My son is autistic and before I was embarassed about the hand flapping but now I. Know its what makes him comfortable and does no harm to anybody. He doesn’t care about what other people think so why should I. He’s 5 and making progress and that’s all I can hope for.
my daughter is diagnosed as autistic and she is 31/2 years old now. She flaps all the time. Its very intense. She is not able to concentrate on any other things that are going on around her, when she does it. So, since it affects her ability to interact with us or engage in any activities, I try to stop her from doing that. Do you guys think, I am doing wrong. Any suggestions from you, please let me know.
I am a 20 year old girl and I have been flapping my hands since I can remember. My parents tried to stop me from doing it with shame and fiscal force (not helpful…). I still do it today and I think that I will always do it. It really doesn’t bother me that other people I know don’t do it and its not the “norm.” I use to flap very freely but I have somewhat changed it to a more controlled flapping where I hold my hands in a fist except for my index fingers. This is just as satisfying to me and is less distracting and uncomfortable for others around me. People who don’t know me or flapping think that I’m doing some sort of “air drum roll.” Admittedly it is not perfect and many people do make fun of me for it and others feel uncomfortable around me when I do it. As a child I was made fun of for a lot of things and flapping was just one off them, because of this I have become very resilient and I do not mind in the least that I flap. I like doing it and it is very painful to refrain for it.
This being said I do not feel that I flap as much as I used to because I have found that if my hands are constantly occupied with something the urge is less frequent. Some things I find help are doodling, knitting, origami, or other repetitive hand motions that I can do without conscious thought. I did this all throughout high school and college. If this is helpful most teachers will allow it if it is explained to them.
Alexandra, Thanks for your story. I was wondering if you were diagnosed with aspergers or any other syndrome? I am 38 years old and I have been hand flapping at a very young age. I learned to do it in private and not in front of anyone else. I am looking to completely quit this habit. I can’t seem to find any resources. I do not have any diagnoses. I have a normal job and have many friends. I was teased as a child for self esteem issues but not for hand flapping. No one in school knew I did this. I didn’t do it in front of anyone. Of course my parents knew and maybe some cousins because when I was younger I didn’t hide it. I have been really good at hiding it from everyone all of my life. Not even my boyfriend’s in the past ever found out. I do want to quit.
I am thinking that maybe a neurologist might be the answer to the problem. When I was born I was breach and pulled out by instruments. I am thinking I had some brain damage at birth. Hopefully, a neurologist would know what part of the brain causes the hand flapping behavior.
I am currently seeing a therapist and trying cognitive behavioral therapy with her. She is introducing EFT. I am not sure what it stands for. I think it is called emotional feeling technique. I may be doing this behavior for several reasons. I believe my Dad may has asperger’s syndrome and he was very abusive to me and my mother. So, I may have this problem because of Post traumatic stress syndrome. My therapist thinks I started this at a young age because I had a traumatic experience happened and I tried to calm myself down. This is a technique I learned to keep myself safe and to emotionally and mentally leave the situation I was in. I think she might have a point. I remember when I was 2 or 3 when my Dad tried to strangle my Mom. My Mom told me to call the police and I didn’t know how to use the phone. I think I started hand flapping shortly after this situation. My Mom can’t remember what age I was when I started. She didn’t know where to send me for help. She told my doctor but they didn’t know anything about it. Of course I see why I never had any help because I am trying to help myself now and I am having trouble finding some resources as well.
If you know anything please let me know. You know there are so many addictions out there today. There is even gamer addictions/stimulus addictions out there. This hand flapping behavior has probably been an addiction for years but no one knew about it because people were ashamed to mention it. I am glad that you posted your information. I only see stuff about kids not adults. I wish someone could help.
I am commenting on my previous comment.
I also wanted to mention that I did quit hand flapping before for a year or two, (twice in my life) on my own. When a stressful situation came back up I started the behavior all over again.
It does seem to take a lot of time out of my day when I am alone. I like to keep busy so I won’t do it. When I do it I seem to be in a trance and I loose sight of what time it is. I think I am hypnotising myself. It is such a habit I don’t even know when I am starting it. I don’t consciously think about doing it. If I am anxious I start it and then at times catch myself doing it. I get so mad at the time I waisted. I should have been doing something else. I hate to have to explain to someone what I did all day because I waisted it by doing something inappropriate. I make up excuses to what I was doing.
I also have trouble waking up in the morning and with time management skills. It seems to take me extra long to do something and other people can do it faster. I have also been diagnosed with B-12 deficiency. Attention Deficit disorder (ADD) and B-12 deficiency symptoms are similar except with B-12 deficiency you get tired and ADD you don’t.
I am very interested in finding a place that wants to do research on this and find a cure for this behavior. I am 38 years old and I want to quit. I think I have managed it pretty well to where I can live a normal life. However, I feel it does get in the way of other things. I can do so much more if I could get rid of this habit. I feel that it is related to an addiction more than anything else. It also may have a neurological factor base to it.
I believe there is also a medical factor to the behavior. I have been extremely tired since 2006 and have to take B-12 shots to feel normal. I also have adrenal gland issues for all the trauma I have been through throughout my life. If you read up about addictions people get a dopamine high from them. I believe that the same thing happens with the hand flapping behavior.
Overall, I have many theories to why I do the hand flapping behavior. It can either be a neurological, psychologica/addictive behavior problem, or a medical problem such as a vitamin deficiency/chemical imbalance. I don’t think anyone has researched the neurological side of it or medical side of it much. Maybe we are all missing something with this one.
Please if anyone knows anything I really would love the information.
Thanks,
Just discovered this site. For years I have been trying to understand my daughters flapping issues. It really helps to hear how common this is and how differently individuals feel regarding it. My daughter will soon turn 19. She is a straight a student, is very social, and very spiritual. She does, however, have difficulty waking up in the morning and can”get lost”in her thoughts while pacing and flapping when she should in fact be getting ready for school. It has become quite a time management issue and is constant bone of contention between us. She generally runs late as a result. I am hoping that living in a dorm situation may help, as she does not flap/pace in front of others and seems to be more accountable/on task when she has a friend spend the nite. I also know that her cortisol levels were at one time high (cortisol is excreted from adrenal glands). I am uncertain about the B12 deficiency but it may be worth looking into. She has sort of “mastered” this unusual behavior, only doing it in the confines of her room. I can hear her pacing though and I have witnessed the flapping accompany the pacing. I have always thought of it as a way of releasing stress, but she has on occasion shared that she enjoys it and it makes her feel good. I am not opposed to it, only in terms of this “trance like” state she finds herself in when she gets carried away. I spoke to a doctor regarding using a timer…the doctor thought it was a good idea but she has not been disciplined enough to use it. anything else you might be able to share is greatly appreciated.
Hi TIna,
In search of answers for my little boy, I landed on this page http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/neurology_neurosurgery/specialty_areas/pediatric-neurology/conditions/motor-stereotypies/symptoms.html. Hope this helps somehow.
After I read it, I realized it’s not always about ASD. There’s something else. Still I’m observing my boy day by day. He’s growing normally except for the flapping and teeth gritting. Hopefully, he outgrows those as well.
Sam,
My 4 year old son sounds like yours. We had him evaluated, and they didn’t notice a thing, then I had him playing in the corner & got him to “flap”, and the evaluators did think it was unusual, and on my suggestion decided it might be a sensory integration issue. What tends to set him off the most is any kind of flowing water. When his immune system is down (has a cold), or he is tired, I notice the flapping and mouth movements he does get more extreme.
Aspiring Dad, thank you for speaking to the exact question that I have. I have waffled on these different approaches – fearing that if I just let it go, the flapping will be second nature & harder for him to control later on. My son has not been diagnosed with anything other than a suggested immature neurological system (pediatrician).
Hi,
I have just found this website as have been going down various routes trying to get help for my little boy who is now 3 and a half.
We have various pediatrician assesment which have had an outcome of the hand flapping being ‘Steriotypies’ and that he will grow out of it.
The most recent one though has highlighted he may be on the asbergers spectrum.. this has been a difficult one as although he is a bit shy I’ve only noticed the hand flapping which is brought on by movement.. water running.. automatic doors.. dvd drawer opening & closing. He is currently on a 9month waiting list to be assessed !!
I was realy just wondering if there is anyone who has had a similar experience and would be willing to offer us advice.?
Hi Kay-
I don’t know where you live, but in my area (Phila.) it is an 18 mos. waiting list to get your child evaluated by a Neurological pediatrician. We knew we didn’t want to wait that long, getting a diagnosis is key-because then you’ll get your son services. We went to a private, very well respected Neuro-got in within 2 wks (private pay only-but we did get a large portion reimbursed by our insurace company)-smartest thing we ever did- time is critical. Our son (now 4.5yrs old) got services right before he turned 3 and he is a changed boy-he’s amazing-early intervention is key. The only thing that makes our son stick out is the occasional flapping-which is what brought me to this website.
Sue
Hi Sue C.
I have a 4.5 year old son who was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder when he was almost 4. He also flaps. I saw a neurologist at Kennedy Krieger in Baltimore when he was 2 since I knew something was wrong. He told me that everything was fine and that he had “quirks.” I was dubious so I took him for further testing. Luckily an OT diagnosed him correctly. Right now I have him in OT and a special school that uses the DIR floortime model. I was wondering what “services” you got your son before he turned 3 that helped him get better. Also anyone else who can let me know what services have helped you or your child would be appreciated.
Thanks very much!
Laura
My son is 4 and flaps constantly. He is in preschool and his teacher talks to me every day about his behavior. It just seems to be getting worse by the day. He is completely normal otherwise and gets so mad at himself when he does it. (His dad snaps every time he flaps and it make him feel embarrassed, I can tell.) Just wondering how things are going now? I don’t want to label him in any way.
Colleen,
My son is now 8. He does very well in school and has lots of friends. In kindergarten through third grade, I spoke to his teachers frankly about his anxiety and called him “fidgety”, but it sounds like he kept it controlled at school.
He definitely flaps less these days. It often comes out when he is pushing a cold or stressed out about something. Or when he watches a really exciting movie. We never criticized him for it. Sometimes I would tell him to settle down if we were all trying to watch a movie together & it was distracting. I have come to appreciate it as a creative gift, and we talk frankly about his heightened emotions and senses. I think he will be a great writer one day. He is almost a black belt in Taekwondo – I think that has been helpful, as is all physical exercise.
Your husband needs to accept your son as he is. I know that is hard at first – before I realized how common it is, I was a mess about it. But he is only making it worse by making your son more anxious. When your son is older and can control it more, you can introduce ideas to help him find other ways to release that energy, but right now he needs your love and acceptance more than anything. Big hugs helped settle my son when he seemed overwhelmed – use positive energy and engage him so that he is brought more into the present.
The more you can embrace it, the easier it will be to talk to your son about it. I told my son about this blog and why I joined it (because I didn’t understand why he flapped at first), and now I ask his advice for other people. It gives us a chance to talk about it without having to focus on him. And that gives me insight to his feelings. I do really see it as a gift now – a challenging one, definitely. But it is part of what makes my son the beautiful, sensitive, creative, wise young man that he is now at 8 years old. So I would not change a thing.
My 26 month boy flaps his hands when he is excited.
He is very charming, social, makes good eye contact, follows orders and I never felt he is in his own world. He has a little delay with his speech but the last two months he makes big progress (also makes two words phrases).
Can only hand flapping considered as an evidence of autism????
Thanks
I would get him evaluated by ‘early intervention’- I know in PA its free- they’ll give you an evaluation- they are not qualified to give you a ‘diagnosis’ but its a good place to start. If you still have concerns I would get him to a nuerological pediatrician-asap – time is critical. As a mother it’s hard to ‘evaluate’ your own child-I thought my child had good eye contact too, but he wasn’t generalizing-he also wasn’t playing with the other kids- more parallel play (still at 32 months)-tough pill to swallow- but he’s an amazing 4.5 yr old now- once we got him a diagnosis we got awesome services….
I mean a “neurodevelopmental pediatrician”….
My son has been flapping since he was 3 (he is nearly 8 now) & although people have suggested re-direct it into something else we don’t know what? What is going to give him the pleasure that the flapping does?! He enjoys it & he also makes a sort of ‘chanting noise’ at the same time but has anyone got any suggestions about what we can do instead? Sometimes he’s so bad you do just want to tell him to shut-up & clam down but we know that’s not going to help him.
My five year old has been “flapping” for about three years now, and we have yet to get a diagnosis from his pediatrician. My husband had severe ADHD and his school counselor has suggested that he might have a form of add/adhd that might also result in stimming. I am really confused by all this and truthfully heartbroken! I read Jenny McCarthy’s book and my son never had any other noticeable “problems.” He began walking at 7 months and talking very well shortly after. He was like a litle ninja in sports and makes friends easily. He is affectionate and very kind and social. So, I’m very confused because I have friends wit autistic kids and sometimes I think they just want me to “join the club” rather than give me an unbiased opinion. I just want to know what is happening with my son. His school psychologist said his history isn’t in line with Aspergers or general autism, but the stimming thing is really a key thing. She also says that stimmign also occurs with adhd kids and since there is a history, that might be it. When he is at school he acts very differently than he does at home. He takes forever to do his school work and just kind of stares at the other kids. He seems scared, but at home he does his school work fast, sometimes he needs my help, but for the most part he does his own work. He didn’t have pre-school, so this is a new experience for him and he has only had three weeks of school. The counselor thinks it might be overstimmulation-add. That could explain why he is different at school, but I just don’t want him falling through the cracks by a misdiagnosis. He is bright and funny and such a beautiful child, and I just need help fast, so I can help him. Please let me know what you guys think!
Wow! Your story sounds so similar to mine. I am wondering if you have an update? My 7 year old daughter has been flapping her arms ever since she discovered she had arms! My husband also had adhd, as did his brother mother and cousin. I feel, and my dr. does too, that my daughter’s school is looking for a diagnosis of autism. We have been fighting the school for 2 years now. She also seems to act completely different at school than she does at home. Over the summer holidays, the hand flapping stops, only to start up again in September. At school she has fallen so far behind in learning, that they have suggested she may have a learning disability, yet once I started working with her at home, she catches on very quickly. She also takes forever to complete work at school, and sometimes she doesn’t even finish her work. Yet at home she has no problem. The school has tried to diagnos her many times. The first “diagnosis’ was add, then it was autism, now it is sensory integration dysfunction. I am also lost and heartbroken. I think she’s just a normal a little girl who gets distracted at school, yet I can’t help wondering. I find myself analysing ALL of her behaviour because I am so worried, yet my dr. says leave her alone. I know she’s not the “average” child, she just seems to have inherited all these little quirks from so many family members. I would like to know if there is anything new in your situation. Best of luck!!
My son, 6 1/2, recently stopped flapping after doing so for about 1 year. He never flapped as a baby or toddler, but all of a sudden he started just after his 5th birthday. We cannot think of any triggers that may have brought it on. He flapped always when he was running around and excited. His language skills are normal, and he made it through kindergarten, though with some transition difficulties the first few weeks. He stopped flapping this spring. I don’t know if I should take this as a good sign? He is definitely a unique and challenging kid, but when I read about Asperger’s, he doesn’t fit the whole picture (he makes normal eye contact, is not clumsy, seems empathethic, though he does have some social awkwardness.) I keep hoping it is just immaturity, but I think this will be a make or break it year for him when he has to face the structure of first grade.
Thank you for your very insightful description of your daughter’s situation and your thoughts on what to do about it. I’ve appreciated the replies that others have written. Alexandra’s comments, from the point of view of someone who actually grew up hand flapping, were very interesting and reassuring. I thought I’d add to the list with a description of our daughter.
Our 9 1/2 year old daughter has a real habit of flapping her hands when excited. She frequently opens her mouth VERY wide when she does this. The overall effect is socially inappropriate and unsettling. On one hand, it’s nice that she’s such a happy and enthusiastic child, but my husband and I are worried that she will encounter difficulties in social situations. She isn’t very concerned about it, even though we’ve told her that others might think it looks strange. We have been working with her for 2 or 3 years, gently reminding her to “quiet” her hands or clap or put them in her pockets. Nothing has worked. In fact, when she’s excited, she will resume hand flapping almost immediately after acknowledging our correction. She is very bright and loves social situations. She LOVES parties. She has a vibrant imagination and can create stories or imaginary play situations that are interesting and detailed. Sometimes, she dreams up such grandiose ideas that she is disappointed when she learns that they can’t actually be done (like the time she wanted me to build a “treehouse” in our backyard that was exactly like Hogwarts Castle from Harry Potter, complete with stone staircases!)
Other than the hand flapping, we have two additional concerns. We’re not sure if these are related.
1) First, she often finds it difficult to hold eye contact with people, even though she’s engaged in conversation with us. That isn’t to say she *can’t*, because I’ve seen her hold eye contact many times. On the other hand, if there’s a mirror or window nearby, she seems completely unable to pull her gaze away from her own reflection when she’s talking to us. We can remind her to “look at the person you’re speaking to” many times, but her eyes keep sliding back to her reflection.
2) The other thing we worry about is her reading ability. She is learning to read, but it has been a challenge. At present, she reads at a Grade 2 level. She loves books, and her comprehension when read to is excellent, even for very advanced literature. She is a whiz at math.
We homeschool our kids, so there really hasn’t been any “professional” contact with respect to the hand flapping. None of the disorders we’ve read about seem to fit our daughter. We have considered discussing this with our family doctor, to see if we should be referred for screening or diagnosis, but we are reluctant to enter the world of labels, etc. if there is no clear solution. So far, her sense of self is intact. We really want to keep it that way.
My daughter is 10 and hand flaps. She started around 3 or so. She also is gifted. So she doesn’t have any problems academically. She’s been diagnosed with stereotypical movement disorder and the neurologist said don’t try to make her stop. I try to distract her, but she’s aware of what I’m doing and gets upset because she’s embarrassed. Her school don’t seem to tease her, but it’s a small school. I tried when she was smaller for her to sit on her hands, and that turned into a new movement – pushing down to the side of the body on the floor. So, you have to be careful. There seems to be a need for the movement to process information. I just worry like you probably do how the world will view her. She has friends and loves to interact with others, but people can be cruel.
My son Alex sounds just like Rebecca’s 9 year old daughter, we have removed many of the mirrors in our home because they are such a distraction, he seems physically unable to break his gaze. He also has a habit of making very strange expressions when he is admiring his reflection. I am so happy to know he is not alone.
Alex’s flapping began when he was a baby. It started out as lifting his hands up to the sky and looking up and just twisting the hands around a bit, it looked like he was praising god or something. He’s now 6 1/2 years old and is a full blown flapper, he does it so hard I’m afraid he may end up with wrist problems. He opens his mouth very wide in a way that he only does when he is flapping. It is not attractive. I have tried to gently discuss the inappropriateness of the flapping with him, but it seems to be the ONLY thing he doesn’t want to talk about . He will stop when I tell him to, but then starts again a few seconds later. It is frustrating that I can’t help him to control it. His flapping is a very dramatic display, Iwant to help him before his confidence is affected by cruel childrens’ teasing.
Alex has been evaluated for Autism, but they said he doesn’t have all of the charecteristics. He flaps, has trouble with eye contact, and has just recently started playing with toys instead of just putting them in a neat little row. He did not talk until he was 3 1/2, and did not respond to his name until 2, and sometimes still doesn’t. I didn’t know anything about autism, and his old Dr. didn’t seem concerned, we have a new one now. He is very good at math and puzzles and has an exceptional talent for video games(he is obsessed with them), but is having a really hard time learning to read, he has good motor skills,and balance, and is not clumsy, has some social skills, and is learning at an acceptable pace;he actually seems a lot better than he was when he was younger,but the flapping is really bad. He was recently diagnosed with ADHD, but I’m not so sure. The meds help with focus and lessen the emotional outbursts, but they seem to numb my happy flapper, he doesn’t like it, but I’m afraid without the meds they’ll put him in special- education at school.
Any suggestions?
I’m surprised no one has brought up fragile X syndrome. Fragile X kids often flap. They are often social, although sometimes with a difference. They are often friendly and bright. They often have ADHD. In fact ADHD is very common with Fragile X kids. Fragile X is also diagnosed by long face, ears that flare away from the face, prominent chin. However most of these facial dimorphisms don’t show up until the child is 8 or older. And some children don’t have the dimorphisms – especially girls. Look into it because it has consequences for the whole family and subsequent families. Many times an older less effected sibling is only diagnosed after a younger more severely effected sibling is born. Fragile X is not a rare syndrome.
I have a 3 year old daughter that has been flapping her hands since she was 6 months old. She opens her mouth while she does it and it seems she doesn’t realize what she is doing. Her dad and I ask her what she is doing and she says I’m excited. I think she got that from someone telling her that. I’m so afraid that she will continue to do this when she starts school and I don’t want kids teasing her. Honestly my heart breaks at the thought of her being made to feel different. She is so bright and beautiful I don’t know what to do. If anyone has any advice on how to correct this or what it might be please get back to me.
My daughter is 3 and I can’t really say when I first noticed the hand-flapping, maybe around 1 1/2 – 2 years old. I really didn’t think much of it, I still don’t entirely as she doesn’t seem to exhibit any of the typical signs. She’s extremely intelligent, she is a wonderful conversationalist, she’s a bright and healthy toddler. I’m not worried at this point as she’s on track developmentally, I’m hoping it’s just a phase that she’ll grow out of, but it does nag me a little in the back of my mind when I see her do it. It only happens when she gets really excited about something like a tv show, finding her favorite toy, etc. I think for parents in our situation, the best thing to do is just keep a close eye on it and step in when it seems to get worse.
Thankyou for this blog and the comments from others…how reassuring. My son has been flapping since he was about 2, and he is now 71/2. I was going to get him assessed when he was in preschool, but because he was happy, functioning and cognitively so advanced, I chose not to. But, after our recent teacher interview, we are reconsidering getting him assessed for Aspergers. The teacher thought our son’s hand flapping was based on anxiety about his written work. She couldn’t be farther from the truth. Our son flaps when excited. Before entering Kindergarten, I spoke to him alot about his arms and encouraged him to try something else such as pulling on his pants, hands in his pocket…,in order to not be teased. Then I realized I was not accepting him for who he is, and I changed my tune. He told us that he couldn’t help it. One day when he was in grade one, I asked him if anyone asks him about his hands flapping, and he matter of factly said, “yup. I just told him that’s what I do”:) He has moved into more finger flicking. I see him trying to hold his hands too. It’s encouraging to us because we know he is aware of his movements. He was assessed last year by an occupational therapist. I have a hard time believing he falls under the Asperger spectrum because of his social capabilities, but I feel it’s time to get further assessments. Hope this information helps others.
My son is 14 and a freshman in highn school. He has been flapping his entire life. He is not ADD/ADHD or autistic or anything else other than a very bright typical 14 year old boy. He flaps outside at home where he thinks no one can see him now. I have never said anything to him because I thought (and continue to believe) that he does it to calm himself and that it is just a habit that he learned when he was really young that helps him cope. I have worried on and off about it – but he is so well adjusted and happy that I haven’t said or done anything about it. I loved the comment from the 20 year old girl. Sounds like he is perfectly fine – but I still wonder if there is something I should worry about. If anyone has advice, please comment!!
Rebecca’s description of her daughter sounded as if she were talking about my daughter Emma. I cannot believe the similarities! Virtually everything she mentioned applies to us (Emma LOVES Harry Potter and was Luna Lovegood for Halloween this year). Emma is 8 years old and attends a Charter School in our town.
I was working with her tonight on her reading (she has difficulty) and all of a sudden, she changed the subject and said “Mom, I don’t want to be the hand-flapping freak anymore”. I just didn’t know what to say & it took every ounce of strength in my body to not start crying after hearing these words.
She flapped as a baby and everyone thought it was the cutest thing ever. She was the most amazing baby. Never cried, went everywhere with us and never, ever misbehaved. I cannot tell you how many times we were complimented by strangers about how good she was. People just could not believe what an amazing child she was. We couldn’t believe how amazing she was! Her smile dazzled everyone & the flapping brought nothing but positive attention; that is until she was 3 and began pre-school.
My husband and I were completely caught off-guard at our very first parent-teacher conference to hear that the teacher’s recommendation was to have Emma tested for Autism. She did not exhibit any other symptoms aside from hand-flapping but we wanted to be sure so we took her in to be evaluated. Much to our relief, the neurologist we saw stated in no uncertain terms “There is nothing wrong with your child.” We reported back our happy news to her teachers only to be asked about further testing recommendations. “What about seizures, what about ADD, what about Aspergers…” After going back to our doctor several times, finally, we had enough and pulled her from the school.
When she was about 5, the hand-flapping became more pronounced and accompanied by opening her mouth very wide. She doesn’t always do both together but when she does, it really makes her stand out in a negative way. She does have difficulty staying on task in class and she is a visual learner so her teacher is using adaptive strategies to help keep her focused. We are extremely fortunate to have the support of a wonderful school staff willing to do whatever it takes to help Emma succeed despite not having an official diagnosis of any particular problem.
Emma is very social, extremely imaginative, loves her friends, plays softball, is in a Brownie Troop, loves movies, music & art, has an amazing sense of humor and loves to make people laugh. She is the kind of person that lights up a room with her smile. She is kind, generous and extremely sensitive to how others are feeling. She is also very sensitive to how others feel about her & this is the problem.
Last week she mentioned that a girl in her class called her “weird” and wouldn’t let her play with her. This week she said that a boy asked her “why do you do that?” referring to her flapping. It’s clear that we’re crossing into a situation where Emma doesn’t have thick enough skin to withstand the comments she receives when she flaps and I have to admit that I feel a bit guilty not talking to her about it or preparing her for the cruelty of kids. We always took the approach of this is Emma’s happiness expression. To her, it was a positive thing (Happy Hands Emma much like Happy Feet the Penguin). Also, it doesn’t help that she is the tallest 2nd grader at her school & gets mistaken for 10 or 12 years old all the time. She REALLY stands out!
I have many hours on many occasions trying to find some help on how to help Emma stop or more realistically, control her flapping only to feel like that would be the wrong thing to do. Now, more than ever, I feel helpless. I hate correcting her by calling her name to snap her out of the episode, but I hate even more watching people stare at her and worse, make comments to her.
Most people say “oh, she’ll grow out of it”, “don’t worry about it”, “it’s hardly noticeable”. Now I’m thinking “what if she doesn’t” “should I worry” “it is noticeable”.
Has anyone worked with a Occupational Therapist to help their child stop flapping & if so have you had good results? Are there any proven resources for positive and practical at-home techniques we should try? Any help or advice would greatly be appreciated. It is clearly affecting her in a negative way. Thanks!
I have a son who is a freshman in high school — almost 15 years old. He has hand-flapped his whole life. I never honestly knew that this was a symptom of anything until quite recently. My son has had the hand-flapping under control for quite some time, and never does it outside of our home. We have never talked to him about it, although he does seem to have a need to do it regularly, in the privacy of our home. He has no other symptoms of autism. He is extremely bright — he has always been one of the smartest boys in any of his schools. He is social and definitely makes eye-contact. I would not describe him as overly social, but nothing appears abnormal to me at all. He is an incredible person, and we receive nothing but good comments about him from teacher and parents. So, it seems that this symptom can appear without any others. I have been curious about it, but have chosen not to worry about it.
I am so relieved at reading some of the descriptions here. My 9-year-old daughter has been a hand flapper since she was a baby, and also does finger flicks and bends over forwards almost double when she does this. Sometimes she also paces up and down the room, while flapping. It happens when she is excited or anxious. She is totally aware of it and knows it is not socially acceptable, yet she says she needs to do it, so who cares? She is not teased at school, although sometimes there are comments from other kids, but she doesn’t take it to heart and is well accepted. Her verbal skills are extraordinary and she maintains very good eye contact, as well as having a great sense of humour. She has some symptoms of add and is easily distracted. The thing is, she is so “normal” in so many ways that I don’t see the need for intervention at this point, and neither does her paediatrician. She is very sensitive to other people’s feelings, is beautiful and sweet in every way and I adore her! Good luck to everybody with wonderful kids like my daughter!
I’m a ninth grader, and I’ve recently noticed I flap my hands. It hasn’t ever been a problem, at least from what I can remember, nobody has noticed (I have the worst memory). It only happens when I’m really excited or happy, and I can sort of control it when I’m around other people.
I also have some other mild autistic symptoms, but nobody has noticed, is it worth looking into?
For me it is to release ‘excess energy’ that is constantly stored up due to all that stimulation from the outside world. I usually do it in time to music so is appears more acceptable, but it is something I have to do or I will explode. Even if I dont flap hands I have to make some sort of movement, like a safety valve.
My daughter is almost five and we have always thought the flapping was very cute. Now I worry a little about it especially after reading these postings because I always assumed it would go away. She does it when she is very excited and she also kicks her feet rapidly at the same time. The feet kicking was probably the thing we paid more attention to at first something none of the other postings have mentioned. She is also very intelligent and already starting to learn to read. She knew her alphabet at 20 mths and has always been very verbal. Now I’m a little worried about it, but I really don’t think I will discourage it in anyway because from what I’ve read here, it really won’t help. My wife teaches autistic children and definitely doesn’t think there is any connection in my daughter’s case.
There are so many common stories, but no real solutions or at least suggestions to cope with our kids situations. It’s terribly frustrating isn’t it? My daughter is almost 3 and has similar flapping and mouth opening in response to things that excite her, since she was 1 and a half…
Any answers vs. questions??
I am nineteen years old, and when excited or in tense situations I have a tendency to flap my hands and have a strange habit of walking on my tip toes. However, I have learned to curb the habit by only doing this in a private area. I never was tested for Aspergers, but nobody has ever suspected it because I can control it.
I am an honors student in many AP classes, and I just wanted to reply to all concerned parents that children that have this can become successful individuals. Learning to curb hand flapping when excited is good, and if someone with this can learn to keep it private, nobody will suspect anything wrong with the person. I do not know if I have aspergers, and at this point of my life I do not want to find out. I have just learned to deal with my habits. As an engineering student, Model congress participant, and my acceptance to Ramapo college this fall shows that children with this can be great gifted individuals.
Thank you for posting. It’s refreshing to learn things from your perspective and experience. It really, really is…thank you so much.
My son just turned 8. And since he was a toddler started figitting when tense situations. Recently, he’s flapping when he’s excited. I’ve asked him what he feels when he is flapping his hands and his reply has been that he likes to.
His 2nd grade teacher has noticed his ‘anxiety’ and is recommending that he be diagnosed by his doctor.
This is my first time reading up on the ‘flapping or stim’. In fact, I didn’t know that there was a name to what my son did.
My son does have a medical condition–kidney problems. And has been taking medication for sometime. I just wonder if it has to do with that as well.
Please keep posting…and congrats on your acceptance to college.
Thank you all for sharing your stories! I check back here regularly (I posted above almost a year ago), and hearing from everyone – especially Caitlin – confirms what I feel to be true. My son can communicate abut his flapping now and expresses a need to do it.
I’m trying to help him find another way to deal with his energy as he enters kindergarten in the fall, but I am not shaming him into any suppression of his behavior.
I did see some interesting videos (youtube) on Super Brain Yoga, and we try that, but its hard to say if it helps. I’m doing it as much to help my feeble brain (ha ha) as to see if it helps my son.
If anyone has any more tips, I welcome them.
We have a 3 year old son who has been flapping his arms and kicking his legs since he was a baby. We would comment that he looked like a little ‘cricket’.
The arm flapping and now leg stomping… ( he was also a late walker… didnt walk until 2) has increased lately. As with the other blogs when he is excited ie watching a toy fall/ bark hitting a fence/or driving in the car when hes in his safety seat he will display these ‘stims’. When hes really into it, he will also sometimes open his mouth a little.
We are confused as to what the best approach is for him as we do not want to make him feel ashamed of something he seems to need to do.
IT was great to read some of these other blogs.. esp from some of you who have flapped yourselves.
We have read about a weighted belt/vest which makes sense to ‘ground/calm’ effect. Has anyone used these items and if so what effect did it have on the flapping.
We also like the idea of being able to discuss this with him when hes a bit older and agree to a more ‘socially approapriate’ strategy… would appreciate any comments.
My daughter who is 2 years 8 months old has been doing hand flapping with mouth open since she was one. I went & saw a neurologist couple of months ago. He said she just has the “Sterotypic movements” & will outgrow these. My daughter is otherwise very intelligent, knows her numbers till 100 & alphabets & even spellings of 3 to 5 letter words. My daughter only speaks words & no sentences. Though sometimes she tries to sing her nursery rhymes. As my native language is different from english she is trying to learn 2 languages at same time. We think probably thats causing the delay in speaking. Once I read all these stories I realise the seriousness of this. I feel bad for my daughter because she may have to live with it for the rest of her life. I even put her into a play school from last week hoping that will help her. She makes eye contact but doesnt like to play with other kids. If anyone has any suggestions on what else I could try to help her come out of this then pls share your opinion.
Navi-
Your daughter sounds exactly like my son when he was her age. He is now 4.5 yrs old. When he was just short of 3 we took him to a private very well respected Neurological peditrician (we didn’t want to wait the 18 months). He was diagnosed with ‘mild autism/ppd-nos. The Dr. said with the right intervention he will be like a typical boy with maybe a small quirk (he flaps occasionallly). He was dead on – our son has changed so much- his language is now at a level beyond his age,he now plays with kids, very social, eye contact is so much better- so many things…the key is to get your daughter evaluated (by a well respected Neurological Ped) asap-if there is a diagnosis you’ll qualify for services…….early intervention is critical. Nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I mean a “Neurodevelopmental pediatrician” (not Neurological….)
Sue,
We had our son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician (also did the private pay to get in sooner) and he suggested three things: OT therapy for sensory issues – we did this for several months but unfortunately found no real help. Our son in doing so well socially and academically (he is five) our only concern is the handflapping (and opening of the mouth). His other suggestions were aquatic therapy or equine therapy. Both services will be out of pocket as well as an hour away. Therefore we are trying to decide which he could benefit from most. Was wondering what your experiences with therapy were.
Thank you.
Jennifer J.-
Not sure if you’ll get this reply-didn’t know how to do it through here, but if you do get it shoot me an e-mail at: susancapizzi@comcast.net & I’ll talk to you via e-mail. Will be easier.
Sue
Hi. My son is 8. His teacher has noticed bouts of hand flapping. She has noticed when this happens is during ‘transitions’ and has suggested that he be diagnosed to determine the reason behind what she referrs to as his ‘anxiety.’
From an early age, my son would hold his little hands together and figit. He ONLY did this when he was ‘caught’ being naughty and was getting a talking to. I have taken him to a couple of ‘specialized’ doctors (alternative) and two doctors have said that my son, at the age of 2.5, had somthing really bad happen to him–like a trauma of sorts?
I recall two situations when my son was about 2ish where my son was terrorized… The 1st is when he turned on a vacum cleaner and the noise TOTALLY scared him horribly and the 2nd time was during meal time.
He has been flapping his hands for several months now. We notice he does this when he’s in situations that are really fun and new–when he’s excited. I’ve also noticed that he hums when he does this as well. He sometimes does it at home, but not too often, when he’s at home he’s calm and mellow.
My son has a medical condition (kidney/immune) that it currently being controlled with Prograf. He has also had problems with anemia.
I don’t really know where to go from here… I would be interested to learn if the medical conditions/medication have resulted in my son’s current hand flapping.
If it’s a deficiency in vitamins/minerals.
If it’s genetic.
Any help, please let me know.
Dear Parents
My 3 year old has the same hang flopping problem. Does anybody know the reasons why kids do this. Is this a neurological problem. Is this a genetic problem. Do we need to see a doctor for this.
Could be a sign of something…..need more info – if concerned about other things that your child is doing that is not ‘typical’- or not reaching certain milestones I would have him evaluated.
I have a 12 month old daughter who has been flapping her hands since she was about 6 months old. Now she seems to flap them more and kicks her legs as well and sometimes bounces. I have noticed that she is doing it when she is excited, anxious and tired. She is developing well with her crawling and now starting to walk, but she isn’t waving or pointing. She isn’t saying any words as yet, but she is babbling alittle. I have recently discovered that she has never wanted me or anyone to cuddle her, she has always resisted it. She is a very happy baby with the most gorgeous smiles and giggles. I also think she likes to play on her own because when anyone attempts to play with her, she seems to always go off on her own. She likes people giving her attention, so I think she is quiet socialable. She doesn’t seem to hold close eye contact for long.
I am having her evaluated by a ped doc to see if there is anything wrong with her dvelopement. My GP has advised me of possible Autism and he has advised not to do her 12 month triple vac.
If anyone has any advise, thoughts or feedback, please let me know. I am extremely worried and distressed for my daughter. I love her with every piece of me and I would do anything to keep her happy and nurtured.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I read your post, and are very proud that you are so sensitive to your daughter’s needs. Does she turn her head to look when you call her name? It has been my findings that you should follow your motherly intuition. I suspected that my son had a problem when he was two weeks old (before any physician), followed up on my hunch, and it turned out that my son had to undergo a liver transplant when he was 5 months old. When my son was two, I asked his pediatrician why my son wasn’t talking as well as his peers. He assured my that so long as what my son was saying was appropriate for the situation, not to worry. I took his advise, and my son was diagnosed at 3year 8months as having autism. Look at all of the wasted time MY SON COULD HAVE BEEN IN INTENSIVE THERAPY. My point is that you know your child better than anyone, and if you think that there is a problem, don’t wait. These developmental years pass by too quickly, you do not want that window of developmental opportunity to close. Best Wishes for a positive outcome.
Pam
Hi. What do you mean by developmental opportunity?
I forgot to say too that her hands are so sensitive, she pulls her hands away when anyone touches them. She seems very anxious and uneasy when anyone touches or play’s with her hands.
again thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Julina
It’s really comforting to read all this. I’m 23, and all my life I’ve been doing this finger-twisting motion that’s similar to flapping. I only get the urge to do it when I’m excited or stressed, and I only do it in private. When I was 9, my mom took me aside and told me to try to do the finger-twisting thing under the table or in my pockets. Gradually, I was able to get it under control, until I stopped doing it in public altogether.
I’m from a small town, so I was kind of stigmatized. I’d recommend that any parents do what my mom did: try to be understanding and give the kids an outlet for this behavior when they’re in public. The earlier the better, too, ’cause it sucks going through elementary school with no friends because you’re the weird girl.
I used to have a lot of shame about this, and refused to talk about it with anyone, even my sister. But gradually, I’ve been able to kind of distance myself from the guilt. Part of it was getting the hell out of that town — I went to a top-20 college and now live in Atlanta — and part of it was opening up to my boyfriend about it, this huge secret I’d been keeping since I went to college. His reaction was awesome: “That’s your big secret? That actually sounds kind of adorable.”
Hello,
I am interested in this thread as I belong to a family of flappers. My great grandmother flapped, my father flaps and my brother flaps. All of my family are highly intelligent, very loving, even successful people. However, I am concerned about the flapping.
I am a 32 year old woman and I am currently considering pregnancy. I was also diagnosed with a seizure disorder last year. I am personally concerned about where this is going genetically, especially if it is fragile x.
No one in my family has ever been seen by a Dr. for flapping. It is a very private affair and those effected are very protective of their “creative gift.” My father and brother have had to find ways to privatize their flapping so much so that the rest of us find it very uncomfortable to talk about it with them. They get somewhat defensive. I bet you can imagine how dififcult it is to discuss such a intimate/hard to understand thing with headstrong, successful, independent men can be.
My father, an accomplished engineer, flaps several times a day (in his own subdued way) especially over sports and news but almost over any exciting point in a conversation. When alone, he all out flaps, hops and dances, especially in front of the TV. He is over sixty years old.
My brother, who is in his late twenties and is an accomplished artist, also has a subdued flap. He flaps frequently, about every half hour or so. His hands ball and his whole face changes for a few moments. Most people wouldn’t be bothered as it is so much a part of who he is. When he was a child, his hands flapped up and down at the wrist – like bee wings. Photos of him at his birthdays as a boy show soft blurs around his hands. His Judo teacher nicknamed him “Tornado.”
They both say that this is a special gift, an amazing world they can fall into, a land of magical splendor. They feel bad for the rest of us who can’t “go there.” At this point I like to remind them that they are also OCD, and I don’t need to “go there” with them (although I also possess some of these same obsessive characteristics). If you can’t tell already, I love both of them like mad.
Now here I am. I carry this gene. I know it isn’t the end of the world to spread it again, but I REALLY want to know more about this.
When my mother married my father she didn’t know about this “gift.” The first time she saw him “flap” and dance around, she hid under the table. Now they’ve been married over 38 years. I want to be married for 38 years. I want my children to be healthy. What should I do?
What should you do, or could do? Nothing!
Why worry about something you cannot control
My son is 24 and has hand flapped his whole life. I never though anything of it . we just had a discussion where he said he still does it when he gets excited. Is he normal? Yes, of course. He just finished his degree in Philosophy, he is intelligent, smart, beautiful, creative , witty and did I say Handsome. What is there to worry about? Nothing.
There could be worse things in the world you know.
My 5 year old son has been flapping his hands since he has been 2. He only does this when he is excited about something. When he plays when his toys her will start flapping as the cars or trains move on their own, or when he sees a friend riding a bike past him.
He has no other signs of anything, he is the most sweetest and loving child I have ever seen.
I bothers me to see him flap his hands only because I am afraid that if he does this in school, he will get labeled as something that he’s not. His Dr. said there is nothing wrong with him.
Not sure how I should handle this.
my 27 month old son is a sweet, loving, intelligent little boy. he interacts well with other children and shows great imagination in play! he speaks very well (although rather a lot!!) and can already count to 30, recognize all his numbers out of sequence and even do some basic maths. i have been concerned about his hand flapping for nearly a year but he is so normal in every other way i didnt worry. now his day nursery has told me they are concerned about his behaviour and think i should have him evaluated. im worried sick!! what could it be? they say they are concerned about the hand flapping, (which he only does when hes excited) his ability with numbers and words and they have also said he runs on his toes and is very clumsy! they did say its probably nothing to worry about and that hes delightful at nursery but as his mum, i cant stop panicking. does hand flapping have to mean autism?? please help!!
You should have him evaluated ASAP by a well respected Neurodevelopmental pediatrician. Look up the term “Asperger syndrome”. Hand flapping in & of itself doesn’t mean he has autism. Stay strong, be positive & be his advocate- get him evaluated.
Hi,
I have a 23 month old son that’s very sweet & loves attention! Although I’m extremely concerned about his abilities & behavior. He doesn’t talk ANY, not even 1 word. He doesn’t even babble. He doesn’t always respond to his name (I don’t think he really knows it because ever since he was born we’ve been calling him by different things like terms of dearment words such as “baby” or “sweetie”)…so that might not be his fault. Though we have been calling him by his actual name for months now & no luck. He hand flaps CONSTANTLY all day every day. He jumps and bounces as if he were Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. He doesn’t respond well to directions like “Put that down”, “Come sit with me”, or “Stop turning the TV off”.
The positive things he does are:
When he wants to go outside, he will bring me his shoes, sit in my lap, stick out each foot for me to put them on and lead me to the door.
When he wants food or a snack, he will grab the crackers (or whatever else he wants at the time) and bring them to me for me to give him one.
When he wants me to read him his favorite book, he will go get the book, sit beside me and open the book up and actual LISTEN to what I’m saying…he’ll look up at me and pay attention.
He loves playing hide and seek with me. He’ll run and hide behind the chair and laugh and giggle.
When he wants me to pick him up, he will grab my hands and try to pull me up and then when I stand up, he will put his arms in the air.
He actually knows what he wants and doesn’t want. I use the “Pick & Choose” method. Like, “Do you want your ball or do you want your truck?”
I’m just concerned because he has a speech therapist & an occupational therapist and the OT said she thought he was autistic. Is anyone going through the EXACT situation I am as for as not talking at all and things like that?
Thanks!
Hi leslie-
My sons wasn’t exactly like yours, he was babbling & reached all his milestones up to about 18 months. But I know other boys who sound just like your son. We had our son evaluated by a well respected neurodevelopmental ped when he was 32 months-he was diagnosed with mild autism/PPD-NOS. He qualified for more services (was getting speech & OT) & is now an amazing 4.5 yr old because of the intervention.
(Leslie)
I would like to comment on your personal situation that you posted. My son is now 5 years old and boy does our situation sound very familiar. My son has been diagnosed with Autism, since age of 2. He does flap his hands, and has very limited speech. He does as your son and brings me things that he wants, and for the most part is very independent.
Warning: Doctors may not see anything wrong, they may send you home empty handed, but do your research, get second opinions and never settle for less. Remember you are your childs mother and you know him best, and I know from personal experience, each day you will learn something new about him to help him learn and grow better than doctors if you look and pay very close attention as to what motivates him. For instance, my son loves to flap his hands any chance that he can get! but what triggers it is spinning toys, music and lights. So to encourage him to speak or atleast try, I motivate him by giving him a words to mimic and encourage him to give it a good try. When he does a ‘norm’ situation would be a pop sickle but his is a spinning toy with a lot of lights. His special toy, that he only gets to play with when we are learning.
Something to look into : It has now been determined that what COULD cause my sons hand flapping is florescent lighting. Some can see rays of light bouncing(reflecting) off of objects causing the hands to be motion of excitement and a period of trance.
In closing I thank Aspiring Dad for allowing people with one thing in common to come together and learn.
Hello!
After reading many of the posts, it is comforting to know I am not alone in my concerns about hand flapping. My son is almost seven and has been flapping his hands probably since he was two. He does it when he is observing something that excites him, like a completed task, toys arranged, something in motion. He often opens his mouth while flapping his hands.
MANY times I have asked the pediatrician if we should be concerned. He finally gave us a referral to a neurologist who said he saw no other problematic signs, like Autism, and told us he would “grow out of it.” That was several years ago.
As he is about to enter first grade, I am worried about other kids teasing him and ostracizing him. I think it will damage his ego and change him socially. He already says he doesn’t like school and doesn’t want to go, although he won’t tell me any specific reasons for feeling that way.
At this point, I am considering video taping him while he is in these trances and taking it to the pediatrician for an explanation as to why I should just let this go. Any thoughts?
I’m a 24-year-old guy with a life-long history of hand flapping. Well, I started out by interlocking my fingers together very tightly (sometimes gripping an object such as pencil) and “shaking” them. This has gradually evolved into full-blown hand flapping to the point where my wrists may be at risk from developing repetetive strain injury! I now also hold my breath and even hyperventilate when doing so. I do this when I am excited, not when anxious. Sometimes the feeling is just euphoric..
Like some of the above posters, I never fulfilled many other autistic spectrum disorder criteria. In fact, I was regarded as a highly precocious child and was referred to one of the countries top speech therapists who was apparently astounded at the rate I was reaching linguistic developmental milestones.
I also have an outrageously vivid imagination that has thankfully never left me. I have a ‘diagnosis’ of ADD as well as giftedness (the 2 are often co-morbid or misdiagnosed as each other). My giftedness predominantly manifests in music and language. I am also highly emotional, but have been accused of lacking empathy.
I also have a fascination with my reflection and am prone to prolonged episodes of mirror gazing. I always assumed this was pure vanity, but I have been advised of the ‘bizarre’ nature of the expressions I apparently pull when doing so. Reading some of the above posts, I am really intruiged as to how this resonates with your experiences.
Anyway, at 14 I was expelled from school after 10 years of absolute hell. Despite my intellectual precocity, I spent the vast majority of my school life in detention, isolation etc. I was the archetypal class clown, bully and bad boy. When I was expelled I was evulated for autism, but the expert rejected the possibility.
So now I’m wondering what exactly I ‘have’? I’ve heard that hand flapping when excited can be an indicator of giftedness – some kind of release for excess energy within the nervous system, or something like that.
However, it may be that I have Aspergers, I can’t be sure. I would love to hear more from all of you!
Adam- you should read the book “Look me in the eye” by John Elder Robison – its non-fiction, very interesting & you may see some parallels to your life. Let me know what you think after you read it.
Adam, I’ve real ALOT about hand flapping, but your post has particularly caught my attention with the phrase “developing repetitive strain injury”. I have a ten year old son who has been hand flapping along with “running in place”. He flaps so hard that I’m afraid he will injure his wrist and ankles. No one (to my knowledge), has ever had a conversation with him about the reasoning behind this peculiar behavior. (Oh he also intrigued with spinning wheels) Ok…so anyway.
Yesterday I decided to take Mackenzie (Mack) for a walk. People are beginning to wonder, ask, and comment about his behavior. Mack and I went for a walk, and I decided to ask him why. Why he hopped and flapped the way he did. His response blew me away. He said, “Well mom, I have to clear my memory… you see I have a large memory and I have to clear it back to zero. The process is repeated over and over to make room for new information”. What the heck??? LOL I suggested he “clear his memory”, by doing something a little less noticeable, but he insisted this was the only way. I just don’t want him to injure his wrist or ankles, and don’t like the comments people are making about him. I’m so lost. Thanks for listening.
Quick question for everyone on this thread – has anyone played with diet and noticed any differences?
I sometimes get the feeling that dairy products make my son flap more. Whenever we are on vacation & change our typical diet, I notice that my son does more hand flapping. It could also be the stress/excitement of travel, but I have tried to pay more attention to his diet and it seems to have an effect.
BTW, we were at a fountain and there was a boy hand-flapping right next to my son (who was doing the same). I spoke to the dad, and they were from Germany. His pediatrician said that the boy would probably grow out of it – same answer that we seem to be getting in the US.
I recently went on a dairy free diet for just over a week and noticed no change whatsoever..
My grandson is 4 and half and has been flapping his hands since he was about 8 months. He does it when he is excited (mostly playing with his toys and singing) and I can tell he does it more when tired. The doctor has told my daughter that he will probably out grow it, but from what I’m reading, I can see that’s what many doctors are telling parents Has anyone known of a case where a child has outgrown flapping? He is a very loving and bright child in every other way. It breaks my heart that there isn’t something that can be done, before he starts school.
Is there anything that anyone has found to help the problem after seeing a Neurodevelopmental pediatrician? I’m just looking for any answers, as I’m sure the rest of you are.
My daughter doesn’t like to discuss his flapping and I don’t know how to ask about it without upsetting her. Any suggestions?
I don’t have any real answers as I’m still seeking myself.. but I did receive some solace in being diagnosed with ‘giftedness’. Upon diagnosing me the specialist said “And I bet you flap your hands a lot too!”. Apparently its down to increased psychomotor activity in the brain or something. But of course it can be indicative of autistic spectrum disorders and a myriad of other neurological impairments.
Good Evening!!!
My daughter is 5 and has been flapping her hands since about 2 yrs old. My family and I never really put any thought into her flapping because we knew she was just excited or happy! She also will sometimes open her mouth really wide, but not often. She started Kindergarten this past week and already the teacher pulled me aside and told me that she was concerned about it and that my daughter did not want to participate in any activities or make any friends or she didnt listen to her(the teacher). I did decide to go and watch her one afternoon as she was outside for recess and noticed that within a 30 min span she flapped 22 times and was just pacing back and forth in the playground and did not speak to anyone. Usually if she is farmiliar with the person she will laugh with them, speak with them and play, but for whatever reason she is having problems making friends at school. As a mother I thought about it being Autism and actually researched the topic and noticed that she didnt really fit 100% of what they were describing. Does anyone have any tips that I can use to help her break out of her shell? She does have high self esteem and is a very smart child, but she is having problems socially. I want her to be academically succesful as well as socially. I just dont want to see her getting older and suffer academically and socially from her hand flapping and inability of talking to other kids….I must say that it is comforting to know that my little girl is not alone in the world that does this. For those that flap and can somewhat control it, what tricks do you use? I dont want to keep telling her not to do it, because it seems not to really work…she will still do it a few mins later after telling her to stop. Any help is greatly appreciated!!
Wow, I just want to thank all of you who have responded to this thread. It has been so comforting to read about other children like my son.
He is 2.7 and has been flapping his hands since he was about 21 months. He is a very verbal, social and loving child with an incredible imagination. He already has an imaginary friend, and he creates and says the most amazing things. We’ve also been to specialists who say he is not on the spectrum, as he doesn’t have any other symptoms or delays.
He flaps when he’s excited, when he’s imagining, observing, or after he’s accomplished something. He flaps from the elbow, but sometimes does stuff with his fingers.
As for diet, we have found dairy directly impacts his flapping, although it doesn’t stop it completely. I’m convinced there is something else in his diet that makes some days worse than others. I’ve just begun a food diary to try and figure it out. So far we’re beginning to suspect soy and strawberries.
He’s beginning preschool next week and I’m also worried about him getting teased. I’m a sp. ed. teacher and I know the behavior is going to raise red flags and that makes me sad.
It is frustrating that we’ve all found each other, but don’t have answers. Maybe we should start a message board or group to discuss further??? I’m very interested in talking more with those of you who exhibit these sumptoms with no underlying condition, or talking with those who have children like mine.
My son has been flapping since he was a baby, and is now in first grade. He was never teased in preschool by classmates and even now in first grade he says that no one mentions it to him. In K his teacher was concerned about the behavior, but he functions normally for the most part. It is painful when grown ups think he’s different, but I think other kids are more accepting than we give them credit for (although sometimes they’re not). Try not to worry too much. My disdain for my son’s flapping seemed to strain our relationship, so in recent months I have come to the conclusion that it is more painful for a child to hear “don’t flap” from a parent, than to be teased by others.
Thanks Linda, that was a very grounding post for me.
Shauna
Oh I meant to also say, like a previous poster, my son’s flapping gets markedly worse when he’s fighting a cold, even a minor one. He’s only had 2 minor colds since the flapping started- I’m scared about what might happen if he really gets sick.
Im 16 years old and have always flapped. I don’t have any form of autism. I don’t think you you should worry very much about the flapping, and you certainly try to set specific times when she can or can’t do it. The only time I flap is when I’m alone, and when I’m in public even if I feel the urge to, it’s easy to hold it back. As she gets older and becomes more aware of the kind of behaviors that are acceptable in public, I think she’ll do the same
Patrick–thank you so much for posting. I appreciate soo much hearing this from an individual your age. My son is 8 and I am concerned for him and his future. I have a lot to learn about what he is going through and where to turn to for answers Hearing from real people like yourself helps tremendously… thank you.
Patrick – Thank you so much for posting this…I think I just took a much needed deep breath. I am hoping that my 4 year old grandson will be able to control his flapping. He has no other symptoms of autism and the doctors keep saying he will probably outgrow it. I’m sure many will be encouraged to hear someone your age talk about how you have been able to manage your flapping.
May I ask when your parents talked to you (age) about times when you could or could not do it, and do you think that helped? I would love to hear anything else you feel might bring some insight to flapping.
Just wanted to let you all know my son was just diagnosed with Stereotypic Movement Disorder. He doesn’t have any delays, but does flap a LOT!! The neurodevelopment doctor we saw said it hasn’t really been studied much so they don’t know a lot about it, but that children tend to outgrow it, or they get better at hiding it (like Patrick said). He said it’s important we do NOT draw attention to it, or to try and stop him from doing, and to just let him be.
Dr. Roger Freeman has been working with/studying the disorder for most of his career (is in Vancouver BC) and the doctor we saw today is forwarding on my son’s info, and videos. I think we may end up going to see him.
My son’s 8 and is flapping. Can you please post more of your experience and diagnosis. Thanks.
Wow, I am a special educator who works with young adults with disabilities, and I have to say that I am suprised and somewhat disheartened to read all these responses to hand-flapping. It seems that many of you are afraid of it and what other people might think of it.. In working with so many wonderful children and adolecents who are “on the spectrum,” I have become so used to hand-flapping, and could say that I have come to respect it as sort of a harmless and mysterious coping mechanism. I work in one of the most advanced states in the country for special education (people move here from all over the country for their children’s sake), and I do not believe that not one special ed. classroom in our state would ever teach a child with autism, etc, NOT to hand-flap. We have much more important things to teach these special individuals. That being said, I have noticed that my students use hand-flapping for various reasons, stress, excitement, etc. And that no two hand-flappers flap alike. If people think it is weird or crazy… well, they better get used to it. And so I do whole-heartedly exclaim, “Flap On!!!”
Hi, I must say I am always so happy to see new comments on my e-mail from this site you guys!!
I speak on behalf of everyone when I say HEY YOU SPECIAL-ED TEACHER…PLEASE TELL US MORE!!!!
My son’s first grade teacher just brought up her concern about my sons flapping. She wants to meet with me. We’ve been through this every year since prescool.
I know it’s distracting, but my son says kids never say anything to him about it, but it does seem to bother the teachers. I have had teachers count how many times a day he flaps and keep track of it. Why?
He does okay in school, he could probably do better but right now he just doesn’t seem that into it. He does get by with checks and plusses and the occassional x (A,B,andC’s).
Problem is he wants to follow his own agenda and hates being told a specific way to arrive at a goal when he knows his “different” way will arrive at the same result. I try to explain to him that that’s life. He uses flapping as a way of coping, he says he, “flaps out the craziness.” I used to try to convince him to control it, but I can’t do that anymore, he needs to do it.
Does anybody out there know how to deal with teachers on this matter? This is such a mysterious subject, and I am convinced that our flappers have found a way to deal with emotions that we wish we had. I sure wish I could go into another world like he does. But I understand that teachers want them present in the classroom, any suggestions out there?
thank you for putting this into perspective. My grandson of 5 has involuntary movements, flaps and shouts and was disagnosed as global developmental delay and hypotonia. He gets distressed if interrupted or disturbed in his routine of diffusing himself., My concern is for when he gets older and starts to notice the comments and stares from his peers and adults, He has just started school and the flapping has become much more violent and vocal. He has a sensory diet and squeezing and pressure help him relax. It is a huge worry for his longterm welfare, but he is a joy to have around. We have very little support, the medics discharged him and offered no further suggestions. .
Like your ending…”Flap ON!”. I’m a mother of a 2 year old child (born premature) who has multiple disabilities and it’s perplexing! The fact that I studied special education and received my Masters in it(before she was born).. I”m glad to be exposed (surface and not specifically) to what is out there to help with certain types of disabilities). Thought to explain about my daughter to get another opinion/suggestion if you don’t mind?. My daughter was diagnosed with Cortical Vision Impairment, she has low muscle tones; some developmental delays and she can open her jaws 100% on her own sometimes but can’t on command which is entirely different thing to figure out. She can sit up crawl, walk with assistance; make vocal sounds but no words yet. I notice she flaps from time to time and I’m guessing there is too much stimuli perhaps? She will flap and at the same time tense up her legs like in reclining chair and toes look like hammer toe form… like her legs and toes are going through a cramp or something. She is our miracle/mystery baby. I’m still trying to find out what her situation is as to help her and I don’t expect to cure her but find ways to help her situation. From reading all the post earlier.. I’m realizing to allow our daughter to flap and not suppress her flapping/ redirect her attention to something else. Any thoughts towards this from your experiences? She has OT, PT, feeding/speech therapist, and vision therapist once a week as of now. I’m glad we got the early intervention services as it’s help a great deal!… however… some of her play skills seems to be regressing a bit. She does make other small/slow progressive changes. Would like your feedback if possible. Not sure if I’ll have a chance to check this blog again, but could you email me at wmteach2@yahoo.com?
Wow! Am i glad i found this…My 11 year old son has been flapping since he was about 2….he seems to do it when he gets excited…when he gets real excited, he also jumps and opens his mouth real wide and twists is tounge around….Ive tried to get him to stop many times in the past and told him kids would make fun of him if he didnt stop…he now has started middle school and ive been really worried because my son is extremely sensitive and im afraid of how it will go for him….i was honestly thinking my son was alone with this…i have thought in the past about searching the web but didnt until this past sunday..now im dissappointed i didnt check sooner…i googled flapping hands and by the time i got to ha in hands it was already suggested…i was shocked….i clicked this blog,then i started reading and i must say i was almost in tears…some of these stories are my son exactly……im glad to see there are other parents going through this, and even more glad to here from adults that have this…..since finding this and reading everyones responses, i appreciate who my son is and who he will become more than ever… i have told him i will no longer ask him to relax when he starts his flapping,and he can flap whenever he feels the need to…i will never ask him to stop again…we discussed his needing to control it better when he is not at home and it is something he will work on…i also think it would be great if some how we all could get together…it would be great for the kids and parents to see we are not alone…….i look foward to checking up on future posts in here….it is now in my favorite list……to the parents of and the flappers ho have posted here….thank you,thank you, thank you
I just received 3 studies done on stereotypic movements in non-autstic children from my son’s doctor. One of which is on how to treat hand flapping in non-autistic children. I would be happy to forward on to anybody who is interested. Please email me @ shaunajdiller@yahoo.com
I’m thinking I’m going to start a yahoo group for us, so we can stop hijacking Aspiring Dad’s blog. More later.
Okay done.
Looking forward to chatting with you all here. I have uploaded all three studies onto this site. You need to create a yahoo account to join.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/stereotypicmovements
Darcrista,
Hand flapping in special needs children is looked upon very differently than it is in the normal child. Most of the parents who have responded to this blog (with fear in their hearts) are doing so because they are trying to search for answers and trying to help). Their children are not autistic, they’re not in special education classrooms, they have no delays and exhibit this odd behavior that others question, and they have no answer for. As a teacher myself, I knew my son’s preschool teacher would be calling shortly after school started (it took her less than a week). I feel blessed to have finally found one. I thank Aspiring Dad for allowing us to have this discussion here.
I would encourage all of you to read the studies that Shauna posted.
I had a correspondence with Dr. Singer, who said:
“We have recently started a variety of studies in affected children that are designed to better understand the underlying mechanism – include neuroimaging, electrophysiology, kinematic, genetic, and the use of animal models. Therapeutic trials are on the drawing board. To answer your question; to date, we have no evidence that diet has a significant role, but no one has carefully investigated.
I hope that your “not-so-small group” would be willing to participate in our research efforts.”
I never would have found the term “nonautistic motor stereotypy” with a web search, but apparently, that is the clinical term used.
My son and I now openly talk about his flapping in a nonjudgemental way. I know he is not embarrassed or anxious when we talk because he jokes openly as we discuss it. And he has told me that he would prefer not to do it – even at home in private – and has asked me to help him stop. What I usually do is engage him conversationally and give him a hug, or we tickle or wrestle. Then we do something together. According to his teachers, he hasn’t flapped at school.
I babbled on about my experiences with my son on Shauna’s website – I encourage you all to join. We can speak more directly in that forum (email each other personally).
I thought I’d just add in my little story – I stumbled upon your website and this struck quite a chord with me.
As far as I’m aware I’m don’t have Aspergers nor any variant A.S.D. As a small child I was often found concentrating on something (an image, a tree, whatever) and either flapping my hands or flexing my fingers repeatedly with my arms straight down at my sides. A couple of female relatives have been “caught” doing the same thing despite being decades different in age and having never met me. My family is now assuming it’s genetically connected.
I realized my parents could see me doing my repetitive moments when I was about 3 or 4. I panicked, became quite frightened that they would find it odd, and quickly altered my actions myself to something less noticeable. I started hand-rubbing. Even to this day I catch myself rubbing my hands together when concentrating on something, sometimes even in front of work colleagues (I’m 37). Hand rubbing seems to be taken as fairly “normal” by most people. How fortunate I was to stumble upon that option as a small child!
I encourage you to show yourself doing this to your daughter. She may choose to adopt it herself.
Thank you for sharing your world with us all. x
As in many of the previous accounts, my 4 year old son is extremely bright, ahead in all of his developmental milestones, is social, happy, loving etc.
He has been flapping, as one parent said above “since he discovered he had arms”. He only flaps when really excited, but hums and rubs his legs as part of his little “routine.”
Our pediatrician says he has no disorders – and said we should wait until the age of 4 before we do anything about it. He’ll be 4 in two weeks.
My husband tries hard to curb his flapping, by offering him alternate gestures, but I’m worried all this “correcting’ will affect his self-esteem. On the other hand, I too am truly desperate to help him before he hits school and is teased.
Has anyone else had a child that’s “grown out of it” (we’ve also been told this a lot – but I don’t believe it will happen).
I am struggling with how I should proceed…
Stephaine – I know how upsetting it can be to watch and wonder what is going to happen as your child gets older. My grandson has been flapping since he was about 8 months old. He is now turning 5 in March and still flaps when he plays. His little brother, who is 12 months is mimicking him (I think). At first, I was devasted and started researching everywhere for information. I made my daughter talk to the doctor who did not seem to share my feelings. I said something to my grandson one day about other ways to curb his flapping. He told me he was just happy and excited and couldn’t help it. I could see my talking about it made him anxious and sad. I swore from that day on I would never say another word to him about flapping.
He is very bright and loving. My daughter has learned to smile and and relax. He knows she knows that he is doing it and if he wants to talk about it he can, and that has helped him to relax. I’m sure as he gets older he will talk more about it but right now it doesn’t seem to matter. She doesn’t focus on it any longer and realizes what will be will be. I do feel as they get older they will find other ways of stimming that will be more socially accepted. I would not say anything to your son, I’m sure he realizes what he’s doing but can’t stop. You will know when and what’s the best way to approach the subject as he gets older. This may not be what some people would recommend but I feel if this is the worst thing that could happen to them, it’s really not that bad.
I don’t think doctors know how to treat this and if they did, it would be to drug them someway. I’ve talked to older children with this syndrome and they seem to be doing fine. Hang in there and let them flap.
Debbie,
I wanted to thank you so much for your response. I’ve read it many times since. One evening not too long after you posted, I was in the kitchen with my son and in a goofy moment I was listing all the things I loved about him and your post flashed through my mind. I casually slipped his flapping into the list. I wish you could have seen his face. He said, “you do?” and I replied that I loved everything that made him who he is and if flapping was part of who he is then I loved that too. I don’t know if there’s a connection, but since that day we’ve noticed he’s been flapping significantly less. Maybe our attempts at correcting were only making it worse? Obviously, it still worries me, and I’ll do everything I can to help him, but I’ve been able to let go of the panic I felt that his life would be hard, that he’d be teased– and be miserable. He’s such an amazingly bright, happy, funny and empathetic boy. I realized that day that life could have handed us far worse. If he faces teasing in the future then we’ll deal with it, but for now I just want him to enjoy being little – and free from the adult pressures of “being normal” that we often saddle our children with.
My daughter, who is now almost 6 has been handflapping since she was 10 months old. I’ve had her assessed three times and have gotten no support for any professionals. What I basically needed was some kind of support and ideas to help both of us deal with it in the correct way. When she flaps, it’s like she leaves her own body, her eyes dialate very large and she’s in a completely different zone. If you were to wave your hands in front of her eyes, she wouldn’t even notice. I often feel like it is digestive issue. Often when starts to flab, she’ll stop after burping loudly, or before she goes to the restroom.
She scored unbelievably well on an IQ test and is considered Gifted and Talented. She is in a Kindergarten class for “Gifted and Talented” children. I still have concerns though about her in social settings as she gets older. Her teacher has listened to my concerns and doing things inclass to help her focus. He has been of tremendous support and siad he would notify me if he feels the hand flapping is distracting her from learning. As her mother I can already that some areas will be harde for her to fcus on than others.
I am so glad that this website is available. It helps to connect and relate with other parents with similar concerns and reminds me that I am not crazy…that worrying about our children is normal…that we’re trying to address certain concerns now so that they won’t have to when they are older.
Her younger sister exhibits similar movements, except usually only when she is very excited or tired.
Hello everyone. I wrote this article 2 years ago and I’m glad that it has become a place where people can go to ask questions and share thoughts with others who are faced with the same situation.
Here is an update on my situation…
Our daughter has flapped since she was less than a year old and continues to do so at age 7. I am convinced that she needs to do it. This isn’t a simple undesirable behavior like nose picking or ineffective bum wiping, but rather necessary self-regulation. I don’t know why she does it but that’s just how it is. Stopping her from doing it did not seem like the right thing for us to do.
Every child is different and this may not be appropriate for your child and you are of course free to disagree with anything I say or do but we found ourselves taking the option of not doing anything about it. I am sure other people – probably at school – have commented on or questioned her about her flapping and not surprising, she has become a little self conscience about it. As a result, she has modified her own behavior to be more discrete about it. Instead of looking like she is about to take flight, she now flicks her hands under the table or desk out of sight. She doesn’t hum as loud when she does it or even at all when others are around. And because we never interfered or gave her any trouble about it, she feels completely free to flap all out at home and I’m happy that she can self-regulate in front of us without being ashamed or embarrassed.
It’s amazing how far she has come. I remember how she used to seem deaf and how it was impossible to keep her on topic and how she would walk on her tip toes. All of that is gone now. I am not advising anyone to take the hands off approach but it may help to remind yourself that children grow and develop and discover ways to cope and adjust on their own also. Of course it would be so much easier socially if we can get her “to appear more normal” but that may only make us feel better.
Hello,
I have a 3yr 7 month son diagnosed with severe autism, yet he has good eye contact, socialises with guests. He cannot speak our language (only makes sounds and rarely says ma ma , pa pa). He can make himself understood by non verbal communication. He doesn’t flap his arms but folds them and raises them many times a day. Is this hand flapping? It is encouraging to read about the experiences of people with these symptoms in this site. Thanks
Hello,
My son is 5 years old…he started the hand, arm, finger twirling movements when he was about 2 years old. He is bright/advanced, social, good eye contact and looks normal. Besides the movements, he displays anxiety and fear of loud noises and doesn’t like to enter theaters, flushing toilets, etc. We brought this up to a couple of pediatricians and they both dismissed it as something he’d grow out of, therefore he was never further examined.
Recently we noticed an increase in the movements and he started running and pacing as well. He is also having difficulties sitting and listening to stories during circle time and taking naps at school. The teacher says that he silly and appears a bit socially immature. We recorded him and took him to the pediatrician, this time he referred us to a Neurodevelopmental Pediatrician. He was diagnosed with Complex Stereotypies, Self Regulation, Auditory Sensory Integration and Central Nervous System Disorder, which I believe is all related to the Sensory Integration issue. We have been referred to an Occupational Therapist. At least our worries of Autism or ADHD were relieved.
I would like to know if these therapies are proven effective and whether or not they have worked or simply improved the stereotypies/hand flapping on anyone here.
Thanks!!!
I posted earlier about my 3 year old daughter. My daughter is 3 years 5 months old now. I have noticed her hand glapping has become very less once we removed gluten from her diet. May be some of you could try it for few weeks and see if it helps.
My son is 5 yrs old, in Kindergarten and has been handflapping since 2 1/2yrs. He has epilepsy and a “Sensory Processing Disorder” diagnosed by our Neurologist but our next step is waiting for the 3 day long evaluation from the pediatric Neuropsychologist to get the whole story. My friend from high school works with special needs children and recommended Gluten free/Casein free diet, it helped a lot intially with his hyperactiveness (he can be very hyper at times) and his speech (it was delayed also, and he had tubes in his ears after numerous ear infections at age 2). My friend also recommended a few books byJenny McCarthy: Louder Than Words and Healing And Preventing Autism, and Mother Warriors. I also found a fantastic book called Finding the Gray by Timothy Wahlberg, Ph.D. He has a website too. http://www.findingthegray.com. . Lately though his handflapping has increased. I was stumped why it changed as he is becoming further away from the gluten in his system. I now read that omega-3’s can help and possibly is could be caused from yeast and other toxins/foods. I am thinking of trying different organic vitamins as the ones he’s currently on are not labeled Gluten Free. Any advice from anyone out there??
Karen
I have to add my son to this as well. He is 3 1/2 and he started flapping when he was around 1 1/2. Yes, everyone thought how cute, but now at 3 1/2, the kids are starting to imitate him and it is beginning to bother him. He also opens his mouth when flapping and walks on his toes. He has been tested regionally and locally and has not been found to be on the autistic spectrum. He loves people and children and understands emotions. The kids love him, and he has friends, but the teachers in his preschool say he is a little disconnected and sometimes prefers to be alone. The psychologists think he has sensory disorders and I agree with this. So back to flapping, in OT therapy last year, I was told to persuade him to clap his hands instead of flap. I felt this was killing the joy, so I did not pursue this method. But now since peer pressure is beginning to build, I just told the teachers to ask him to clap his hands and we will do the same at home. Another little tidbit, my husband is dyslexic and all the men in his family are dyslexic. I am hoping my son does not, but am preparing myself just in case.
I have posted my situation before on here. It has been my experience that encouraging clapping works for my son, even though he forgets sometimes, Its a lot of work trying to teach that method because there has to be constant reminder otherwise it will not be as effective, and it will get worse.
I have never tried Gluten Diet because i heard that it takes a long time for the Gluten to be removed from the body, and if something sneak Gluten in there ingredients then it set you back on hoping for the “norm”.
All,
So happy to find this website. Breifly I will tell you about my daughter, who is now thirteen. She began repetitive movements very early – lots of kicking as an infant, need to climb everything as soon as she was able to, and rapidly moving her hands up and down as soon as she was able to hold a drawing implement. All of the tips of her colored markers were smashed and flattened. I don’t recall when she started flapping. It seems it was just an evolution of her need to move around alot.
She was a squiggly child and bright as could be. She was genuinely happy and curious about the world around her. She also had and has a wonderful sense of humor. When she began kindergarten her differences became more apparent. I noticed that she was more active than the other children (since diagnosed with ADHD, which I call attention different) and, although extremely bright, she had sensory issues which were sometimes a plus and sometimes a minus.
When I began to research what may be going on with her, I found that hand-flapping may be an indicator of fragile x syndrome. One of the site that I read said that some with the syndrome may have high verbal skills, good senses of humor, and hand-flapping may be an indicator. I was relieved to find a possible diagnosis. I brought her to a pediatric neurologist who said to me that he had seen thousands of children and many fragile x children and he doubted very much that that was my daughter’s problem. However, he went ahead and had that and many other tests done. My daughter’s tests came back and she was diagnosed as a fragile x premutation carrier. There is a lot of information (and misinformation) on the web about fragile x. Since it is a genetic condition that affects the x chromosome, there are different outcomes for males and females. There are also different outcomes for premutation carriers and those with the syndrome. One thing I have read over and over again is that girls with the premutation are not affected. It is not true. Just recently I think more of the research has caught up with the possible realities of what having the premutation syndrome may cause. The other thing that you will possibly read on the web is that the children will have average, or below average intelligence. This, of course, is not always true. The danger in incorrect information being put out there is that most educators who go to the web for information will be bombarded with incomplete knowledge and, if they know that your child has fragile x, they may or may not be wise enough to dig deep and realize that each individual child will have their own challenges, yet unlimited potential. Needless to say, I am so happy that my child flaps her hands. Without that key piece of information, I may never have found a true diagnosis.
Since my child was in first grade, we have referred to her flapping as “thinking”. It was the first time that I asked her what she was doing and she replied, “Thinking.” I never wanted to make her self conscious about her behavior so I tended to just let her flap on. When she was in fifth grade, she saw a video of herself in a school performance and came home from school and told me about it. She was upset because she saw herself flapping on the video. She asked me what it was and why she did it, and I explained to her that she generally did it when she was excited, or happy and when she had extra energy to expend. She said it looked wierd and that she didn’t want to do it in front of other people. We talked about other things she could do in place of it as a substitute. I told her that I knew many people that shake one foot while sitting and that holding your own hands could be a calming strategy. The point is, she wanted to make the change herself, and we were able to brainstorm some behaviors to help her stave off the urge to stim in public. She still loves to “think.” She comes home from school and runs around outside on a patio area that we have and “thinks” to her heart’s content. Sometimes she will share with me what she has been thinking about and generally she has extremely imaginative, creative, and inventive thoughts. I know that if she was forced to stop “thinking” she would be devastated. She has told me that she loves that time when she can just let her imagination be free. And while I don’t doubt that there are other needs that are being fulfilled by her flapping, I know that it is necessaary for her to flap in order to process certain types of information, just as it is for non-flappers to process in their own special way.
Since fragile x is a genetic condition and I feel my daughter has the right to keep her health information private, I have requested confidentiality when dealing with her school. Unfortunately, some people are more acutely aware of each individual’s right to privacy than others. For me, if I had it to do over, when requesting services for my daughter, I would merely point out that she is ADHD. Until there is more accurate information readily available to the general public about all the variables involved in fragile x syndrome, I think that children can be unfairly labeled with below average intelligence when that is not always the case.
I urge anyone that has a hand flapper in their family to have them tested for fragile x, if they have not already done so. Not only can a diagnosis of fragile x affect future generations; it may also currently be affecting past generations (parents, grandfathers, grandmothers.)
I know that it can be scary at times to think that your child may have a genetic condition that doesn’t equate with the supposed norm, but I can tell you from personal experience that knowing where my daughter’s challenges come from has given me more insight into ways to help her. I don’t always get it right. Each of us, I know, strives to be a good parent. Knowing what to look for when my daughter exhibits certain behaviors and having some ideas about what to expect in the future has made this parenting thing a little easier.
On a positive note, although my daughter is thirteen, she is still generally happy, curious, and bright as can be. She is also a teenager and exhibiting all the normal behavorial signs of being a teenager. That is a blessing and a challenge in itself.
I have never posted anything about my daughter before. I hope that in some small way this will help others who have questions about hand flapping find some answers.
Wow–my daughter “thinks” as well! We came up with that label for her when she was 2 or 3 because it seemed clear that that was the important feature to her. She also “thinks” now when she gets home from school, outside or inside….pacing around. She does not flap her hands but her grandfather, aunt, and younger brother do. But none of them does the pacing and “thinking” thing. Such a complex, private thing….. I can’t believe there are so many people with experiences that I can relate to completely! Thanks to everyone for sharing!
Theresa,
Thank you ever so much for your post. It was extremely insightful. I will request that my son who is 8 and has been flapping now for several months be tested.
Can you PLEASE, PLEASE tell me more about keeping his medical situation at school ‘private.’
Thank you ever so much…
I have my baby 2 and half years old diagnostic with PDD, now he is getting a lot of help, ABA OT speach teraphy, i want to know more about the hands flapping because that botters me alot. me because a feel that he is out of the world, i dont know why he does it, but this days i stop him saying that i want clap in set of flap, and he does it, he stim a lot but is went he is bored. he is having the Glutein and casein diet. it works for some issues so i thing everybody should try. and one thing that i did see was that when one day i gave him 2 boxes of juice, he really flap as crazy. thats why i thing the sugar is a real problem. so we cut the sugar a lot now the flaping is less but some days a lot. im trying to cut the sugar from al the surces. so let see what happend. thanks dont forget GF/CF diet help.
I am soo happy I have finally find some other parents that are in the same boat as me. My daughter has been doing her hands since birth and at first we thought it was cute and then realized that it was something else. I have been searching the internet for about two years trying find answers because all the doctors we have taken to to all say the same thing, “she will grow out of it”. As a parent I know all of us can’t settle with that answer. We have taken her to two neurologist and an OT and a handflapping therapist. All diagnosed her with sterotypical movement disorder. She is in not autistic in any means. She is very smart and loving child, you wouldn’t even know she does her hands. She has started her first yr of pre-k and doing great, the teacher has said that she has only done it once the whole year in class. She can control her hands and that is a blessing so I am hoping that she will grow out of it. However I am with a lot of this parents on here, what is causing it and how “we” as parents deal with it with no real answers or diagnoses. I think ignoring isn’t the answer but the real question is how do we deal with it and how to approach it with out hurting our kids. I know visiting with a therapist it really depends on how we approach our kids with it and the tone of voice we tell them to stop doing their hands. Which is harder to do than said, I am dealing with it on a daily bases. I hope we can come together and get answers and help our childern and help ourselves be okay with our childern and hands. Thanks for the Aspiring Dad for this post this is one more step to finding answers to my prayers and finally realizing my daughter isn’t the only one out there with this disorder.
Kacie,
I think it’s great that your daughter has been able to control her flapping in class. My grandson will start kindergarden this year and I worry about him being teased by fellow classmates. I feel teachers should be aware and watch out for teasing done by others. I stand by my conviction that I will never say anything to my grandson again about not flapping. I have learned through reading that it can’t be controlled. It would be like me telling you to never sneeze…you can’t control it. If and when he ever wants to talk about it, I will let him talk and l will listen. I never want him to think there is something wrong with him. I just let him be a kid and if he needs to flap, have had it. He is smart, sweet and unique. Flapping is part of him and right now he doesn’t have a problem with it, so I let it be. If it really starts to bother him, we will deal with it at that time. For now, I love his happy hands and I want him to be comfortable and secure enough to do it in front of me.
I hope we can all continue to find support for ourselves for this disorder. Good luck.
Thanks Debbie. I guess we all hand it differently but I know that it is harder to handle it emotionally as their parent than grandparent. I had read a previous post that your daughter doesn’t like talking about it and I can understand where she is coming from. I usually cry everytime I talk to my mom about it. It is just hard not knowing why your child does this and what causes it and no one having any answers. Sometimes I wonder if I should be the one that has the problem and should be in therapy or be on some kind of med. My mom has tried to help me understand and help my daughter but she also know that she isn’t with her 24/7 and understands that as her parent I feel guilty in some way of not getting her help or understand why she does her hands. It is very tuff to go to doctor after doctor and they just look at you as if you are stupid and you are making it up or no big deal. But this website has me have a new insight on how I think about it but I know now that my daughter isn’t the only one that does this. I really think that it wasn’t an accident coming uponed this website. I have searched and searched for answers and didn’t but anything different in the search engine and this one finally found me. I hope something does come about this and we can help each other get some answers and suggestions to help our kids.
Kacie
Hi Kacie, please don’t blame yourself for the hand-flapping thing. There might not be any answers but that doesn’t matter as long as it’s not a problem. I started hand-flapping when I was about four and I’m 18 now and still doing it, though because I was told when I was little that it was a private thing, I am now unable to do it in front of other people. I think the most important thing is to make sure your daughter knows that it’s private and there’s nothing wrong with that. It already sounds like she knows this, so there isn’t much else to do. She may not grow out of it, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve done it my whole life and it’s not an impairment. If anything it helps me to be more creative as a writer. However, keep an eye on the symptoms associated with hand-flapping, such as autistic-like behaviour and attention deficit. It looks scarier than it is, trust me!
My little guy was just diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder last month. The doctor sighted his hand flapping as a sign of autism. I beg to differ…my son has a great love for music, and can pick up a rhythmic beat very easily, and almost seems to feel the beat. He started this when he was a tiny baby. He hears the music and he spreads his little fingers, to create “jazz hands”, and moves them over head and to the sides as an artistic impression. He also loves the Wiggles, who do a lot of hand movements. He is especially affected by their Pop Goes The Wiggles musical DVD. I am interested in knowing how many of you parents have hand flapping kids who are musically inclined or love the Wiggles?
Pamela, I would agree and say that it would be totally wrong to diagnose autism on the basis of hand-flapping. I’m 18 and my hand-flapping developed when I was about four and I was also a musical child. Hated the Wiggles though! :-S However, as far as I know I’m not autistic and the hand-flapping seems to be linked to my ADD. It’s also closely linked to overactive creativity in my brain, so there’s little cause to link it with autism. I’m a grade 2 pianist and have a B in GCSE music. I’m also a writer. I’m fairly normal socially, though I’ve always been bullied for various stuff, and I’m completely normal academically. I’m not saying that your child isn’t autistic, but hand-flapping is no basis for a diagnosis.
I just came across this post again today. I’m now 21 years old and was diagnosed with Asperger’s last year! Oops! I wrote this before I had the first clue about it. It’s weird to see this and realise how completely naive I was three years ago. If it wasn’t for my hand-flapping I’d never have been diagnosed. I guess it still isn’t a basis for diagnosis though. :p
Pamela,
My daughter is always singing something, she can keep beat really well and makes up songs from the top her head. I have noticed if I keep a music channel on that she doesn’t seem to do her hands as much because I think he keeps her mind going. I have also noticed when we are driving in the car she loves to listen to the radio and she doesn’t do her hands, so you might try leaving some music on and see if he does his hands less. But my husband’s side of the family is very musical so i think she just gets the talent from them.
Some of the reason may be deficiency in Zinc, somehow this is connected to the behavior. I have given Zinc tables for kids to my son. The tables are from Kirkman labs . The hand flapping has stopped. Also try the b12 therapy along with Vitamin C.
It does improve the behavior a lot, but always consult with a physician before starting any diet or vitamin therapy.
Thank you for posting this info. on vitamins & minerals. My son is 8 and flaps. He’s been flapping his hands for several months. Before that, he would figit his hands together…
A lot of posters here, but not many discussions about diet.
thank you.
I’m a twenty one year old female, not autistic. I hand flap whenever I get excited because its way more acceptable than jumping up and down and shrieking. I show horses and also do it every time I’m waiting ringside. I’ve been trying to quit because I know its a weird thing, but ya know what? No one even notices. :-) Its the only way to let the excited energy out!
I’m interested in Taylor’s comment because I am a forty year old female with a child with Down Syndrome, also on the spectrum. In recent years my life has been very stressful and I have noticed that I have started to hand-flap. I have no recollection of having done this before in my life. An autistic friend of mine tells me that now he has seen me do this he is convinced I too am autistic although I have good social skills, eye contact etc. How much of an indicator of ASD is hand-flapping and could anyone point me to evidence for the zinc deficiency link? Thanks
Hello, my daughter is 4 years old and has Aspergers. She is a avid hand flapper. I agree with the 3rd approach. When I notice her flapping I tell her “hugs!” and she hugs herself and then is done. Sometimes she hugs herself tight and sometimes not. But in public it’s a lot less noticeable with having her arms crossed than the flapping. Plus when she gets older she will look like every other teenager walking around with their arms crossed!! Small joke but true! I hope this helps.
As a parent to a 3yo with pdd-nos (mild autism), I wish I didn’t read so many times in these comments, “my child is bright, loving, definitely not autistic” or some variation on the theme. My son is also bright, loving, social, creative and likes to flap when excited, is a bit delayed in language, sometimes does not make eye contact, loves to sing and dance, etc. Every child is unique, possessing both gifts and challenges, and all (autistic and typical) are more similar than different.
My son is 9yrs old. As a baby he was completely normal with no adverse behaviours. When he was about 2 and a half I became concerned with the quality of his speech as he would babble. He had long conversations but was intelligable. When he started kindergarten a speech therapist became involved and by the time he started school at 5 year olds was easily understood. He still has what I would call ‘lazy speech’ and has to constantly be reminded to speak clearly.
During his earlier years he would also walk in circles and flap. When I asked what he was doing he would say “nothing” and walk away. The walking in circles has since stopped but he will spend a few seconds staring at the ground and flapping.
He now only flaps when he is walking or playing in the surf. He has good concentration, in fact teachers have comented how he stays on task and completes tasks. He is average academically although struggles with spelling. I put this down to poor speech pronounceation as he is a phonetic speller. He is very social and is well liked. He also showed from a young age very good hand eye co-ordination and is quite the athlete.
We have only just heard from his older siblings that kids at school ask why he does this. It doesn’t seem to bother him at the moment but I think he is becoming more aware as sometimes he holds his hands together to resist the urge.
I appreciate the comments I’ve read as they’ve helped me understand my son a little better. I have asked a doctor about the flapping but was told it’s just a mannerisim and not to worry about. But as a parent you can’t help yourself can you.
Hi to all,
I stumbled on this page (whilst googling Aspergers and Autism info) and am reduced to tears by reading all the comments. Its hard to describe how I feel, I am so naive to think that my son was alone with his hand-flapping. I guess I feel relieved that there are others out there.
My own emotional reaction surprises me because I had always accepted my son’s behaviour as part and parcel of his nature, something quirky, mystifying at times, innappropriate at other times and I confess, a little embarrassing when in public as I didn’t want people to react negatively to him – he is such a bright, interesting ,lovely boy!
However we are in the process of getting a diagnosis for some disorder soon, in the Uk it takes a while on the NHS! I have been told that he is possibly going to be diagnosed with Higher Functioning Autism (similar to Aspergers I believe). The word Autism slaps you right round the face. I have to come to terms with this label as I am all too aware of the the stigma associated with it.
In the hope that the experts get their diagnosis correct let me describe my son to you, to see if anything chimes with your experiences:
He is 8 years old, a “livewire” at times, a challenging, bright, argumentative boy, emotionally volatile, energetic, creative and destructive in equal measure.
He has a need for extreme movement, often pacing and skipping about as he converses with me, constantly gesticulating when excited.
He hand-flaps daily, often accompanied with explosive “fireworks” or machinery noises.
He has poor motor skills, is not “sporty”, poor at catching balls (I enrolled him in Football club and had a bit of a spy through the fence: to my dismay he was pretty much disengaged from the game, whirling his hands by the goal in his own little world!)
He has astonishing energy and stamina and is rake thin from burning it all up!
At school in year 4 he is progressing fine although is described as “very quiet” and fidgets a lot. He is an avid reader (mostly non-fiction), enthused by anything scientific or creative.
His handwriting is poor, he is unable to do joined-up writing and misspells a lot of words.
He has difficulty following instructions, likes to interpret my or teacher’s requests in his own way!If at all!
He has good concentration when in the right mood, otherwise he’s quite a dreamer.
Socially he is a little aloof, shy in new situations and a bit of a loner, spending playtime running about on his own making usually aeroplane noises and spinning his hands like propellers. He adores aeroplanes as we live under a flight path.
He collects batteries. And breaks things apart to see how they work. Unfortunately he can’t reassemble them 99% of the time.
I should mention he has always been in motion, he kicked the most in the womb of my 4 babies…he has hand-flapped since being a toddler and I just thought it was his way of managing his feelings and abundant energy. I have scolded him at times for making me jump, as he often makes loud machine sound effects at the same time, but after having read the above I realise I should take care not to shame him; he is made this way and clearly needs to do it…
I am seeking answers to help him cope with life in the real world and as he is the eldest of 4 boys I kind of need him to behave well to help set good standards of behaviour for the others to copy. At the moment they love to imitate his crazy games and sometimes I am beset with small boys flying round me, blasting me with torpedoes. I would really, really appreciate any comments and advice! on any of this. Apologies for spilling out my thoughts, I’ve never written about this before.
Lastly, thank you to everyone for posting. It means so much to find my son is in good company!
Hi Linda,
I just want to say that after reading everyone’s story, my son is most like yours. He’s also 8.
I also got emotional reading this website.
Let’s hope the world lets our sons stay happy.
Mel
Your son sounds just like mine. I just discovered it’s not Asperger Syndrome he has. The psychiatrist was SO WRONG! It is Sensory Processing Disorder. He is a Sensory Seeker. There is help for him to cope with life. We wasted four years thinking it was autism my son had.
Read the book The Out-of-Sync Child by Linda Stock Kranowitz. Now.
Oh my god – this page is awesome.
My son (now in Grade 2) has been going through the psychological wringer … “something is wrong with him” is all we are hearing. The specialist said he exhibited attention deficient symptoms .. but didn’t fit the clinical definition of ADD or ADHD. A year later we’re about to go back to him to have him look into Asperger’s .. which the school principle mentioned casually.
Since we’ve been researching Asperger’s on the net its become quite apparent that this is what I’ve had my whole life … not a bad thing per se .. but really nice to understand it. But the hand flapping .. We’ve caught my son doing it .. he’ll make a tight fist .. bring it up to his face and shake them really fast while gritting his teeth .. when he’s excited about something .. or charged .. We picked up on it right away and thought it was cute .. because good ole dad (me) did the same sort of thing .. I put my palms my head .. and my right hand flaps really quickly .. and I usually let out a gleeful squeel .. its in those moments that I’m really concentrating on something … and things are going good .. and I’m excited or happy. My mother has mocked it .. my wife just dismisses it .. but after seeing this page and all the comments .. oh my .. its nice to know I’m not alone.
Being different does not mean having a disorder ..
I left a comment here a while ago. Since then, my son started KG and had a lot of behavioral/hyperactivity issues. Although he has been to a neuro-developmental pediatrician, he was not diagnosed as having ADHD, people who deal with him on a regular basis don’t think that he could have ADHD….The hand movements/face grimmacing/pacing had doubled in intensity and frequency. I recently discovered that he has a sensitivity to food dyes red 40, green, blue etc. I have since cut all food and juices with these dyes and have seen the movements decreased significantly and the behavior and concentration levels in school have changed drastically. It took a couple of days for his body to detox, since he was consuming a lot of drinks containing these additives. His teacher had started sending me daily behavior reports and almost every day was dissapointing. Since this change, the daily reports have been “Excellent” in all his school periods, the teacher is amazed with the improvement. I had heard about food dyes and additives but never believed it or thought it applied until I saw the difference it made in my child. I always dismissed suggestions from people to buy organic/free of additives and dyes, now I see that it made a huge difference. Since yesterday was Halloween, I allowed him to have some lollipops and starburst, after a while his movements had increased to high levels again.
You may want to give this a try if your child has behavior and complex stereotypic movements, while I’m not claiming that I found a cure, I’m extremely happy with the results. Some children have reactions to these chemicals, however not all children do!
Thank you.
Thank you thank you thank you.
I’m crying at work, reading all this.
My 8-year-old son has been flapping since he was a baby.
I won’t try to stop him anymore.
He flaps when he’s happy and excited.
I love him so much. He’s bright and affectionate. Wouldn’t trade him for the world.
For those who wonder if a gluten-free diet helps, my 8-year-old son is allergic to wheat, so he’s had a gluten-free diet all his life. And he takes lactose-free milk, so it ain’t the dairy either.
He’s still flapping happy :-)
Thank you all again.
I wrote in a couple of years ago, and wanted to write an update. My son is almost 17 now, and has hand flapped all his life. He also kicked quite a bit as a baby, in response to stimuli, but I have to say, I never thought twice about it. He was a perfectly normal child in every other way. No socialization problems, although definitely not particularly outgoing either. However, as soon as he started school, he kept such hand flapping behaviors for home. We never suggested he do this, but he just seemed to make the decision for himself. Although he is now a junior in high school, I have never had one teacher mention anything about hand flapping to me. So apparently my son has kept it under wraps quite well.
My son is extremely talented academically. He has had a fantastic school career, and teachers remark frequently on his academic ability. He is number one in his large public high school class. He has plenty of friends, and is active in various activities in school, especially debate. He has never had a hint of ADHD or any other developmental issue. He makes no attempt to hide his hand flapping from the family, but as I said, it only seems to take place in our home. I would say it takes place daily, sometimes for 20-30 minutes at a time. If I had known about hand flapping earlier in his life, I might have gotten it checked out with a doctor. However, I was in blissful ignorance! I would not pursue it now with a professional unless my son wished to do so. For us, it is just normal.
So, I just wanted to say, from our perspective, that there seem to be a good many outcomes to early and lifelong hand flapping. Don’t jump to any conclusions as to how it will turn out. Of course, we all need to watch our kids, and act according to our instincts. But I will say, that hand flapping has not affected my son adversely in any way, that I can tell. It’s simply a part of his life that we all accept. My second child, also a son, has never hand flapped. Best wishes to all on this interesting journey.
Hi all,
This is a long post but I hope it’s helpful. Do keep in mind that it’s all based on my personal experience; I’m not a doctor or expert in this at all.
I’m a 24 year old woman and I’ve had the hand-flapping habit my entire life. I’m otherwise normal– I went to an Ivy League college, did very well, and I’ve just started a PhD in biology at another Ivy League college. I have a normal social life; I’ve remained very close with several people from high school and college and I tend to make new friends quickly. What I’m trying to say is: kids with this habit can grow up to live completely normal and successful lives.
I feel the urge to flap my hands when I’m thinking about something that makes me excited and happy, for example, remembering times that I made my friends laugh. If I’m alone I’ll often just allow myself to indulge in the habit because, honestly, it’s enjoyable. When I think about something happy I feel this buildup of physical energy (the same as if you were at the starting line of a race), and to release the energy and feel even happier I flap my hands and sometimes jump up and down. It’s fun, like skipping or dancing. It’s an outburst of joyful energy. The problem is that unless I actively pay attention, I don’t notice that I’m doing it. Not at all. (You’d think you’d notice yourself doing something like that, but when I’m thinking a wonderful thought I can get so engrossed in the thought that I completely don’t realize what I’m doing.)
I believe it’s possible to learn to control the habit. The problem (for me at least) is that it’s fun, so I don’t entirely want to stop. But I’ve learned to cut back on the habit a lot; most of the time when I have the urge to flap my hands I just hold my arms down to my sides and tense the muscles and clench my fists, which is less noticeable to other people. In high school I really controlled habit just by paying attention to myself and telling myself not to do it. But when I stopped caring about it in college, the habit did come back. I’ve noticed that it has flared up a lot recently during my move to a new place for grad school. I think the flare-up is stress related. Now I need to actively focus on controlling it again. If I focus on stopping the habit for long enough (maybe a few weeks or months?), I’m pretty sure it will recede. I think the key is never to allow myself to indulge in it; when I allow myself to flap my hands in private while no one is watching, I feel the urge to do it more and more frequently, and before I know it I’m flapping my hands in public. Oops.
I acknowledge that the decision to try to stop is a personal choice, and there may be other people who enjoy this habit enough that they do not wish to stop or control it. Of course that’s a fine decision to make, and it is their right to do so. But it can be a hard road to take for someone who cares about the opinions of others.
I usually do tell my close friends about my habit, especially if we go on trips together, because if they’re with me for long enough the likelihood that they’ll see me do it is pretty high. I usually say something like, “Hey, just so you know, I do this weird thing. …Don’t worry, it’s not a seizure or anything.” They usually answer, “Haha yeah I already noticed it.”
Based on my personal experience (and keep in mind that this is just my personal experience and every kid is different), my opinion is that it would be helpful for parents to explain to their hand-flapping son (or daughter) that he is not “weird” or “crazy,” but that he can and should learn to control the urge. I think the earlier a child starts trying to learn, the better; I think it would be harder to learn as a child got older. Learning to control it has made my life much better. I think it would be a mistake to encourage this behavior by praising it or being amused by it; I think that would make it much harder for the child to control it. When I was little, my parents told me (kindly and gently) that I should probably learn to stop so that other people wouldn’t tease me. That helped me; it made me actively think about stopping, which worked for me once I committed myself to it. Fortunately, other kids never made fun of me (within my earshot), but I’m sure they would have as I got older if I hadn’t learned to control the habit.
Interestingly, it seems like the hand flapping behavior can be learned from others. My next door neighbor was an elementary school English teacher, and she said one year all of the girls in her class started flapping their hands. She called it “flying south.” My sister (who never did it as a child) picked it up from me when she was in her teens and now can’t stop either. Two of my closest friends (who are unrelated to me and both girls) picked it up from me when we went on trips and lived in close quarters together for a few weeks. (I’m pretty sure both of my friends have since stopped.)
This really is a difficult behavior to control because you truly do not realize that you’re doing it. I had to learn to pay attention, monitor my own thoughts, and stop myself before I started to flap my hands. It’s not perfect, but it works when I want it to—I almost never flap my hands in public.
I have occasionally wondered whether medications might help me stop this habit, but it’s never gotten bad enough for me that I’ve seriously considered it. I’ve never even talked to a doctor about my habit. It just hasn’t been a big issue in my life. For more serious cases, though, I can imagine that medication might be last-recourse option worth considering if the individual has reached adulthood and really does want to stop.
Well, I hope this was helpful. Best of luck to all you flappers, with whatever decision you make!
Thanks Alison! Very insightful. Thanks for taking the time to share your personal experience with all of us. I read parts of your e-mail to my 6 year old, it really resonated with him.
Hello Everyone!
My son is now 15 years old and I just had him rediagnosed by an autism center. They told me he doesn’t have Aspergers now after a doctor previously told me he did have it. They now say he has ADHD. My son has a lot of issues and he has done the hand flapping. As he was getting older I suggested he try to hide it more so he wouldn’t get teased. He then started grabbing the bottom of his t-shirt with a firm grip and shaking it. He would mostly do this when he would get excited or watch competitive sports on TV. I guess I am still in a bit of shock that he wasn’t diagnosed with Aspergers. I was wondering if the hand slapping can be a sign of ADHD?? I need to call these expert doctors to discuss his diagnosis and was wondering if anyone had any info or questions to ask them. He doesn’t take any meds and am wondering if that is their next step. Thanks for your help! Worried Mom
I have submitted here before, but will offer an update. My son is now 4 1/2, and has been noticeably flapping since he was 1 1/2 years old. We have been to many Doctors and therapists and have gone through major ups and downs to figure out what is really going on. We are certain he does not have aspergers or autism, but he does have sensory and imbalance issues. He is very social and loved by everyone. He does have some attention problems, so we have put him on Strattera (20mg/day) and it has really helped him focus and even play better with his friends. As for the flapping, his friends are use to it by now and think it’s cute and funny. However, I have been telling him, now that he is becoming more socially aware, that he should try holding his hands together or use some other methods to control his excitement. It only happens when he is excited and he also grits his teeth and makes a funny noise. I personally think it’s a quirk in his nervous system and as he gets older, he’ll think of creative ways to hide it. The hand flapping may be a sign of a miss-wiring somewhere in the nervous system..which may be somehow related to other nervous disorders. I’m not getting crazy over this…could be much worse!
You got to give them something to do with they’re hands,like a tech-deck it might help/
My son is a beautiful 25 year old young man who has been hand flapping all of his life. Does it matter? No.
When he was a teenager he hid it more, but it was never an issue and never will be.
Recently he told me that when he hand flaps it gives him inspiration and creativity.. or inspiration and creativity comes first?
Whatever, it’s not a big deal. I only wish that I could be that creative and imaginative. So if I had hand flapped I might have been more creative, who knows?
In any event, he is lucky, beautiful, talented and kindhearted. I wouldn’t change a thing about him.
WOW!!! I’m so glad to come across this website blog and know that I’m not the only parent that has an autistic child that flaps on a consistent basis. So where do I begin? My son, Evan, is 8 years old and has been flapping all his life. He finished special education for 3 years and is now moving to mainstream school. It’s a small religious private school. Fortunately the kids don’t mind him flapping and haven’t teased him about it. He has always been a bright kid. He was tested on his non-verbal skills and was borderline gifted. To tell you the truth, he is much more of a visual learner as most autistics are. Evan also has add, which I give him homeopathic supplements (“Attend”) instead of the run of the mill stimulants that causes serious side effects. It has helped him focus in class and his aggressive behaviours have improved. He has been getting straight A’s for the last two semesters. I think he has been more of a success story than anything. He has come a long way since his “autism” diagnosis. With hard work and patience and not giving up on your child, they can succeed in life. The stimming is another part of Evan’s life that still goes on. He stims when he gets excited or has too much energy. I know with my son, it’s the dairy and the sugar intake that aggravates the stimming. I let him stim at home as much as he wants, but he needs to control it in the classroom setting. It’s quite a challenge for him because he gets excited or has excessive energy building inside of him. And also, if they have to stay inside due to rain or bad weather, it’s hard for him to control the stimming also. I think maybe an afterschool outside sports activity would also help control his stimming too. I hope this helps some of you out there that are trying to find answers on how to control the stimming. It can be a distraction at times, but don’t give up on them. I know I didn’t and look where he is now. He is flourishing in a mainstream school with all A’s. A mother cannot be any prouder.
Check this out …
http://www.taap-project.com/
I am going to try it with both my kids, regardless of no ailment.
I been concerned for yrs my son has found a doctor that has took the time to realize the might be a problem. Since he repeats vocally and writes the same phrases over and over. Plus the arm flapping while jumping when excited. obbession with time and plans
This is an answer that none of you want to hear.
A combination of Paxil along with a small dose of diazpam or one of the related drugs has eliminated the symptoms, in myself (adult apie, my son college age aspie, and my daughter almost tween. )
Has worked for my son who displayed the worst symptoms since he was 10 — over 10 years, and the rest of us for several years.
One MD, diagnosed the overstim condition as being related to social phobia/anxiety and prescribed accordingly.
All the advantages of the aspie brain without the social stigma. All of the rest of the approaches behavioral, OT, etc. had little or no effect.
A thearphy called interactive metronone was helpful, however with some related non-stim issues
Let me add a short note, the diet changes DID help, but they were short term. Eliminating food dyes, zinc and b-12 were what was effective (and those are still used) it is just that the effect was not lasting, 6-months to a year)
But probably a dang good idea anyway, esp. the red dye.
Thank you, veryone, for sharing your deeply personal concerns about your children or yourselves! My daughter is almost 7 and has been “hand-flapping” since she was an infant. As a baby she did it whenever we sat down to eat and she was anticipating food, but as the years have gone on, she does it quite often. Sometimes when she’s excited or upset, sometimes when watching television (which we are limiting, due to the fact that she has a hard time disconnecting from the screen), sometimes when explaining something to myself or my husband, and now even when she is playing alone. The latter concerns me the most, simply because I watch her and she stares at her toys, twisting and flapping her hands to an extreme I haven’t seen until recently. She is amazingly bright and does very well with her schoolwork, as well as being an excellent reader. She makes friends very easily, but seems to have a more childlike view of things than some kids her age (which I consider a good thing, seeing how fast kids grow up!). She does really enjoy playing alone, and I have also noticed her opening her mouth and twisting her tongue around quite a bit just recently. I was encouraged to read these posts because I have been worrying myself sick with what to do about this. I don’t think there is anything wrong with her, and my husband and I have a very hard time with every child being diagnosed with something these days, but it becomes difficult not to be concerned when it is your baby experiencing something different! At her 7 year annual doctor exam I plan on bringing this up to her dr, but when I asked about it 3 years ago, he said it was totally normal. As I read all these stories, I see that it is more common, but I still have a hard time believing that there isn’t something that is making her do this that other children do not experience. I also get a little concerned because I occasionally see my 11 month old son flap his hands a bit around food, but I think that most babies do some variation of this. I have always thought that as she got older, my daughter would stop on her own due to social pressures, but it has only increased as the years go on. She is homeschooled, so the pressures of children in school do not get to her, but I do see her friends and cousins ask her about it… And all she says is “I do it when I’m excited” and it is dropped. No one ever makes fun of her, but I do see the looks that adults can give her when they see it, and it deeply upsets me. Thank you all again, and if anyone has any suggestions at all on how this can be better handled, please let me know!
@Torian
Wow…..Your comment totally mirrors my soon to be 7 year old son. Social, bright, energetic. His pediatrician dismissed it until I recorded the movements and showed him the tape. He was referred to a developmental pediatrician and was diagnosed with Complex Motor Stereotypies (Normal Developing Child) and Sensory Integration Disorder (visual, auditory and vestibular)–He also dismissed the possibilities for ADHD or Aspergers.
He has shown amazing improvements in the sensory area after some therapy sessions. The movements persist, some days more than others–I noticed the movements get out of control and more complex with food coloring/preservatives consumption. I have changed his diet and try not to give him anything containg Red 40-Yellow 6 or others. The improvement has been remarkable and although the movements have not disappeared they have decreased a lot and he is a lot more focused. I would rank the movements going from a 9 to a 4 in terms of frequency.
Hi,
This is really interesting. I am a 21 year-old female and I have always flapped. And I have no disorders. I read so many times in the above post that parents at first thought their children’s hand-flapping was “cute” but then realised it was something else and something wrong…… This perplexes me. I have hand-flapped all my life and no-one has ever thought anything of it, other than that it is a thing that I do. My uncle and others used to tease me that I was a bird trying to take off when I was a kid and I would run around in circles flapping my hands. Nowadays I’ll only really get caught flapping if I’m alone and someone walks into the room and I was thinking to myself or if I’m thinking to myself and my boyfriend is also in the room and starts teasing me. But he just thinks it’s a cute thing I do too. No-one has ever thought it was anything else. Because it isn’t. A cousin of mine who is 5 years younger than me did exactly the same thing as a baby and everyone exclaimed that he was just like me. It’s just a family trait – something we subconsciously start doing when we’re excited.
To people wondering if hand-flapping alone is enough to suggest your child probably has a disorder, the answer is NO. Until today I never had a clue that anyone would ever think hand-flapping was anything other than quirky – not “wrong”.
my son (age 5) hand flaps bounces and grinds his teeth all at the same time mostly when he is watching t.v. or gets excited. He also has speech and language dissorder, every time I speak to his specialist she just dismisses it. I seem to be banging my head against a wall. I know my son is special and not the same as other children but when the doctors wont listen what can i do? Thank you every one for your stories and making me realise im not alone.
This is exactly what I needed to read. My son has been flapping his hands and looks up to the sky/ceiling when he’s excited for several years now – he’s 10. I was initially worried that he would flap forever and although I loved it when he was smaller, I started to worry me that his flapping might last the rest of his life. I’ve had him tested and I’ve been told he doesn’t have autism or aspergers but I wonder sometimes. He’s very smart but lazy when it comes to actually having to do the work. Math is not his best subject but he loves to read and excells in that area.
Sam doesn’t have many friends at school and I believe the flapping is keeping kids at a distance. This makes me sad because as I mom, I think he needs friends in order to be happy. He has shared with me that not having any friends makes him sad, but his confidence in being alone is really high. His teachers often tell me he’s on the playground reading a book and seems very content. We’re almost at the end of the school year and he’s now he’s playing with other kids on the playground – mostly basketball; he’s tall for his age.
I thought I wanted him to be normal – the kind of normal that society wants, but what I really want is for my boy to be happy. I love him
I am so relieved that my two sons aren’t the only ones doing this! Yes, not one, but two sons, and yes, I remember doing it too as a child. My hand flapping has progressed to hand clapping and head-scratching … I always knew it was a bit weird so have kept it quiet and private, and my own husband still does not know!! And now I have two sons who both flap madly – and often at the same time! I am not ashamed of them and don’t consider it a disorder. They are beautiful boys, and they will learn to deal with it in their own way and in their own time, just like I did.
hi
my neice has a problem since when she was 2 and half year old…..my brother was going to saudi arabia with his wife for religious matter(hajj)……..before that her daughter would call him papa /…….play with toys intelligently…….other things normally……but when he comeback he told us that he is seeing some differneces in her daughter…..we thought of this is a case of child loving….and seeing too much ……but finally …his worries got right…my neice was having problem in school….she was not playing,talking,etc…….then she was diagnose with ADHD………but afterwards it was autism……..she is now 15 ……she is not potty trained……
do not communicate properly…….or even his communication is i think 10% atmost…with no clear commands…….hit his sisters…..sitting for hours at one place ………very limitd IQ level….is she is a definitly a case of autism??????
from all your posts your children has not this kind immovability…..what should i do….?
onlyfrom symptoms someone can be diagnosed of autism…..
please help
I have a 3yr old daughter and she flaps hands when she is excited or happy…..I noticed that whenevr she eats chocolate she is hhpyeractive and does more hand flapping.She is diagnosed with moderate global developmental delay.can someone giv me suggestions to help my daughter stop hand flapping.
Thanks in advance.
My daughter hand flaps. Her diagnosis isn’t autism but she has some similar traits. She had a meningitis like collapse a few days after a dufficult birth, has brain damage, and I have some traits of high-functioning autism/adhd(pi) and dyspraxia and borderline and ocd. I also consciously do it when I get afraid I have over indulged in some snack to burn the calories and a little/prevent a bloodsugar spike – the idea in my head is that anyway. I have just this evening formed the idea that the flapping is not actually a stim initially, it’s a reflex in response to a hormone/blood-sugar spike of some kind in response to a stimulus – like wind or an exciting noise, and it has parallels in the flapping of very nervously excited normal people – there are times when this sort of behaviour is deemed normal, even attractive and demure/sassy/sweet depending on context.
I think it may be strongly related to hippocampus and amygdala and related brain-gizmos and pathways/sorts of stuff. Just looking back at the wikipedia pages I tread this evening mentioning these structures that were part of the idea crystaliising it made me think again this fast stimming may be realted to the epilepsy the article was about and be a kind of seizure. Maybe there is a bit of both seizure and energy use akin to shivering to mop up excess products of stimulation – seizure migfht come first or the body-brain link may end up on some kind of loop, like in a seizure or hypnotic trance.
I was speaking about the fast flapping that may accompanied with legs kicking when lying or rockingin a lower-body-leading type of wave formation, anyway rather than the slow more deliberate muscle-testing or hynotic rythmed kinds of events you see. This fast type is what my daughter does as well as taut (as in tight, tense) grimacing involving her whole body. She also bends over and freezes up in this position, maybe tense and flapping as well down there, legs perfectly straight, bent at the hips. She has visual impairment as well – it may be sensory-feedback being cut down during times of anxiety or over-stimulation, or needing to think, as well as sensory stimulation or predictability, or oxegen-levels at the floor – like a concious faint??? .
I was reading something on wikipwdia about eplielsy and intermittent explosive disorder having looked up de ja vu upon exeriencing one, and eating rather a lot of pringles against my better judgement and debating with myself what may be the cause. And the remedy.
I wonder if the more slow kinds of flaps which she does less often which I have seen in others, where the fingewrs are closed and extended in a taugt rythmic fasshion, or fingers do this partially like a little wave, are related closely to somato-sensory obsessions – a form f ocd where basic physical actions particularly unconscious and fundamental ones like breathing, heart rythm and swallowing becaome the focus of conscious anxiety and attempts to regulate them. Maybe these flapping episodes in an older child cross back and forth betwwen them, the types of flapping I outline; from self-regulation attempts when overly aroused(technical way of using that word)/ over-excited to obsession and compulsion to hypnotic state.
Which kind’ve brings me to my ideas to tackling this. We need to be kind to ourselves and them. Reflexive behaviour that treats the hand-flapping as positive and characterful and rational can really end two or three ways – it can be good and even deepen a relationship and strengthen social behaviour – because mirroring and complimentary symmetry in behaviour is so important and deep in social behaviour and mainly sub-conscious reinforcer that it is difficult to give to autistic children. The mirroring may be fun and silly and relax everyone and then a new distraction found stops the flapping for now and makes a ‘serious endeavour’ possible. Or it makes the person aware and maybe lead to anxiety or annoyance, which in a good world may lead to helping them ‘get past’/’done with’ hand flapping or is still social negotiating and engagement that teaches a brain something, if done with compassion and caring and the bond is maintained.
Flapping is a funny peculiar thing, and sometimes funny haha – especially to young mainstream children with a reason to not be careful what the person feels, somehow, or just too much not to be funny. Tension and anxiety about it as an adult parent are common and natural – everybody is disabled, there are things we’re just not able to get past. Except we can be able to get past more if we’re helping and gent;e to ourselves rather than cross or panicked or stressed. And this is advice we know we give to ourselves about being able to calm our child’s behaviour – being reasonable and empathetic rather than exacerbating the stress in reflexive cycle/negative feedback loop.
I think this wont affect, or won’t know how it will or could affect, a stimuli-related reflex or semi-concious reflex to burn off excess blood-sugar/arousal hormones – and relieve related discomfort. Interesting avenue to follow in research but I’m not that woman to go there at the moment. Mum with half a degree in countryside management, poet-philospher, internet activist, better demans on her time than these fripperies too being family and keeping on top of all things domestic All part of the same job in various ways and it isn’t a frippery really, activism, when it’s trying to save people from misery. Mmm, got to go to bed; but I believe I am not whistling in the dark but under a galaxy of interesting points, and trying to make the music and the sense actually fit.
Amy got up the slide at Harewood house today – it involved huge amount of bravery from both of us and we’ve been working up to it – several visits. She was climing up all the ladders of logs and equipment she was really scared of until now. Major breakthrough. Partly based on trying to give her what other children would have basesed on her needs – a little help alittle encouragement and push and ‘you can do that yourself; you can be brave’ when you know she can. It’s really difficult picking the moment and I did fail lots already but I think I got there today. And she did amazingly.
Another thought; I worried I had tb and thought a lot about cancer and tar on the lungs from passive smoking and bits of food that get in the lungs and may stick there and cystic fbrosis and the lung physio they do. I went to the doctor and explained the reasons had for wondering about tb but also my anxiety/ocd tendancies; she was really vely and took me seriously as well as being concerned and ‘bless you’ about the anxiety acknowledgment. She looed at my sats (blood oxygen saturation level) – it was 100%. She’d not seen that for years, apparently. I give credit to teaching myself to cough and breathe and feel in my lungs deeply and methhodically searching for blockages and meaning to give the cillia in my bronchae a helping hand. Maybe it makes our instinctual responses to health worries more rational than them may seem; and possibly hand-flapping is a self-healing mechanism we can really hinder or help and develop…?
Watcvhing other kids with hand flapping and repetitive tapping of things like tube slides, nice ding, and wooden plaforms, at the park today and a different park yesterday and the reactions of support assistants with them was part of the thinking as wel. Probably made a pigs ear of including information relevant to my devloping thinking and giving you a clear idea of it – or is that ocd talking or false modesty?? oh-hummm. Night!
My son was six when the psychiatrist said he had Asperger Syndrome (AS) based on his hand-flapping alone. (My son also loves music). Aside from narrow interests, not being able to connect with peers his own age and having poor fine and gross motor skills, my son has no other AS symptoms.
My son is now nine half. And I happened to just read The Out-of-Sync Child. He fits the description of a child with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) to a tee. He’s under the Sensory Seeker category. A child within the autism spectrum may display SPD symptoms. A child with SPD may display symptoms of autism spectrum but does not have autism.
I suggest you seek consultation with a psychologist who’s familiar with SPD. Or read the book! We’ve wasted almost four years when we could have sought crucial help from occupational therapists (one has confirmed my son has SPD) to help my son cope with school.
Hello I have a 2 a two year old and her friend is the same age he has autism and although he may not flap he stims by taking pens forks spoons etc and its his way of calming himself down after he gets too excited I watch him and his mom and I give him time to stim that way he isn’t robbed of his way of calming himself he keeps everything the same and it helps that way its so important to allow your child the control to do what they want when they are given guidelines of when they can do it
It’s so easy to love children—especially the ones who are so free and innocent of the rigors life puts on them. My 5 yr old grandson flaps and seems so free when he does so. I notice that people of all ages bounce their leg when sitting down, or drum their fingers, pop their knuckles, chew gum excessively fast or constantly scribble on paper. All of these actions are common with people of all ages, but nobody criticises them. We really need to educate ourselves and everyone with the fact that moving in these ways may make us uncomfortable, but obviously they calm down or soothe the person. Let’s teach tolerance and acceptance, as none of us fit in the ‘norm’.
:)
I’m so happy to have found this web site! My daughter who is now 10yrs old is perfect in every way…she’s clever, very sociable, confident and quite artistic which i envy! My daughter has been hand clapping since she was probably about 4 or 5yrs old…which she tells me she does because she feels excited and happy. I have never understood why she does it and have quite often told her to stop it as it’s weird and i worried that she would be teased at school as a few kids had already spotted it but it doesn’t seem to bother her them asking,but after having read most of the stories on here, both from other parents and other hand clappers. I now realise that the problem does not lie with my daughter, but with myself for not understanding her and respecting her little ways. Now that i know that her hand clapping is not as strange as i’d thought and knowing that there are many children and adults just like her makes me realise that it was my ignorance and negative remarks to her, that could potentially damage her, not the odd comments from friends or strangers. So when she gets back from her school trip tomorrow, i shall sit down and apologise to her and also read through some of the comments on this web site with her and learn to understand that her little ways are just absolutly NORMAL and part of who she is…just perfect…and i wouldn’t have her any other way!!!
Thank you all for posting all of your stories. I have a son who is now 4 1/2, and has been hand flapping since he was a baby. I never thought anything of of it. He hand flaps when he gets really excited. I haven’t noticed the kicking or opening of the mouth yet. He just jumps up and down while doing it. I ask him why he does it and he just replies, “because I’m excited!” We recently went to see Toy Story on Ice, and he flapped happily away for the first 5 minutes, and then stopped and sat watching the show the rest of the time. Some people sitting next to us noticed his flapping and looked over, but were smiling when they did and I just replied, “Can you tell he’s really excited?!” They nodded and smiled and we all went on watching the show. I do think it’s just a way to get all that excess energy out. He just started preschool this year, and his teacher has never mentioned it to me although I’m sure he does it there. Now that I think of it, I think he actually did it in front of her at the open house, and we just said “that’s what he does when he’s really excited,” and she just said, “ok!” Although I think it depends on the teacher and how comfortable they are with it. (and as an elementary teacher myself, if handflapping was the worse thing that ever happened I would be very happy!!) I have never brought it up to our pediatrician, because i wondered if it was a stage he was going through. He is very energetic and loves imaginative play, playing outside, riding bikes, the usual stuff a boy is into. He plays games onling at pbskids, and will get excited about what’s happening and flap. This is when he flaps the most.
He is very affectionate and makes eye contact. The only time he doesn’t want to make eye contact is when I have to talk to him about any innappropriate behavior. But he always wants to sit right next to me or his dad, and likes to give hugs and kisses. He always makes eye contact when he wants my attention, and when I say his name to get his attention.
I might bring it up to my pediatrician at his 5 year visit just to see what he says. I personally am more concerned about him being a good person, respectful and friendly with others, and giving his best in anything he does rathar than whether or not he will flap his hands the rest of his life. He was born 2 months premature, so if don’t know if this would affect it? He is bright and catches on fast, knows his alphabet and sounds and is beginning to read, can count to 20, loves patterns, and the only thing his preschool teacher has told us is that one day he had a hard time listening to the teacher and we talked to him about it and he’s been doing fine.
He is a very happy boy and I’ll keep you posted on anything else that happens with us! And a special thank you to the people posting who have been hand flappers their whole lives! I appreciate your stories and thank you for helping all the rest of us get over ourselves and understand more!!
I’m so happy to read all of the wonderful “hand flapping” stories. My grandson is just turning four and also has been flapping, jumping and has the open mouth and excited eyes since he was a baby. He knows when it is coming on, because if we are watching a movie in bed and it’s getting exciting, he sits up on his knees. I say “watch out, he’s getting into position”, and we have to dodge the flying arms.
He has a great imagination and is very intelligent, creative and 150% boy! He’s very aware of his flapping and is not embarrassed by it at all. He says that he’s “so excited!”. We think it’s adorable and very fitting to his happy, excited, affectionate personality.
We also catch people looking when we’re in public and we respond by saying “that’s what he does when he’s really excited”. We’ve talked to him alittle about other options when he’s in public but never try to make him feel embarrassed. Sometimes if we tap him to ‘break the spell’ he just tells us to stop because he likes doing it. I’ve read many stories from adult “flappers” and they say you learn when to control it, so we’re not worried. I think it needs to be made clear to his teachers when he starts school that he’s not “different” for flapping, just very expressive!
I was so relieved to read all these comments. I always thought I was the only person who did this and I was crazy…. It is very difficult to describe the joy , creativity and immense physical pleasure that comes with hand flapping or any other ‘stim’ behavior. I flapped, in private, from the age of 2 to the age of 12 when I made a conscious decision to stop because it was interfering with my life and I sensed it was somehow “wrong.” Resisting the urge to flap was as physically painful as……..I can’t even think of a good analogy. Once you stop you can’t go back….it’s like like locking a door. Flapping and my other self stims don’t transport me into another world anymore.
I wish I could to say that I have a totally normal life, but that would be a lie. Things are not going well. I am unemployed and have no friends at the present. I don’t even get pleasure from daydreaming/fantasy anymore. My psych says I don’t have Aspergers or ADD, so I don’t have a clue……I had all the early intervention in the world as a child and it was singularly ineffective as I am nowhere near being a normal person. I can’t seem to keep a job or succeed at anything….I’m 28 years old for chirstsake and I live with my parents. I think they would be better off if I died.it’s a cliche but in this case it’s true.
Oh, I forgot to answer the original question. What should you do about the hand flapping….I would suggest trying to transform the flapping into something more socially acceptable like playing with a rubber band or a paperclip, a soft blanket, or even drumming her fingers on a desk top. Perhaps this tactile awareness can be channelled into sculpture or painting…or she could flap with hands in her pockets… Just some thoughts. The orginal post is almost four years old. How’s your daughter doing now?
Fish,
Don’t be so hard on yourself….I’m in my mid 30’s, and plenty of my friends have lived with their parents to regroup. My son flaps, and I see the challenges he might face when he gets older as he has trouble focusing and staying on task. But that is no reason to give up hope. I know in that beautiful imagination of his (and yours) there is an indescribable talent. Look into Stereotypic Motor Disorder and look up Dr. Roger Freeman. I believe his paper offered the most insight into what my son (and possibly you) experience. You may want to contact him.
There are so many wonderful non-conventional ways to live your life. Explore. Volunteer! Get outside as much as possible.
I wish you the best!
Hi Fish.
I’m glad you posted. It’s amazing that 4 years have already passed since I posted this. Since then more than 43,000 people have read this page and who knows how many more will read it in the future. Your insight and personal experience is invaluable and extremely helpful to understanding what my daughter may be going through now and in the future. She was diagnosed with “mild autism”/likely Asperger’s 5 years ago but she has since progressed significantly to the point where it seems wrong to label her as such. She still has challenges though. Socially, she is getting by but it can be difficult and confusing for her sometimes (as for many others too). She still flaps and appears to need to flap but tries to hide it as much as possible. Your comment has reaffirmed my belief that it is nothing that should be stopped. I’m sorry you are unable to benefit from it anymore. I guess that makes you like all the “normals” from that perspective.
You sound depressed and I hope it’s not too serious. I battled depression for a long time but I believe I am over it thanks primarily to the book Feeling Good by David D. Burns and support from a decent doctor. Another book called Mind Over Mood might also be useful. When I was depressed everything was crappy and hopeless and magnified. I had very little motivation to do anything and was just going through the motions (almost anyone who knows me would be surprised to know that). Please believe that you can change the way you think and you can feel better and although things may not seem to be going your way right now nothing is permanent. Meeting people and opportunities for a life change have come to me in strange, unexpected, and unplanned ways. The scripted, fairy-tale life that many people expect or believe to be normal is more myth than real. No one has a perfect life and everyone has some cross to bear so don’t be fooled by appearances. Things can change. Don’t give up hope.
It’s hard to know what effect various interventions or supports have had on my daughter. You may think whatever interventions you have had has done nothing for you as you didn’t end up being a “normal” person as you say but have you ever thought where might you be without them? It’s an impossible question to answer but the point is that maybe you unfortunately started the race well back in the pack but thanks to your parents you didn’t stay there. Perhaps you should shed the idea of what a “normal” person is because frankly everyone is peculiar. It’s a matter of degrees.
Thanks Amy and Aspiring. Both of your posts helped me more than I say. I’m volunteering now and getting outside more, thanks to you Amy.
Aspiring I’d like to read more about your daughter and your journey together. Do you have a new blog?
I’m with u every step of the way, I’m doing the same with my 5yr old son, purely cause I don’t want cruel kids to pick on him
my son has been flapping his arms since eight months old he does it alot when he has a toy in hid hand it looks kinda like he is just playing,his kindergarten teacher and myself have been noticing him do it more but happens alot when he gets excited.he does this about 50+ a day the Dr said its his imagination a year ago now i showed him vidto of him doing it,now he thinks its mini seizures. idk ehat to think i have searched up on autism the only symptom is the flapping.he has to go see a neurologist. what do u all think.please need
My daughter has Down Syndrome and is 5 years old, she tends to use small books, sticks, leaves and gets transfixed and stares whilst flapping or twisting or holding the item (doesn’t usually flap without an object) sometimes between just her 2 middle fingers and twisting things around with her wrist, she can do this for ages, especially noticeable when at home or if left in the playground at school. She gets very upset when we take the item away – but it gets so annoying as left to her own accord its all she does and wondering and stressign how ingrained the habit is becoming. I feel exhausted as I have to often break her out of the behaviour to model play sequences. She also excessively grinds teeth – but I think this is hugely down to her chronic sinus infections – any diet advice? or similar experiences? we have seen an OT who has identified sensory issues – which we are tackling, but not sure if it helping much.
My boy gavin walz is a flapper. We try to joke around and make him feel good. I tell him that he can fly us to disney world
Please help my son is going to turn 6 and everything u have benn saying about your child describes mine if you would like to guide me I feel lost as I’ve been told by a lot of ot they really don’t know how or why this starts and like you said I want the best for our children to be able to stop thisi would like to get intouch with mother that are going through this to help each other guide out children. My cell 7144726779
If either of the above three treatments worked please let me know.
I’m in my late thirties, undiagnosed but extremely likely to be Aspie..
I handflap when I’m happy and excited.. for me, happiness and excitement is a powerful (and fabulous) surge of joy, and jumping up and down like a little kid, hand flapping, a higher voice are natural forms expressing that glee :)
And people seem to be completely fine with it, my authentic, unrepressed excitement and enjoyment of something appears to be infectious :)
(I can’t guarantee this, but I get far more shared crinkly eyed smiles and shared moments with even strangers being authentic than I did when I tried to hide it)
When I repress the behaviours, the inauthentic nature of my actions is extremely obvious (as I’m pretty much transparent) and the effort in stopping my body moving in it’s natural expression looks.. well, very weird :)
I think the OP is coming from a beautiful place :)
perhaps also look at partial disclosure? (when I’m happy I ‘xxx’…) Or mindfulness ? (which is more beautiful, less self-criticising than monitoring)
And to remember that to deny this happy, innocent, expression of glee can make the flapper ill and also behave in a way that gains more negative feedback than the flapping itself (or at least that’s been my experience!)
Thankyou for such a loving, supportive post,truly lovely to hear :)
And sorry if I missed a post which dealt with these bits already, there’s obviously been such a great response to the article there were too many for me to read in the time I had!
xx
I have a 4.5 year old son who started flapping his hands at about 6 months old. Every additional 6 months or so, the flapping would “morph” into another form of stereotyped behaviours (i.e. flexing arms, fingers with mouth wide open, full arm flapping while running and pacing, extending and stiffening legs, rotating his wrists and lots of eye-hand peering etc… etc….). He tends to do it more when he is getting sick, or is sick, But, regardless, it happens all the time. He is an amazing boy and we love him dearly and we have struggled for 4 years regarding how to support him. We have tried weighted vests, but he hated it and we felt guilty (albeit, it did help a little bit). We have tried providing a name for it “your body is really busy” and providing alternatives i.e. breathing, clenching fists, using stress balls, lots of proprioceptive input (that also helps a little). In the end we always struggle about how to support him with this without destroying his self esteem. He is too young to fully understand the scope of how this will affect him socially…..and it will….there is no doubt about that. We feel like hypocrites….valuing the unique abilites in all of us and then trying to get him to STOP (or at least manage) this expression. He does it when he is excited and nervous and overstimulated. He is going to be assessed this Wednesday for Autism. He will either get Aspergers or PDD-NOS diagnosis. I feel for all of you and empathize with all of you. My son is AMAZING and I am so afraid that others won’t see past the “behaviour”. We just have to remember that a happy child, is a child who loves and accepts him or herself. Changing- stopping-minimizing or ignoring the “behaviour”….in the end, it is your child’s call and we must support them in their decision. There is no easy answer here……I wish there was.
I have ADHD and Dyscalculia also Asperger’s Syndome
I am 29yrs old and I’ve been flapping for God knows when. I do it when I’am excited or when I need illumination on something. As I do it I go into deep meditation and the result are beyond words. When I was young, I tried stopping it because I saw myself as wierd. People looked at me funny and my family members were embarrased by it. But as time went on, I saw it and still see it as an integral part of me. Anytime I’am in flapping mood, I am in bliss
I have learned SO much from this post, thank you Aspiring Dad and all of the personal and intimate testimonials from all of you, it literally moves me to tears. I am a 27 year old father of one. My daughter is 2 1/2 years old and has flapped almost since the day she was born. I have always (and I mean always) had an inherent need to be occupied or I get incredibly fidgety, but not uncontrollably so. I’ve been a smoker for about a decade (outdoors only, never around my girl, for all the health-conscious moms out there screaming at their screens), and I’ve noticed that my occasionally annoying tic-like behavior is much the same as the nervousness associated with a nicotine craving, so I never connected the possibility of a genetic link between the two behaviors. I always feel the need to be flipping a coin, playing with a pen or a lighter, or even “air-typing” to keep myself busy, especially in anxiety-provoking situations. Wondering if my toe-kicking finger-tapping is the same essential need that my daughter has for constant physical stimulation. My wife has no family history of any of these disorders, but our daughter has two very young cousins recently diagnosed as autistic, so it’s opening our eyes to a world we never really delved into.
We don’t think it’s any of the autism spectrum disorders, or at least not progressed to that point, and she doesn’t exhibit any other indicators. She has a lot of babble in her language, but has been doing incredibly well these past few months in picking up new language, identification and word association. She is practically reading herself to sleep, her ability to memorize books, lyrics and movies blows our minds every day.
My wife and I are still very concerned that the flapping could be an early sign of larger issues down the road. It seems like the descriptions of people with the same behavior my daughter is exhibiting (not exhibiting any out-of-the-ordinary facial expressions or any other tics, and no social difficulties, or obvious developmental issues), seem to turn out to be thriving, intelligent, socially active individuals. Aside from the social awkwardness of flapping, which it seems most people just accept as average behavior anyway, I don’t think her behavior is “wrong” or something to be forcibly stopped, but I’m wondering if anyone has suggestions that may lessen her compulsion without affecting her self-esteem.
She’s definitely doing the two-year old thing and demanding stuff she knows she can’t have, and freaking out when she doesn’t get everything she wants, but her learning capabilities don’t appear at all inhibited. I know mine certainly weren’t, but I don’t have any family left around to ask if I flapped as a baby or toddler.
I really liked the girl on here who said she never thought anyone would assume it to be anything but “quirky”, as that’s exactly what I always thought it was. Has anyone ever seen the movie While You Were Sleeping with Sandra Bullock? Her character flaps when she gets excited. I remember girls in middle and high school doing the same thing. The more I read, the more at ease I am with the whole thing, but I’d like to know if I should be on the lookout for any specific behavior as an indicator of something more serious.
Thank you all so much for your contributions.
hi this is mack ive been flapping since i was a baby i still flapp and im 9 years old it helps me clear my memory god bless you
Have you found anything that has helped your child to stop flapping? My 7 year old son has PDD-NOS. One major symptom is the arm flapping (mostly when he is excited or concentrates too hard on spinning objects). His doctors have always shown no concern and said he will grow out of it. However I do not see this happening any time soon. So far, he has not been picked on, but I do see that other kids stare and the adults do too. It breaks my heart for him. My goal is to get him to stop without making him feel abnormal and without medication. Kids can be more cruel than adults and I want to help him before he gets much older. I need help. Do you have any extra tips? Is OT what he needs? Please feel free to answer via my personal email. Thank you.
My son has been flapping since an early age. Our pediatrician also said that he would grow out of it. However, he is now 9 and stills flaps. Unfortunately, I have now witnessed other children making fun of him and it breaks my heart to think I could do something to spare him from such pain. I finally told my pediatrician that something has to be done to help him stop. After some thought, he recommended that at home my son wear a bracelet(s) with bells attached so that our son would notice when he is flapping. He also recommended a hypnotist. I am going to start with the bracelet idea and hopefully that will help. I have also talked with the hypnotist and she felt she could help stop the behavior. I will try to remember to post our progress with these two ideas, but also feel free to contact me directly in a month or so.
My heart goes out to you and your son. Kids can just be so cruel and often do so without knowing the full impact it has on our children. What makes me so mad is that my son (and probably yours as well) has not a mean bone in his body. I will track your progress with the bells. At this point, I feel that all we can do with our children is to teach them that everyone is different. I myself have to get over my embarassment for my son and simply love him and embrace him for all his wonderful qualities. As he ages, I will teach him to cope with others who are not so nice. Thank you and the best of luck to you!
Hi Katherine :)
It’s great that you want your son to flourish as he is, without medication, or making him feel abnormal, it must be hard to see him express himself in ways that could potentially lead to bullying, and great to recognise that he’s been accepted this far in his school career :) I suspect your support must have given him a sense of self-esteem, this can be a great protector in the playground! :) And it’s so hard for us as parents to think our little ones could have people being cruel to them because of the way they are (glasses, or hair type, or weight, or behaviours)
Flapping appears to be a normal behaviour for many people on the spectrum :) A natural part of the way we express ourselves..
I’m an undiagnosed Aspergers middle aged adult, and this developmental difference means I react to my emotions in ways that are unusual for an adult (I jump up and down, flap my hands, get a squeaky voice).
What I’ve found is that in the past, when I felt these behaviours were wrong rather than natural, I become ashamed, embarrassed, and my social interactions became uncomfortable for other people, I was bullied.
Strangely enough, I can only speak for my own experience, but people don’t seem to mind someone being genuinely excited about things, no matter how they express it, it’s infectious and joyful! (even at my age lol!)
I guess what I’m trying to say, is that by accepting all parts of my behaviour, understanding that they relate to my developmental difference,
learning to truly accept and love myself as I am (I’m still working on this lol!) and using mindfulness to adjust behaviours that affect social interaction negatively
(surprisingly it’s not flapping that’s the problem, it’s the lack of turntaking and warbling on about my special interest for hours that were bigger issues!), I’m coming to the point that I can see my developmental difference as just that, a difference, rather than something that prevents me from fully taking part in life.
Would it be worth talking to his school about their bullying policy to help set your mind at rest? Or perhaps looking into partial disclosures?
I’ve found those incredibly useful about other autistic spectrum traits, such as oversensitivity to sound, or not understanding social cues.. a simple ‘crikey, sharp noises really make me jump!’ makes my reactions seem natural, and something many people can relate to.
I’ve been reading Aspergers syndrome and anxiety, by Nick Dubin, and although much of it is aimed at the adult autistic reader, there are some really interesting and useful points about core beliefs, and maladaptive schema (he does go into it in real language too! And in fact it’s probably useful for most people to be honest!)
Basically, that the beliefs we form about ourselves when we are young, go deep into the core of our personality as we grow, and if negative (maladaptive), can lead to us having a view of the world that doesn’t allow us to reach our full potential (for example that we are too different to be accepted or to find a partner)
Another way of dealing with autism spectrum difference could be to look at differences that are strengths as well as differences that could be seen as too unusual….the focus, the genuineness, t
Gosh, that was a big ramble, sorry! The Nick Dubin book helped me to realise how growing up in an era when Aspergers was relatively unknown led me to hold erroneous views about my own capabilities to function in society.. I didn’t need to change, just build on my strengths and use mindfulness, and I can stay over-excitable, enthusiastic, flappy, me!
I wish you all the best with the support of your son, and all the best to him too!
xxx
Thank you so much for your helpful words in this matter. I have decided that I should embrace my son in every way. I love every part of him and I will not try to stiffle the flapping (as that is his only outlet). We will roll with the punches and always love him for who he is. People that choose not to accept him are missing out on a friendship with a great kid. Again, thank you so very much!
Oh I’m so glad!! I was so worried that I might offend you, I’m glad you understood what I was saying xxxx
The worst part of having the condition for me as a child was that no-one knew what it was.. no-one knew that my ‘oddities’ were completely natural for me. I was expected to behave in ways I simply couldn’t, and felt ashamed, embarrassed, in fact completely crippled by not understanding that I’m wired differently…..and that it’s okay :)
I spent my entire life struggling to change things that I can now embrace and love (my hearing sensitivities make toddler groups tricky, but make the music I create far richer!).
Once you accept the differences, you can find strategies to help you. (so for example, recognising that a certain kind of sound triggers adrenalin, I could be mindful, recognise that’s all it was, there was no threat, and relax myself.. )
Flapping is an external sign of this developmental difference, but I would imagine that some of the difficulties in reading social signs are more likely to lead to isolation and bullying than flapping in itself.
Friendship wise, I’ve always had people trying to make friends with me, despite my ‘oddities’ (or perhaps because of them!) but knowing the correct way to maintain friendships, and also a simple acceptance that people would want me as a friend, were beyond me without support (sadly, the last relates to the way I was treated by family as a child).
So yes, I don’t think the outward displays of the condition necessarily prevent friendship, but a lack of acceptance and support by loved ones might make it a more difficult journey than it could be.
Atwood’s aspergers ‘bible’ seems to have good strategies on bullying and how to support children with HFA/Aspergers/PDD-NOS in the school environment if you don’t already have it.
And from what I’ve seen, working with children, a happy child with robust self esteem is far less likely to be bullied, whatever disability or difference they have :)
I’m soo happy you want to accept your son with such joy and love for every part of who he is :)) You’ll be rewarded a million fold I think, I can’t imagine how much difference that would have made to me :) xxxxx
Good luck with every part of your journey, I’d imagine there’ll be tough bits, but it sounds as though you’ve got a fantastic place to start xxxxx
Dear all, it is so wonderful of you to reply
I have a question for NothingsWrongwithMe,
My son flaps sideways like a duck while he is running in park, his body is not alternating while running, ie left hand forward, right leg behind like any typical kid. And this is raising a lot of eyebrows, it was funny when he was 1 0r 2. Also i read brain will not develop if you run this way. Please help in correcting this. This might be a question to the OT’s out here too.
Thank U
Dad.
I would simply suggest getting out and running with him. Show him the ropes. Practice makes perfect. Us Dads can never get too much exercise.
Hi Dad:
My five year old (with autism) used to run exactly as you describe your son running. He has suffered from fairly severe motor planning problems since a very young age. Don’t know if what I’m about to suggest is the answer for your son, but it helped mine tremendously. I had my son’s reflexes evaluated (primary infant reflexes form the basis for all future motor skills from crawling, walking and running to grasping, pushing and pulling and so on . . .). When those reflexes don’t develop and integrate properly (or the process is disrupted by some sort of trauma), people’s brains and bodies find ways to work around the problem and come up with alternative ways to move (which are always less efficient because our bodies are meant to move in certain ways). We used a program called MNRI (Musgatova Neuro-Muscular Reflex Integration–I know, a mouthful!). First, my son’s reflexes were assessed (every single one of them was pathological) and then we were given a protocol to follow at home which consisted of us physically “re-patterning” his reflexes. The method looks alot like massage and doesn’t take too long to do. After 6 months, as my son’s reflexes became normalized and better integrated , he stopped running “sideways like a duck” and developed a normal running gait. It was actually remarkable to watch . . . I should add that he also finally developed a grasp, was easily able to raise his arms over his shoulders (something very difficult before), among many, many other things that he either did “oddly” before or couldn’t do at all–despite years of OT. No offense to the OTs out there! It’s just that if primary infant reflexes aren’t properly integrated first, no amount of OT is going to help . . . Reflexes must be integrated properly first.
There are quite a few different reflex integration programs out there and some nice info on the net. Again, not sure if this is the answer for you, but it definately helped us.
Interesting thread here. I’m a 33-year-old male, and I have done this since I was at least 5 (at least as far as I could remember). For me, it is mostly clenching the fists, twisting the fingers (sometimes flapping depending on how deep in thought, etc.), and grimacing in a trance-like state. Most of the time I do hold my breath as well.
You do, over time, learn to control when and where you do it. I believe I only did it once in school in which I got caught by my first-grade teacher who asked “what I was doing?” I “believed” I was able to cover up by saying I was playing with a tissue in my desk. I doubt, in hindsight, that that passed though. Most of the time I did this at home. My parents, siblings and babysitters noticed mostly. My parents would basically call me out of it, and I would feel embarrassed. As a child, I was brought to behavioral counselors and neurologists. I’ve had an EEG test done. And always the conclusion was that there was nothing noticably wrong with me other than this behavior and impaired social skills. I was never formally diagnosed with any sort of disorder; Aspberger’s or otherwise.
I guess this is how I learned to control where and when I would do it. The fact that I learn when and where to do it, as opposed to just stopping, leads me to believe that it’s something that you never really grow out of. It’s like a compulsion; a very strong compulsion. And it’s relaxing (and I suppose euphoric) when you finally succumb to that compulsion. There’s a lot of credibility in all of these stories throughout this thread. Daydreaming and thinking have a lot to do with it as well as stressful situations. With daydreams and thoughts, it kind of helps create, establish and organize thoughts and ideas into whatever landscape you desire. With stressful situations, it seems as if it’s more of a release. As if you’re channeling all the unwanted emotions and feelings as a response to the stressor through these actions as opposed to lashing out in an inappropriate manner (I’m not trying to say whether this behavior is appropriate or not…just that when it’s done privately it beats throwing a temper tantrum or making some sort of scene). And this being a possible learned response to stress as a result of some early childhood traumatic experience is definitely plausible as well.
What would be interesting to know is if there may be some sort of link between this behavior and the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and seratonin. This would definitely help explain the compulsion and the resulting relaxation/euphoria which results once this compulsion is acted upon. Food for thought.
Nowadays, I am social. I can understand and interpret social cues from others. I can engage conversation. I can make eye contact. I can engage in an ongoing dialogue. I’m certainly not Mr Popular, but I do get along with friends, neighbors and coworkers. I have had relationships with the opposite sex; some long term, some otherwise. I really don’t know too many people who absolutely love and get along with everyone. That in itself seems kind of odd. However, I was definitely socially awkward throughout my childhood and teenage years. It actually took me moving out away from home for me to really experience the world and absorb the many lessons that come with varying forms of social interaction. I may not be perfect to this day, but I do feel confident in who I am to not give a sh*t if others may not find me in their favor. The important thing is accepting yourself for who you are and just riding it to the apocalypse.
Anyhow, I consider myself a fairly high functioning adult. I have a master’s degree. I work in government. And I’ve been taking care of myself since I was 18 (16 if you consider taking all your responsibilities squarely on your shoulders despite living at home). I believe these are fairly respectable attributes and no real cause for concern.
If I can offer any kind of advice, I’d say: don’t instill any sense of shame or embarrassment; instead, try to encourage the behavior in private settings rather than in public. And when discussing this, do so in a loving, compassionate and understanding manner.
I hope this helps.
My son is 7, and totally awesome. He was diagnosed with Autism and began therapy at an early age. His communication with us, his sister, and peers has increased tremendously, however, he still has a hard time answering questions requiring an explanation, which includes everything short of a “yes” or “no” answer. With that said, so has his stimming, which mostly consists of hand flapping, and loud coo’ing.
It doesn’t take a genius to know that stimming helps deal with whatever emotion they are going through at that specific time, good or bad. Why take that away?
I suggested to him, during a stimming sesh one day, to try tapping his fingers together. The results were comparable to that of a smoker trying to substitute a cigarette with a piece of gum. He giggled when at the suggestion, stopped flapping, and tried it, then went straight back to flapping. His sister worked with him a little bit for a couple days, consistently. Clearly this substitute did nothing for him.
The next morning, he was pretty upset about having to go to school. He was frustrated, and in a bad mood. He started flapping really bad, for about 20 seconds straight, before I calmly suggested he try tapping his fingers together.
“DAD, STOP TELLING ME THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” In the loudest voice I have ever heard him use.
A few minutes later I asked him “Do you like flapping?”
“Yes.”
“Does it make you feel better?”
“Yes.”
“Ok buddy, flap as much as you want, but just don’t fly away on me.”
“Ok Dad.”
I LOVE that! How wonderful to read it! You’ve completely understood :) It’s enjoyable and something that is expressive or soothing. We’re bombarded by sensory stimuli that overload our systems, tired from trying to understand social information that doesn’t come naturally to us.. and these things help keep us happy and sane!
Just as a thought, have you looked into EFT (tapping)?
Might be useful as he gets older or even now, I’ve heard people doing it with 4 year olds!
Autism seems to have anxiety as a consistent backdrop (makes sense after all;) and you can use tapping points on your hand to work through your anxieties.
It usually uses points on the face, but the hand points would be what you were getting at, a hideable alternative, but rather than being a replacement physical act it’s a way with dealing with the feelings that could cause you to self soothe in the first place..
I’m not an expert at all, but you start off exploring the feelings as they’ve turned up, accepting them and yourself with lots of love :), and then move it forwards and transform it, open it up..kind of helps you get to what’s actually worrying you if you see what you mean….
helps move us away from black and white thinking.. and is probably a more subtle way of dealing with anxiety than rocking, which is what I’m doing at the moment! (well, I’m alone in the house after all…)
Apologies for rambling, only really wanted to say how fabulous your response is :))))))
“But just don’t fly away on me.”
Love it.
I’ve just seen this article. For some reason it’s taken me 24 and a half years to look into this, and my family never took me the doctor when I was little, but from about 1 (according to my mum) I started “flapping” my parents didn’t think anything of it, and when I was old enough to realize what I was doing was “not usual” they told me other people do it, just not in public….so I was taught to do it in private, which I still do. I learnt to stop myself in front of people, I live with my partner and he has no idea what I do. I never thought much of it, but i’ve suffered with depression and anxiety for years, and it’s particularly bad at the moment, so I find myself “flapping” more often during these spells. I was always told I had an “over active imagination” which seemed like a good way of describing this, because it always seems to come from…having just too much in my head that it over spills and when I flap i can imagine having control, and seeing things go how I want them to. I don’t know any other forums or people to discuss this with, so I was wondering if any of you knew anywhere or any sites for me to look at to look into this more? Could I be slightly autistic? or have aspergers? I tend to be slightly socially awkward and slight OCD but never linked any of it. please can any of you help?? xx
Rosebud,
The common diagnosis is “stereotypical movement disorder” (SMD). OCD is sometimes correlated with SMD. I would read through all of the posts on this forum. My son flaps, and it has provided me with a deeper understanding of what is going on in his head, and given me reassurance that he is not alone, nor is it necessarily a bad thing. There is also yahoo group that was started a while back.
There is a fellow named Dr. Singer who studies SMD and can answer additional questions. I believe he lives in Vancouver.
I hope you find more information that helps you, but I know through reading this post and seeing my son that anxiety can cause an increase in flapping, so the more you can find peace with yourself, the better handle you will have on it.
Best wishes to you!
This is truly helpful. I am just starting to find out about hand-flapping because my son is doing this more frequently when he is too excited. He is 20months and we asked him to be assessed at 19months. He failed the “normal” development assessment and got so many “red flags”. And the doctor asked us to have another evaluation after 2 months. We had the assessment not because of hand flapping but because he has a delay in speech. Can’t form real words yet at 19months.
My little boy is sweet, happy and very cuddly. We are still observing him and helping him out to be more sociable especially with kids. He’s more sociable with adults because he grew up around us. But he’s not consistently looking at his name yet when he’s called.
After the assessment, part of his therapy would be strictly NO TV, which we think one of the main culprits why he became passive. And also, we let him play with other kids his age. He’s progressing fast. However, we noticed that he can’t get enough of hand-flapping, which we didn’t know was one one of the signs, and since we allow him to play with other kids now, other parents would notice.
After reading tons of articles about ASD, we just realized that hand-flapping is one of the things that we should watch out for. I became more sensitive to his movements after the assessment, I think to the point of paranoia.
To make it look usual (the flapping), we just say, “oh he just gets so excited and since we do not allow him to bite playmates that’s his way of shaking off his biting bouts. Difficult, but I personally spend a lot of time researching and reading. Sometimes everything overlaps.
But the most comforting thing that I have found in the journey, which I’d rather believe, than be boxed up with ASD, is to realized that my son is a Crystal Child. (http://www.starchildren.info/crystal.html). After reading this, I gained an inner peace and dropped medical theories at this time. And my son beautifully progresses day by day. Hand flapping is still there and it still bothers me at times. But I’m more excited to see how he will bloom as a Crystal Child. Now I truly understand that he is not the only one.
Reading your article and the comments comforts me a lot especially because I am just starting my journey with my little boy.
My beautiful, creative, and “normal” child flaps when she is excited or imagining things. She goes up on her tippy toes and wiggles her fingers too. She occasionally grimaces. Mostly, though, she flaps. The other behaviors peaked about a year ago and have since tapered a bit.
Her dad is an artist and a writer and I feel she may have a bit of his talent. I love her flapping–it is part of who she is and it is a joyful experience for her. I wouldn’t dream of stamping it out. She is 3 years old and is a bit ahead of her age group in many areas (reads many sight words, is adding small numbers, etc). She is quirky, but really seems to be ok socially. I work with children with special needs and am pretty sensitive to red flags. I am looking at this as a positive trait…something indicative of creativity and her wild imagination.
Why would anyone want to take that away?
Hi ASpiring Dad,
I am counting the date when you posted this and I assume that your dear girl is now around 9 years old? Almost 10? How is she doing right now? Did they really declared her as ASD? I wonder a lot about this because in search for an answer, I arrived at this page: http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/neurology_neurosurgery/specialty_areas/pediatric-neurology/conditions/motor-stereotypies/symptoms.html (Primary Motor Stereotypies). Because I couldn’t accept the fact that “hand-flapping” alone would make my boy ASD. I read thru it and I believe that he has the symptoms. Good, because this happens to “normal” babies but challenging because there is still no cure until now.
After almost a month of NO TV and mingling with other kids, my 20 month old boy’s speech improved already as well as his social skills. He’s such an affectionate boy. We’re just so becoming paranoid with labels.
I’m dying to know your girl’s present situation. :)
Hi Virginia,
In search for answers, I am so delighted to see your post. I just thought that this thread is inactive already. You are right, red flags do not always mean a sure indication specially with children who develop differently. Honestly, this is only the beginning for me. I felt I was even compelled to start a blog (momofseraphim.blogspot.com) to find and solicit all possible answers and help a lot of parents like me. I don’t know how it will go.
But I started… I just want to help. In my heart I feel that somehow I was given this beautiful boy to be able to realize that people are somehow interconnected (regardless of geography). I hope I could communicate with you and the likes of you more.
Hi,i have been hand flapping and face grimacing for my entire life.i am 29 now..when i was first time video recorded (age 8) doing it and my parents and other people saw the video…was the first time i understood that must be strange..but my great parents never ever tried to stop me or tell me that something is wrong ..but i decided that maybe in front of others they feel ashamed of my flapping… then i was able to do it only when alone or with my little brother..he is still today the only person with who i can do it…i have an intense imagination and the ability of abstract thinking (tested in school)..i am an music artist have a full time job and for other people completely sane…have a girl and everything is normal for me…when i am alone and happy about even little thing my body goes in flap mode and the brain on a journey which i have no words to describe..like a trance and it feels great…like a compressed happiness in a fast intense mode…dont take away this from your children..actually if u want they will only thing bad of it and do it when alone..this is not something i do on purpose is like an instinct that operates when triggered with intense information…i could just write on on how amazing it feels…just thought to share my story with you mams and dads..just give them love and compassion…:)…Luka
My son is 16 and he hand flaps as well. I tend to disagree with the opinion that it is due to excitement. My son did it when he was two days old, and we thought it was a seizure. When I asked the pediatrician about it, he said it wasn’t a seizure, but he didn’t know what was causing it.
I seriously don’t think anyone knows what causes it, including my son that does it. He too said it was due to excitement, but he cannot control it, and doesn’t know why he does it. He does it even when he isn’t excited though and again, he did it when he was two days old. I believe that it is something neurological, and it is something that people need to accept. The nerves make up a very complex system, and there are simply things that even neurologists don’t understand, but regardless of what anyone says, including the children that do it, I can assure you it is something neurological.
I try to stay connected with the post from this site but I must admit, I’ve not read all of them. My question, has anyone observed their child needing certain items or fiction characters when stimming. My grandson has certain items that must be in front of him while flapping. I think he is aware and knows he must do it…we try and give him his time. He is the sweetest, active in sports, social, excelerated math classes and well rounded kid I know. I would love to hear from the older kids if they needed certain objects to flap in front of. My daughter has lightly talked about his flapping with his doctor but it has been dismissed as he will outgrow it. I try to observe and not say anything…is this wrong?
My son was misdiagnosed as having Asperger’s syndrome. Just cos he hand-flapped, the incompetent psychiatrist pegged it as that. A few years later, we found out that it was dyspraxia. Kids with dyspraxia hand flaps too.
My son does it when he is excited, thrilled or overjoyed. So I’m not going to stop it.
Our son who is seven Now has done the hand flapping for quit some time and We have thought the same should We stop him and why should We stop him. Do We want to try or would We make me feel like he is doing something wrong? We have tried telling him to clap his hands. That did not work. I would spend all day telling him to clap his hands and to be honest it gets old. And plus did not work. We have not tryed anything eles. We just let him flap his hands .but maybe We should address this again. Thank you for sharing this.
I love this site – so many wonderful stories have been shared! My five year-old is a hand-flapper/jumper, and my three year-old is a finger/hand wiggler (like she is conjuring up some magic). They do these activities when they are intensely focused on something that brings them joy or excitement, like a doll they love or listening to music. My three year-old does it a lot while riding in the car, as she is looking out the window at things passing by. My husband and I make light of it and just say “you’re going to fly away, little bird!” and “are you casting a spell, fairy princess?” It is clearly an activity they are oblivious to unless it is pointed out. We might say “Oh my, are you excited?” and they will just laugh and say yes. I personally love these unique qualities about my daughters, and have never discouraged it, but can tell they are surprised when it is pointed out and usually will stop the behavior. It seems like a very personal and soothing activity, and normally happens only when they are playing by themselves. I worry about the social impact, as my older daughter is starting school this fall, but again don’t want to discourage or make her feel like it is wrong. Both my daughters are bright and do well at daycare and in other social settings. Thanks again for all the information!
I am so happy that I have found this page… I have searched for years how to help my flapper; he calls it “thinking”. He is now 13 years old, but has stimmed/flapped/thought since he started walking. He will pace back and forth sometimes up on his toes and always with a pencil up near his right eye with his left arm flapping. I used to be so scared that he would trip with the pencil by his eye. He also had major ‘rage’ attacks and OCD tendencies.
Before he started kindergarten, me and my husband tried to make him stop stimming so he would not get teased by the other kids… when he tried to stop for our sake, he ended up with a serious eye blink tic. His teacher thought we should get him tested for Tourettes Syndrome and so we did. They came back with a diagnosis of Tourettes and PDD.
Because I never believed in medicating such a young brain, I did hundreds of hours of research about all the different kinds of theories including yeast, methylation, and vitamin therapy. I ended up trying vitamins since I thought it would not hurt him and would likely be good since he is a picky eater. When he was about 9 years old, I started him out with a good multi-vitamin that was high in all of the B’s and Magnesium. Now I am not saying this will work for others, but my son’s tics and OCD tendencies were dramatically lessoned and his rage issues all but disappeared within about a month. But the stimming sadly had not been changed at all.
Since then, I have added Omega 3, which did not seem to do anything, but I still give it to him since I am sure it is good for him and he does not fight me on taking it. And now, just in the last couple of months I have added extra zinc to the mix (now a total of 25 grams a day). Now I am not sure, but I think it may have helped the tics and OCD even more.
Still though no help with the stimming; but now after reading all of your posts, I have come to realize that I just need to accept him for how he is. He seems very happy now that all of the tics, anger and OCD are under control. He was never bothered by the stims anyway, that was always ‘my’ issue and now I feel like such a rotten parent for ever trying to make him stop.
sorry, meant to say 25mg (not grams) of zinc…. oops :)
My son is 6 years old and has aspergers. I noticed this article was written back in 2008 and im curious to know if you found a way to stop or minimize the hand flapping.
Your response is greatly appreciated:)
Stephanie W.
Hi
I need some advice. My daughter will hand flap when she is excited. She does not do it often. She also shakes her hands in front of her very fast when she is excited and is thinking and using her imagination. Again it is not too often. Is this something that corresponds to autism? Her teachers want to test her for ADHD as she is gets distracted very easily and does not follow directions too well.
Any advice would be welcome.
Thanks.
I’m so concerned that u stopped ot for ur son. The school should be supplying an ot for him. He should be on an I.E.P. and a sensory diet. My son is 12 and we saw seriously significant improvement with ot help!!! By age 10 it is more difficult 2 rewire their brain. Please advocate for ur child 2 receive ot at school!
Four months ago, I was put on Geodon, a pill which increases serotonin, because my psychiatrist interpreted the word “shaking” as tremors, and not as hand flapping. The Geodon has helped tremendously, although I still need to put in a personal effort to control hand flapping. I don’t know why it worked, and if it only works for me, but I thought it was worth putting in here.
I am curious… has using serotonin worked for anyone else? I had tried Tryptophan supplements for a short time with my son, and it ‘seemed’ to help the hand flapping, but it also seemed to make other hyperness and OCD type symptoms worse, so I stopped altogether. But curious what it has done to others? thanks!
Some would argue that both synthetic and organic vitamins work but i believe that we get more health benefits from organic vitamins.-
Please do check out our very own homepage
http://www.healthmedicinelab.com/cold-sore-stages/
Hi everyone: I am the mother of a 23 year old, college senior who got by with an ADD diagnosis until his College Disability Counselor called us because he was pacing the classroom hand flapping. This has been one long journey and I’ve made a few instinctive decisions as his mom and the most controversial decision was to ignore his early PDD diagnosis because he was so high functioning. As the academic content in his life becomes stimulating, he got excited about it and would flap away shocking many in his traditional classroom. Recently he started “play-dates” with the help of a friend to help him sort out all the rules of dating. These are not “pity dates” as some seem to refer to it – they help him manage the details around the dating scenario to help him cope better with it without hand flapping.
Another one of my instinctive decisions has been to add L-Carnosine supplement and a small dose of an anti-anxiety medication. He took 2000 mg of L-Carnosine for 10 days and then scaled back to 1000 for 10 days and then to 500 mg daily for the past 6 months. I believe it is doing wonders for him. The anxiety medication is to for the anx he had picked up when the “muggles” on the college campus gave him grief for being different. Time will certainly heal that.
I hope my experience will help some parent or child somewhere.
Dear “Mom”:
I have a five year old with HFA. What is the anti-anxiety med you are using? I’ve also wondered if an anti-depressant would help. My son is very verbal and he many times he will tell me, “Mama, I’m sad”. My son is still very young but I’m always thinking about the future. I’m so happy to hear about your son because I often wonder what life will be like for mine at that age.
DJ’s Mom
[…] […]
I’m 27, and a lifelong hand flapper. I do it when I’m thinking about something exciting, and it’s unconscious. When I was in elementary school, I often did it in public, but through high school and beyond, I have somehow been able to stifle it (subconsciously) so that it only comes out when I’m in private, or in more subtle ways (e.g. I sometimes catch myself shaking my hands lightly in my pockets). The students I grew up with in elementary school were surprisingly fine about it – they all just seemed to accept that it was part of who I am. I realize I may be lucky there! And then afterwards, I was able to stifle it in public, so I haven’t had many problems with it.
When I was a child, my mom was a bit worried and asked the doctor about it. He said “well, you’ll be able to tell when she’s excited then”. (Ha). Nothing further came of it, and my family was just supportive of how I am. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything related. Today, I’m healthy, well-adjusted socially, and enjoying working on my Master’s degree.
To the parents who are worried about their children hand flapping and want to stop it – unless it’s getting to be a real problem, just be supportive. This is a part of who your children are!
Thank you so much! I’m the mother of a 10 yr. old boy that has hand- flapped for as long as I can remember, as he grew older, I just assumed/ hoped that he would grow out of this bizarre behavior. Now, I ‘m really starting to worry about his future, but you give me such HOPE :) thank you
This design is incredible! You obviously know how to keep a reader entertained.
Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own
blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than
that, how you presented it. Too cool!
Terrific post however I was wondering if you could write a
litte more on this subject? I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Bless you!
Hi! This is the third time visiting now and I
personally just wanted to say I truley get pleasure from looking at
your blog. I decided to bookmark it at digg.com with your title: Understanding Hand-Flapping and
What To Do (or Not Do) About It ASpiring Dad and your URL: http:
//aspiringdad.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/understanding-hand-flapping-and-what-to-do-or-not-do-about-it/.
I hope this is all right with you, I’m making an attempt to give your good blog a bit more coverage. Be back soon.
Gday! This is the fourth time visiting now
and I personally just wanted to say I truley relish reading through your website.
I’ve decided to bookmark it at stumbleupon.com with the title: Understanding Hand-Flapping and What To Do (or Not Do) About It ASpiring Dad and your Web address: https://aspiringdad.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/understanding-hand-flapping-and-what-to-do-or-not-do-about-it/. I hope this is ok with you, I’m trying to give your fantastic blog a bit more publicity.
Be back shortly.
Wow! I’m truly enjoying the design and style of your website. Are you using a customized theme or is this readily available to all users? If you do not want to say the name of it out in the general public, please e-mail me at: eloise_boston@web.de. I’d
really enjoy to get my hands on this theme! Bless you.
Would you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources returning to your weblog:
I am going to aslo be sure to give you the proper anchor-text hyperlink using your website
title: Understanding Hand-Flapping and What To Do (or Not Do) About It ASpiring Dad.
Please be sure to let me know if this is acceptable with you.
Many thanks
My soon to be 5year old daughter does the hand flapping, mostly at night or whenever she excited or over happy.. I asked her why she keeps doing it and she just says “I’m too excited” she’s a bright kid very social, outgoing, and active, I don’t have any other problem with her she learns quick is organized, loves books and likes to arrange toys and other objects by color,.. Does hand flapping mean it can be autism?? I never worried about it, I thought it was normal she’s just excited and her aunt use to do it when she was a toddler too and she’s very smart never diagnosed with anything, but recently my mother-in-law pointed it out because she saw a little girl with autism hand flapping and now she’s concern and made me concern about it.. I need advice should I be concern? I’m confuse..
Hi mari!
You might want to check out SPD and Primary Motor Stereotypies. It would explain that hand flapping really occurs to non-autistic children as long as it not coupled with other symptoms. Not to worry. She’s 5 and she’s sociable. Clear signs that she’s not Autistic.
Cheers to your daughter :)
Mutya
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything but wanted to share a little more about my grandson. He has been flapping since he was a baby and is now 7 years old. My husband and I are living with him and his parents for about 4 months while our house is being built closer to them in their city. My grandson still flaps but does so when he is home. He always does it at the kitchen counter. He has an array of action figures that he brings out and stares at these while flapping. His mother ask him one day what he is thinking when he does this, he began to tell her a story. In his mind he sees the action figures doing things. They are either helping people or escaping from places that is all played out in his mind while flapping. I see that he is more in control of his flapping and only does it at home. He is a happy, social little boy that is smart and sweet. I was wondering if anyone else uses objects to stare at while flapping.
Sometimes, but not always, my 5 year old son will tune out everything around him when he flaps and stare ahead. It may be because he has an audio processing disorder also. He seems to do it more when he is tired. When I ask him what he is thinking about when he does this, he says “I don’t know”; so, I think it is a good sign that your grandson can tell you what he is thinking about. In some way, this may be how my son regulates himself and relaxes. When he does this, I let him do it for awhile but if it goes on past 5 seconds, I usually try to get his attention by calling his name. Once his attention is on something else, he usually stops flapping. Sometimes, I have to physically touch him before he snaps out of his “flapping trance”. Not sure if this is the best thing to do or not. I did get him checked for seizures thinking that he may be having these when he spaced out but, luckily, he does not have seizure activity. So, I guess you could say that my son stares when he flaps and tends to stare more when he is tired. I am not an expert on this by any means but some people on this blog who flap say that it enhances their creativity. Maybe he does it because he can “think” better and it may relax him. Others have said that they feel the physical need to flap (kind of like scratching an itch) but can do so at set times in private. It sounds like your grandson can control his flapping so that it is done in private which I think is a good thing so he will not be teased about it. Good luck!
Was slowly giving up hope of finding anything that would help me with a situation that I’m going through at the moment,until I came across this. Im not going to go into detail at present as I don’t think I can put it all into words without babbling on forever. I would just like to say a very big THANKYOU to the person who first started this off and to those that have commented since. As a result of finding this I have found a little bit of hope and strength that I had lost x.
I have a 13 yr old son who used to ‘flap’ for a number of years. I think it started when he was a toddler and I can’t even think when he stopped doing it (I hope he hasn’t stopped for us). We never thought anything of it…just that he was excited or nervous and it was just ‘him’. Recently, a friend who is an experienced educator involved in special needs and had heard me talking about my son’s ‘flapping’ and knows him well put 2 and 3 together and came up with more than 5!! She told me about the signals of autism , and specifically aspergers, many of which my son displays. He is gifted in many educational areas but challenged when it comes to socialising with others….I spend many nights awake and in tears wishing it could be the other way around. Tonight I thought I would ‘surf’ around to try and find some information….which brings me here!
I’m not sure where I will go next but I thank the courageous perople who have spoken here as you can only help others. I just hope that my ignorance has not already harmed my son beyond repair.
Leah
This seems to be such a common issue, which comes as a little bit of a relief – but any time your precious child exhibits behavior out of the “norm,” it can be a little concerning. Can anyone clarify whether or not this habit would fall under behaviors associated with autism, Asperger’s or adhd? I think I need to know where to begin doing my research (apart from this blog) and how best to begin a conversation about hand flapping with our 8 year old son. Thanks for your insights! Look forward to hearing more…
My five year old flaps his hands a lot. He calls it his “excited.” I thought he was doing it sometimes when he wasn’t excited to I asked him about it. As it turned out he was thinking about something exciting. He is always telling himself stories in his head that get him worked up. I did not say a single thing to him about his flapping until this past year, but now I ask him what he was thinking that made him flap. He always has an answer. His inner life is very exciting and I’m always interested to hear about what is getting him going and it’s helped to connect his hand movements to his thoughts and not see them as happening to him or out of his control. I have also started flapping my arms and my boyfriend does it too. It actually feels good. It’s like communicating energy directly without words. We all flap now.
I was just watching a video of Joe Cocker singing “With a Little Help From My Friends” and instantly noticed he had something in common with my son – his hands flapped in the same way during emotional parts of the song. When my son looks out the window and sees the wind wishing through the branches, causing them to move about, his hands flap and the look on his face shows he is having a large emotion – just like Joe Cocker. There are other occasions this happens – and yes, he has been placed on that so called “spectrum” and gets OT etc. The “experts” write that the goal is to “extinguish” this hand flapping behavior. In my opinion, this is a dangerous path and it comes from entrenched ignorance of a failed psychiatric establishment. From my point of view, hand flapping is a gift. All of us should have emotions that cause such a physical response! Extinguishing hand flapping is like saying to the child “don’t have large emotions and show them.” So I say, be very careful and follow your common sense about this. Don’t let the labels like “sensory integration dysfunction” or any other such language through you off.
David Di Gregorio
Supervisor of Library Media Services
My 6 year old has been doing a hand motion – not sure it is what you calling “hand flapping” – where she rapidly clinches and unclinches her fists, both hands going at once, with her arms dropped down by her side. We have not had her officially tested. She’s been doing it every since she was a toddler. Does it when she’s happy, excited, and when she is concentrating very hard on something (has a book in front of her or working a puzzle). We had a neurologist tell us that because she “comes out of it” too quickly – when you call her name, she immediately stops and asked “What?” – that it is nothing more than a nervous movement due to what she has been through. When she is doing this action, which has toned down in frequency since our adoption became final, we simply say her name. When she looks at us, we will hold up one hand, fingers spread apart, and now don’t need to say anything because that has become our “sign” and she realizes what she is doing and attempts to stop. We also encourage her to HOLD the book in her hands instead of laying it on the table in front of her to help keep her “busy hands”, as she calls them, full.
Hello my 4 year old daughter does this ALOT amd I mean alot wether shes excited nervous or jist sitting there I’ve noticed her face changes when she does this amd I dont know why im very concerned dont know what to do
My nearly 5 year old daughter also flaps her arms, and some time jogs in place as well. She even does it when she is happily watching her favorite shows or when she get excited. She will sometimes also bang the table when she is eating dinner, then complain that her hand or finger hurts. She has also started hitting her friends recently. She knows her letters, numbers, loves to read, talked early, is low tone and gets OT & PT. I dont know how to help her. She will start kindergarten in Sept, and I dont want her to get picked on or beat up.
I’m an adult and a Lifelong Hand flapper. As a child my parents would playfully tell me to quit my “chicken-winging.” To this day, they have no idea about stimming. To my knowledge, I’ve never been caught in public hand flapping. In my unguarded moments, ill flap as I daydream. It doesn’t affect my social life. I was never diagnosed ( this was the late eighties). It would have been more helpful if I was taught about eye contact, small talk, and networking, which affected me more as an adult.
If I was a parent , I’d handle a flapping child like me like this: I’d relax. Make me aware that most people don’t do it, but don’t put much effort in shaming me. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything and have as many strengths as weaknesses. If don’t fit neatly in any box or dysfunction, just a bit different. I’ll always be a bit of a clumsy social outsider, but I have enough friends to make me happy. I struggled a bit with career and females but even that’s coming around. There are upsides to being socially awkward, I never picked up any of the social vices of my peers: cigs, drugs, accidental pregnancies etc. School was easy, and college was too. He/ she will be okay as long as they have a loving home environment. If they do something a little odd, let them know but don’t lower their self-esteem over it. They’ll control their behavior to the extent they want to be normal as they get older. Until then, enjoy your unique, probably talented kid, and all his quirks.
My daughter flaps a lot as well but not as much in school. I dont think she had autism or asd. I noticed a lot of you parents say that your struggling with it but I dont see how. It happens to a lot of children and its hardly a struggle for the parents. I think its because it embarrasses you as the parent to have a child behaving in such a way. Get over your selves and let the children live..
It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this excellent blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to
my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will
talk about this site with my Facebook group. Talk soon!
Awesome blog! Do you have any helpful hints for aspiring writers?
I’m hoping to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything.
Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option?
There are so many options out there that I’m completely overwhelmed .. Any suggestions? Thanks!
My 13 yr old son is autistic. He’s gone through many different “stim” motions throughout his childhood. Right now when he’s happy, he flaps his arms above his head, rocks back and forth and hums. He will repeat this same motion as many times as he sees something funny or cool, if he listens to music that he really likes. He realizes what he is doing, but he doesn’t know why or how to change it. I think it’s just his way of doing a fist pump and saying “YES!” I am not am expert in autism, but I wonder what would happen if he was coached into doing something like doing the fist pump, would he change his behavior? Just a thought
I am curious to know if any children here had MMR vaccinations….
..
Mine did.
Thank u for such a great post. I have a son of 4 yrs who is also hand flapper (only while watching car wheels and more excited) non- autistic.
Hi my daughter is four and she flaps and has a n open mouth could this be austism.
Regards
Anne-Marie
Been about a year and a half since I posted here last. Little girl is just as happy and flappy as ever. 6-month old boy shows None of the same actions/”symptoms”. Our daughter is a very emotional creature, incredibly adept at memorization, song recognition, she’s even starting to help in the kitchen. She still flaps when she’s excited (and she’s excited a lot), but she has no problems making friends. Quite the opposite in fact, she thinks EVERYone is her friend! Time to start working with Stranger-Danger I suppose. The flapping does not negatively affect her in any way, and I realized that she will never ever have flabby arms! Somebody mentioned watching an old Joe Cocker video and noticing him getting a little flappy during moments in the song. I watched a few different performances of the same song, and what I found sortof blew my mind. Not like I had never seen any of these videos before, I just never watched them from this perspective, but Ol’ Joe has got to be the most famous flapper on the scene, and he’s been doing it for 50 years. Parents, take a moment out of your stressful busy busy lives, and give Mr. Cocker 5 minutes of your time. You’ll feel better, I promise.
My son is 2 and he has been hand flapping for the past 7 months or so. He was recently diagnosed with Autism. He babbles mamamama, dadadada, babababa, but has no actual words yet. He hand flaps and yells different vowels and some consonants when he is very happy and excited. I noticed that some of the posts mentioned concern over the social awkwardness of hand flapping when their kids were 6 or 7 years old. My son is 2 and his hand flapping is already looking socially awkward. I have noticed parents and children alike look at him a lot when he does it in his mommy and me class. Play dates are getting difficult, since he runs around the room yelling and flapping (since he is happy). During a playdate today, another kid went running to his mom saying “mom tell him to stop; he is too loud”! I want him to be free to express himself however he likes and feels the need to, but I also don’t want him to be an outcast. I don’t want to stop taking him to social gatherings with other kids, since I want him to be around other children. However, it already stands out at age 2! I really like the idea of replacing the behavior with another behavior that is socially more acceptable. The problem is that he doesn’t talk and his comprehension is not that good. So, it’ll be hard teaching him to change flapping for something else. I am just going to wait until he gets a little older so he has a better understanding of what he needs to do. Meanwhile, I have nothing but support for my son and have to figure out a way for myself to deal with the ‘looks’ and the reactions that I get from people, who probably know very little about Autism.
Finding this page really helped me see hand flapping from all different angles!
[…] that seem disconnected to one’s own body (read through comments here, it is very enlightening https://aspiringdad.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/understanding-hand-flapping-and-what-to-do-or-not-do-abo…). I believed, and still do, that flapping is a form of communication. I witnessed this myself […]
I am overjoyed to find this blog!
My daughter is almost 9 and has been a hand flapper for as long as I can remember. When she was a toddler I brought it up to her pediatrician who said it was fine and not to worry since she was not showing any signs of falling behind developmentally. So we left it at that and let her be herself. It doesn’t last longer than 10 seconds at most (I’m just guessing, it could be less) and only when she’s excited about something or daydreaming. I don’t think she even realizes she’s doing it unless someone points it out.
Once when she was in 1st grade, I pointed it out to her teacher, and asked if he thought it was an issue, but he had never noticed it. None of her teachers from pre-k till now (she just finished 3rd grade) have ever brought it to our attention as a concern.
We do try and keep her busy though. On weekends we go places or have her ride her bike outside instead of watching tv or playing video games. Ever since she was 4 she has been in either rec cheer, or other sports. She played soccer one year and we noticed she did it when she played goalie because she was daydreaming, but when she was done with her flutter, she went right back to paying attention to the game. She has also finished her 3rd year of fast pitch girls softball. We have seen her flutter once in awhile when she is getting ready to bat or when she plays outfield and forgets to focus.
One year we were concerned about her falling behind in math more than usual, but she worked really hard the next year and it turned out fine. This year she was part of a small group in her class to receive an award for doing so well in math and also received a student of the month award!
My point is, other than her “flutters” and a slight lack of focus sometimes, she is a totally normal child. The only other “quirk” she has is with really loud noises, but not all of them. The big one is toilet flushing in public restrooms, she’ll wait till she opens the stall door so she can quickly walk away after she flushes or she’ll cover her ears when she flushes, only in public restrooms though, not at home. Loud music she doesn’t mind at all, at weddings or other events with loud music she’s the first one on the dance floor and the last one off of it. Literally, she will dance the whole event if we let her. Her flutter stops if I place my hand delicately on hers, but I only do that if I need her to pay attention to something. Other than that, I let her flutter away if that is what makes her feel better. Socially she is great as well, she has many friends in school, and everyone tells us how well mannered she is and how she is such a joy to be around. She enjoys being around others and does not have issues with eye contact.
I am very interested to read some of these posts about flappers being highly creative. With summer just starting I am going to look into art programs and see if that stimulates her as well.
The flapping has been a constant her whole life and doesn’t seem to be “going away” as her pediatrician said it might, so unless she starts getting bullied for her behavior I will not intervene. If that does happen, my intervening will be with the school and the bully’s parents, my child will always be able to flutter whenever the mood strikes.
Aspiring dad- so glad I found your post! Thank you so much for sharing and I also thank Jane. My child has also been told by a counselor to try & find a different way to stim. I thought it was a ridiculous suggestion. I also can’t believe how perverted drs are by calling it sexual. Its taken me several searches with really different wording to find real info on hand flapping & the why’s. I was a flapper as a child & grew out of it so I’ve never seen it as a big deal- enter the counselor who tried to label my child as abnormal. What an idiot! I’m glad I ignored this person. I’m putting this link in my fav’s so I can refer others to this wonderful reassuring info & all the posts from other ‘flappers’ that can put parents at ease.
We’ve found with our 28 year old daughter that she only does hand flapping now when she is tired/stressed about something/or thinks no one else is looking (ie in private.) She can control the impulse and does when at her part time job but at home knows she can just be herself (ie flapping!). And to answer another person’s inquiry: Can a person have ADHD-autism. Yes. What that means is you have a child who has trouble focusing, can’t sit still, and does some of these distractible autistic-things which make it difficult to make friends at school and the rest of it. Online communication in forums based on a common interest can be a God-send though for adult ADHD-autisim’ers like our daughter. She finds she enjoys communicating using a microphone/and or texting with others and this is at least some kind of social interaction other than just with immediate family. It must have been extremely hard for people who had these things in the past when it wasn’t diagnosed and no real outlets for expression either. Good luck to you all, the whole thing is an ongoing challenge :)
Thank you ! All of you ! One time I asked my 8 year daughter why she flaps and runs, just a few feet back and forth and her response was, ” My wings are wet”. It was such a gentle and beautiful thing to say. I have never asked her to stop doing it or to control it in any way. She does this only at times of extreme happiness. She is always very excited and happy at play when she does this. Sometimes its in response to having done something really well too. She is such a kind sweet girl and I feel the need to protect her right to dry her wet wings any time she wants to. It just makes her so happy…..I feel very empowered to have read all of the posts and stories. Thank You so much !
FLAP ON !!
If you desire to get much from this article then you have to
apply these techniques to your won web site.
This is my first time go to see at here and i am genuinely pleassant to read everthing at single place.
My son has been waving his hands since he was a baby. I guess this is what is being described as flapping. As he got older it was done in combination with jumping. Now he is 14 and he no longer flaps but instead squeezes his hands really tightly. He is super social, super smart, high honor role and although I have secretly wondered I tried not to make him uncomfortable. He is happy and as he has gotten older he has learned to control his squeezing and jerking of neck. At home if he is really happy he will start to jump up and down which seems very silly since he is almost 6 feet tall. He tells me he feels a surge of energy that he needs to either let out or squeeze out. His friends know this is how he expresses his joy and don’t bother him. My niece who is 12 months started flapping her hands and feet about two months ago…it makes me wonder…
A Child psychiatrist would say such behavior needs to be extinguished. Total stupidity! I see this more and more as a real gift! I guess psychiatry believes all need to lead unfeeling lives.
Hi im very glad that I decided to type in to google why my Child hand flaps my daughter is 3 and a half and she started to flap just after she turned two I didt think much of it untill she was due to start nursery then the panic set in as it’s a cruel world sometimes and other kids will notice she’s flapping and there not we are having tests done at the moment to rule out autisum but at the moment I’m leaving my daughter to flap as much as she likes as I worry about making her feel worse or that she’s being naughty for flapping her own hands it’s getting worse especially at night I’m so thankfully that now I’ve read this website that I’m not alone because these last few months have been very frustrating worrying and confusing for me any advice or comments from others I will much appreciate as this is all new to me and sometimes I feel helpless and worry about my beautifull girl and other children starting to notice in school
i am 23 and have always rubbed and twitched my fingers together, it got diagnosed as adhd of course and took ritalin aderol concerta strattera all throughout school, i’ve changed from rubbing my hands together, to rubbing my face, only realized that literally no one else does that a couple years ago, had it been properly assessed i would have done things way differently
Well Devon no ONE is like you anyway; u are uniquely created as is every being! Now that you’ve discovered your gift; I am sincerely interested to know how/what you’d do differently?
I have a gifted 14yo son that is really struggling with seeing himself as such.
I wish I can “read” his mind to really know how he feels. Perhaps your perspective on the matter will help me understand his;)
Let her stim. It is natural for her and not stimming just leads to unhappiness. I’ve only started relearning how to stim after years of being forced not to, and I promise, stimming is so much healthier. Neurotypicals like yourself need to get over it and realize that our body language is just as ‘normal’ and ‘healthy’ as any other. After all, neurodivergents don’t force y’all not to smile or make eye contact. LET HER STIM. Don’t force her to keep it to a single time period and don’t force her not to stim at all. I promise you, the phrase ‘quiet hands’ is one of the most evil inventions when it comes to autistic therapy. It is harmful. It is cruel. Don’t do this to your child. Don’t force her to hide her own body language.
My seven year old is a major flapper when he is happy or excited. My three year old too. I have worked with children wi the autism for 16 years. I know neither of them have autism. I think it is so cut but as my son gets older society will be less accepting of his behaviour. Interesting how this should play out. Such sweet innocence.
I’m a 34 year old woman and when I was younger say about 2-7 years old I had a problem with hand flapping and I eventually grew out of it, but I still get the urge to once in a while when I’m excited or nervous. So to control it I squeeze and clench my hands instead. Now my son who is 8yrs old is doing the hand flapping and jumping with it and he has been doing it for a while. I tell him to stop doing it and instead clench his hands but he still does it especially when he is playing the game.
I found this very helpful we don’t know what to do with my grandson jack who is two or where to ask for help health visitor said they will not liable him yet also jack runs constantly and does not speak and he is a precious gift and a joy to us but we worry about his future granny june
my head shakes realy fast side by side then my hands and arms starts to shake realy fast then i start to snap my fingers or clap my hands i go into a daze i cant cun torle it my nerves take control of my body i cant explain but i can or now when right before it happens i have to let go on until it control its self the its scary or u get inbares wen u out in public i had someone tell me my eyes dyelate before it happens its like or nevers just go out of wack ur body is very unusable ill walk back and forth with it goes on and on and dont grab someone when someone is shaken like this it hurts so just let them go on im 46 and its been goin on for year cold anxiety will couse it or when someone is nevertheless just remember not to grab someone when shaken acurds it makes the muscle hurts i now people do it to me i don’t know if this helps but i now what there going through god bless
[…] [2] October 7, 2010 comment by “NothingsWrongWithMe” on “Understanding Hand-Flapping and What to Do (Or Not Do) About It,” on the Aspiring Dad blog (https://aspiringdad.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/understanding-hand-flapping-and-what-to-do-or-not-do-ab…) […]
[…] [3] October 7, 2010 comment by “NothingsWrongWithMe” on “Understanding Hand-Flapping and What to Do (Or Not Do) About It,” on the Aspiring Dad blog (https://aspiringdad.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/understanding-hand-flapping-and-what-to-do-or-not-do-ab…) […]
Reblogged this on fattythedragon.
My daughter is 42 (autistic and epileptic) and just started constantly pacing and slapping her leg. I am concerned that she is doing this because something is wrong or she has some pain she cannot tell me about. She did pace and hand flap, head bang when she was young. For the past few years she has been very calm and now this agitated behavior. Not sure if I should be concerned or not.
Hi, I’ve just read your post. I have 6 kids that do the same thing. My 5 year old flaps her hands when she’s excited or is watching something and certain parts of a movie she likes, my 4 year old doesn’t flap but she stretches out her fingers and holds up her arms slightly and does this twisting thing with her hands, the same as my 3 year old son. My husband tried telling me they must be coping each other but I’ve showed him when they are just a couple of months old they use to shake their hands when they’ve cried of get excited about something in front of them. I never knew what it was I just thought it was cute but have always wondered why they do it. I don’t want to tell them to stop it because I don’t want them to think there is something wrong with them.
I don’t flap. And, I have no idea why.
I think this is all a little silly. I am a 29 yrs, married and live a normal life. I have actually “flapped “around my entire life and still do to this day when I am excited or whatever else. I also use to bang my legs (grew out of this because i shared a room with my sister and she constantly complained for yrs) on the mattress to fall asleep. I live a normal life and make over 200k a yr which above average but I grew up with parents who didn’t try to diagnose me or force into meds. I will say my mother had “tutor me” day in and day out. I couldn’t read adequately until 3rd grade however by college I graduated magna cum laude. I still to this day would never diagnosis myself as autistic…however I am sure everyone else would. It is honestly sad.
We have a six year old son who flaps but only when he has sugar or gorges himself on fruit. Obviously we follow a lot of food rules and maybe that’s not possible for everyone. We never say anything to him or try and stop him. Today is his birthday party. He has not flapped for several weeks. We made his icing for his birthday cake yesterday we used 2/3rds of what the recipe called for it was dried cane sugar. He had several tastes! And this morning he is handflapping. He has improved so much with our diet we now see what sets him off. He is still his own personality and not NT but his struggles are so much less. i was looking to find someone with the same experience. As I regularly do. There doesn’t seem to be a community out there that knows and understands this.
I have a 5 year old son who flaps. Sometimes he will be sitting eating dinner and think of something that excites him and start flapping. It does seem to be related to things that make him happy. He is smart and reading already. We did have him evaluated for autism or disorders. He was actually evaluated 3 times because there was a waiting list to get tested at the best facility and it took 3 years to get in. Over that 3 years we had 2 appointments at lesser evaluation facilities. All 3 evaluations had the same results. He is not autistic, no ADD or ADHD, he just has a “quirky thing he does with his hands and might grow out of it due to pier pressure”. Now that he has started kindergarten we were concerned about other children teasing him and have made him aware of the flapping and do try to get him to stop. (all we do is tell him, “your hands are going”.. then he stops. He has also become very emotional. He cries very easily (just tears up, no tantrum or anything) We have been working with him on breathing and trying to smile when he feels like he is going to cry. (to my surprise, Kids are making fun of him for Crying, not the flapping) Now that he is trying not to cry, he is getting frustrated and yelling and having outbursts. He says he cannot control the yelling, crying or flapping. His brain makes him do it. He wishes he was someone else that was normal and not a cry baby. I feel terrible for him, I don’t know what to do. We make sure to talk to him, and be there for him. I feel like I”m walking a fine line. I don’t want to make it a big deal and give him anxiety, but it effects him and I want to talk to him about it to help support him. He is not shy at all, he will talk to anyone. He has trouble making friends because of how emotional he is. His teacher has told us he is very sweet and smart. She sees a pattern where he will focus and do 80% of his work and the last 5 minutes he will start flapping, or playing with a piece of paper instead of finishing his work. Then when time is up and he has to put the work away, he cries because he is not finished. Then he starts late on the next station at school because he has to calm himself from crying. Then begins a circle of emotional frustration for him, the other kids in the class and his teacher. If anyone has any comments from experience that might help me help him I would appreciate them.
Hello Marie,
I also have a hand flapping 5 years old boy.
My son is very similar to yours, he is very emotional, sweet and smart. He is also very creative and he’s not autistic at all.
Since there are different opinions, I don’t know what is the better way to handle with his flapping.
I just can tell you what I do, what I feel and think is better for him.
I never tell him to stop flapping, I see it as a natural expression. I want him to think he’s right, flapping is a way to express himself, that’s the way he is and it’s ok. Other people have other special characteristics. And he’s nor hurting anyone doing so.
Other children should accept him like he is because they may have other peculiarities.
About being emotional, I try to downplay it when he cries and to congratulate him when he’s brave. I try to strengthen him. There are songs you can make him listen to feel better and stronger, activities, stories, etc.
I hope this helps a bit.
Sorry for my English, we are Spanish and live in Spain.
Noelia
Thank you Noelia. Does your son’s flapping stop him from completing his work at school? That seems to be the only problem with the flapping. He doesn’t get his work done on time and then is upset because everyone else is finished and he is not. I am trying to get him to not flap until his work is complete. I don’t know if that is possible to do. Have you had to overcome that?
Marie
You are welcome Marie.
I don’t think my son’s flapping stop him from completing his work at school, at least his teacher has not told me about that.
Actually his flapping takes a few seconds. Even if he does it several times, at the end it’s still very little time.
Maybe your son’s teacher should gently advice him of the time left. Then he will learn to choose what he wants to do: flapping and not finishing on time and feel bad or just doing the work and finish on time and feel good.
Do you know any other hands flapping kids around you? Not me…
Kind regards,
Noelia
Thank you Noelia, I will talk to his teacher. Unfortunately I do not know any other kids that do the flapping. I wish did. I live in Pennsylvania in the U.S.
Sometimes this can be just what they call a stereotomy, they break into a happy dance when they get excited. Typically they can show signs of OCD, look them in the eyes and if they do not turn away – there is a very high likelihood it is not autism but falls in those categories as children with autism can also have these symptoms.
wow!!! my son is 2 and has been doing so much of what you hae described. i have allot to say, but he also hasnt grown out of his “silly dance” or hand flapping. he also holds his breath at fans, wheels cars ect… at 19 months he has had the entire alphabet and numbers up to 100 recognized,even some sight words…i do not feel as if he will ever grow out of the special things he does..words clocks ,timers, things trigger his sensory and im not sure how well he will do in school. walking outside..he stops and reads every letter on every sign, lisence plate, anything , but only for a few seconds until he registers it then he is fine and goes about. some children and adults have commented about his actions but i feel like they are rude and dont understand. this is something new for everyone and try thinking how our children feel is what i want to say. any ways with all that being said..i relate to how you feel about your options…its very sad that we as parents now have to teach our children that kids and the outside world are going to pick on him ,judge him, for his actions literally!!! why not teach the “normal” children to be more accepting. its going to break my heart the day my son notices his differences ! i wish the best of luck to you and anyone going thru this mystery! hang on kiddos
A doctor told me once that the symptoms needed to be “extinguished” – and my thought was why try to extinguish a child having a large emotion and expressing it visually? (hand flapping) and called this so called doctor out. She went through the same thought of acceptance – I asked who’s problem is that? What doctors do not understand, they should not try to extinguish. Look at my post above about Joe Cocker – the great musician!
What a beautiful email reply. My daughter is now a teenager and we had her tested to see if she’s on spectrum and she’s not. We still dont have answers. She still hand flaps and I wish kids were accepting. You know who your true friends are, I tell her. But that’s hard to hear when u want to fit in. She’s highly intelligent and gifted and we are happy she is a unique beautiful inside and out healthy girl. I have to say it’s the other kids’ loss and disappointed in parents who let their kids be judge and jury pushing and locking my daughter out of their group of friends. I wish all kids no matter what differences they have to be able to grow up feeling loved by many and being happy.
I felt every word you said. Thank you for sharing your struggle with advice from professionals (Ot ) gonna try the squeeze ball
Hi aspiring dad,
I don’t think there’s much you can do other than love her unconditionally and for who she is.
When I got engaged to my husband, I caught him a few times doing the hand flapping during something he was excited about. I don’t think he noticed I was around. I immediately brought it up to him and his mom and they acted like I was the crazy one. I said it is a sign of some sort of form of autism and, once my mother in law yelled at me for suggesting that idea, I put it to rest until last year.
He has never showed any of these behaviors infront of anyone except me and his mom. I took it as a compliment that he could do this and know I won’t judge him.
I would highly suggest just helping her with her relationships because when I looked further into aspergers and that new understanding of him really saved our marriage.
He had next to no empathy and I’ve felt like I’ve had to teach him it. Spouses will often feel like relationship coaches. He’s jealous that I have a lot of friends, but needs to be coached into maintaining relationships himself (at 30). We have come so far but I really wish I knew and he knew about this beforehand. He also had a very toxic relationship with his mom and didn’t know he could have healthy boundaries with her.
So the hand flapping is such a minor concern, my husband has learned to do it in private, and now I joke “shake it out, Babe”. But what we had to work on is he can’t handle sarcasm, so I’ve needed to change my sense of humour because he feels like I’m lying to him, he needs to really focus on intentionally nurturing his children (and me!), he needs to learn healthy relationships and boundaries.
That’s my only concern for your baby girl, is that she has an understanding of how to have healthy relationships so she can be an amazing wife and mommy one day. No one at her work will know she does it as she gets older, just her family ❤
I went shopping today and met a lady in the shopping centre. She was just sitting there with a 4 1/2 year old boy who kept flapping his arms. She told me she was depressed because he was autistic but she could not understand why he kept doing this. I told her it could be part of his diagnosis. I came home and did some research and came upon your Website. I have arranged to meet up with her, so I can show it to her. Thanks a bunch. Veronica
Great insight! My grandson is 5 and a hand flapper when he is excited! As a grandparent I never know what to do. It seems to be only when he is excited. He is also non verbal and I’m not sure he would understand if you tired to tell him this is an unexceptionable act of behavior.
What your declaring is absolutely true. I know that everyone need to say the similar factor, but I just feel that you set it in a way that everybody can comprehend. I also love the images you place in right here. They suit so well with what youre attempting to say. Im sure youll attain so quite a few folks with what youve received to say.